Why do older parents forget what it's like to have young children???

tea_lover

Toys.Out.Of.Pram.

whitewing

One thing I have found very helpful for children is to explain a number of times, using similar words (like a story) of things that MIGHT happen. You may sit on Nanna's knee for a bit, or you may not - it doesn't matter as I will be looking after you too. Lots of people may be talking at once. Someone may ruffle your hair.
Even when my children were too young to talk, this approach helped.

Also, for the way home, tell them they may fall asleep in the car - that is fine, we will bring you inside when we get home even if you are asleep.

mumps

I think if you follow the Gina Ford school of child rearing, I think that's her name, then it will be difficult. I know young parents who have strict routines and very rigid bedtimes. I was the opposite, my kids went to bed when tired and if they were at an event and wanted to sleep they would find a quiet place and sleep. It is a more chaotic way of life but more flexible. I think we all parent in our own way and their are always swings and roundabouts.

Mojisola

mumps wrote: »

I know young parents who have strict routines and very rigid bedtimes.

This type of parent must refuse most invitations to go out.

happyandcontented

Children are very adaptable, but they are also very astute and they pick up on negative vibes very quickly. If they get the impression that actually no one wants to be doing this trip then it will be all downhill. If you give the opposite impression, that it is an adventure (and build in some treats for them for good behaviour) then I find they usually step up to the plate.

It is all about attitude and approach, the old "glass half full" routine works wonders.

fairy_lights

misterzim wrote: »

I also dislike late dinners. I prefer eating at 5-6pm. I am also the only one travelling any distance to the meal - 300 mile round trip.

7pm might be a late dinner for you, but for a meal in a restaurant it's pretty early. A lot of places don't even start serving any earlier, so maybe your older relatives tried to book as early as they could and that was the best they could do?

Artytarty

Also factor in that your parents probably just want you to enjoy yourself! They may know the child is tired but they are trying to alleviate your stress by pretending otherwise. ( and only adding to it I know, but with the best of intentions)

Hermia

fairy_lights wrote: »

7pm might be a late dinner for you, but for a meal in a restaurant it's pretty early. A lot of places don't even start serving any earlier, so maybe your older relatives tried to book as early as they could and that was the best they could do?

Also 7pm is not a late meal time for many people so maybe the OP's family did not even see their choice of time as strange. Most people I know are only getting in from work at 7pm so eating earlier would feel odd.

The thing is many people forget what earlier life stages were like. I know mums who have completely forgotten the struggles of working full-time even though they used to have a career. I know married people who have completely forgotten the struggles of living alone although they used to do it. I think lots of people do have bad memories!

LannieDuck

IAmWales wrote: »

Your complaints seem to be not about your relatives but about your husband and children, the same issues would apply whether relatives were there or not.

Be thankful for what you've got, rather than moaning over trivial stuff.

No, the kids are kids. They're going to be enthusiastic and full of energy, and then crash out. That's what kids do. We structure our lives to take this into account.

My complaints are over other people who've forgotten that having kids changes what we're able to do for a time. It won't be forever, and infact the youngest is starting to drop her lunchtime nap so we're becoming more able to go out for meals out again.

I'm sorry you think it's trivial. I spent two weeks of my A/L last year visiting the in-laws and making sure the kids had a great time. It wasn't a holiday for me (or OH). Maybe if the in-laws had been willing to meet our schedule somewhere in the middle we could have made it less stressful for me and OH. They weren't, and so this year we're doing something to our schedule instead. And that's ok. We'll go back to visit them again, but not every year.

And I'm very thankful for what I've got, thanks - lovely kids and in-laws who want to see us.

happyandcontented

LannieDuck wrote: »

No, the kids are kids. They're going to be enthusiastic and full of energy, and then crash out. That's what kids do. We structure our lives to take this into account.

My complaints are over other people who've forgotten that having kids changes what we're able to do for a time. It won't be forever, and infact the youngest is starting to drop her lunchtime nap so we're becoming more able to go out for meals out again.

I'm sorry you think it's trivial. I spent two weeks of my A/L last year visiting the in-laws and making sure the kids had a great time. It wasn't a holiday for me (or OH). Maybe if the in-laws had been willing to meet our schedule somewhere in the middle we could have made it less stressful for me and OH. They weren't, and so this year we're doing something to our schedule instead. And that's ok. We'll go back to visit them again, but not every year.

And I'm very thankful for what I've got, thanks - lovely kids and in-laws who want to see us.

I think the point some people are trying to make is that they didn't do it that way.

Apart from in the very early weeks we just adjusted the routines to take account of events that we wanted to/needed to atttend. If the kids needed a nap they had one in a lie flat buggy if we were out and about. We worked it between us both to ensure that the kids were attended to and that both adults got to join in the family event.

Schedules are or can be flexible if you want them to be. At home our kids were generally bathed and in bed by 7.30pm on a week night, maybe a litle later at weekends. If we were at a family event or out to a family meal we just adjusted the routine to suit what we were doing.