Why do older parents forget what it's like to have young children???

LannieDuck

happyandcontented wrote: »

I think the point some people are trying to make is that they didn't do it that way.

Apart from in the very early weeks we just adjusted the routines to take account of events that we wanted to/needed to atttend. If the kids needed a nap they had one in a lie flat buggy if we were out and about. We worked it between us both to ensure that the kids were attended to and that both adults got to join in the family event.

Schedules are or can be flexible if you want them to be. At home our kids were generally bathed and in bed by 7.30pm on a week night, maybe a litle later at weekends. If we were at a family event or out to a family meal we just adjusted the routine to suit what we were doing.

Except that all kids are different. I tried my absolute hardest to get baby-DD2 napping at the same time as toddler-DD1. I never managed it Perhaps the people responding that you 'just change their nap time' had children who were willing to nap at different times? Ours will stay awake for a while beyond nap-time, but then get miserable and upset and generally not restaurant-friendly.


As an aside, our SIL didn't understand why we were so reluctant to adapt the kids around lunch events.... until she had her little ones. Then she went completely Gina Ford and became more rigid than us about it!

happyandcontented

I think that the key to it is just being relaxed, which I accept is much easier with second and subsequent children. I had one who never slept at all at night until they were 4, and others who could sleep the clock round from six weeks! We just let them sleep wherever we were as long as they were comfortable and able to stretch out, which we always made sure they were as we bought appropriate prams and buggies.

Rain_Shadow

misterzim wrote: »

But the positive out of this thread is that I will be re-evaluating my life, my parenting skills and the choices I make every day. Taking a more positive outlook on life in general and not letting the little things get me down. I didn't realise I was such a negative person but the responses that I felt were negative towards me have actually made me see things clearly and put them into perspective. I love you all for the massive wake up call this morning.


I have also learned to evaluate situations more critically myself and not to feel the need to enlist the help of random people on a forum - I do actually have better things to do than be on here believe it or not!!!


Thank you, one and all.

Good idea, those pesky randoms are so unpredictable. They often don't even say what you want to hear. The swines.

LannieDuck

happyandcontented wrote: »

I think that the key to it is just being relaxed, which I accept is much easier with second and subsequent children. I had one who never slept at all at night until they were 4, and others who could sleep the clock round from six weeks! We just let them sleep wherever we were as long as they were comfortable and able to stretch out, which we always made sure they were as we bought appropriate prams and buggies.

Interestingly, I've found it much harder with the second! We were relatively adaptable with the first. I think it's somewhat dependent on their personalities, and perhaps our level of sleep deprivation...

[Deleted User]

Rain_Shadow wrote: »

Good idea, those pesky randoms are so unpredictable. They often don't even say what you want to hear. The swines.

Better switch to mumsnet to get online self-affirmation.

See, the problem is people forget that some babies are easy, some 3-year-olds are easy and flexible - and others are like the spawn of Satan has inhabited a tiny version of you. However good a parent you are, you can't control whether you get an easy or 'hard' baby.

If it's your first kid and you've got one of the difficult types, flexibility is not something on your radar. You've got a schedule and you stick to it. You look at people with toddlers asleep in pushchairs at 9pm and hate them.

OP.. do what the hell you want, but you only get one set of family and they don't last forever (as we're finding out at the moment). It's worth pushing their schedule for family meet-and-greets.

LannieDuck

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Better switch to mumsnet to get online self-affirmation.

See, the problem is people forget that some babies are easy, some 3-year-olds are easy and flexible - and others are like the spawn of Satan has inhabited a tiny version of you. However good a parent you are, you can't control whether you get an easy or 'hard' baby.

If it's your first kid and you've got one of the difficult types, flexibility is not something on your radar. You've got a schedule and you stick to it. You look at people with toddlers asleep in pushchairs at 9pm and hate them.

OP.. do what the hell you want, but you only get one set of family and they don't last forever (as we're finding out at the moment). It's worth pushing their schedule for family meet-and-greets.

:rotfl:

I've never quite reached that stage, but some days it's been close!

misterzim

Rain_Shadow wrote: »

Good idea, those pesky randoms are so unpredictable. They often don't even say what you want to hear. The swines.

I know right?! Totally unacceptable that they do not fall in line with my personal biases!

I have genuinely taken a lot from this thread, more about myself than anything!

To quote Johnny Nash:
"I can see clearly now, the rain has gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
It's gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day"

Rain_Shadow

misterzim wrote: »

But the positive out of this thread is that I will be re-evaluating my life, my parenting skills and the choices I make every day. Taking a more positive outlook on life in general and not letting the little things get me down. I didn't realise I was such a negative person but the responses that I felt were negative towards me have actually made me see things clearly and put them into perspective. I love you all for the massive wake up call this morning.


I.

misterzim wrote: »

I know right?! Totally unacceptable that they do not fall in line with my personal biases!

I have genuinely taken a lot from this thread, more about myself than anything!

To quote Johnny Nash:
"I can see clearly now, the rain has gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day
It's gonna be a bright, bright sun-shining day"

I hope you have because these posts come across as self justifying passive aggression. I trust that isn't how they are meant.

misterzim

Rain_Shadow wrote: »

I hope you have because these posts come across as self justifying passive aggression. I trust that isn't how they are meant.

No, this is genuine. It's a kind of epiphany as to the kind of person I am compared to who I want to be. I am a chronic depressive on pain meds and have been for over a decade and having re-read some posts felt like I finally know what I should do!

Crazy!!

happyandcontented

misterzim wrote: »

Wow, I like the responses which appear to have become attacks at my parenting skills - thank you for those!


My last response said I haven't asked for the time to be changed and that I know the whole world does not revolve around my child. My world revolves around my child because I want it to. I chose to have a child and don't feel the need to get rid of them every time I'm invited out to a meal etc just to make my life easier. The older generation may have dealt with things differently as there was a different mentality then. Times and people change. I'm raising my child to compromise amongst many other things. They don't nap in the day anymore and like I also said before, they still know when it's bedtime even after a nap in the car - the only other place they fall asleep. They're too big for a buggy and so that is not a solution either.


I also dislike late dinners. I prefer eating at 5-6pm. I am also the only one travelling any distance to the meal - 300 mile round trip.


I guess I should have laid out as many details in my first post or not have bothered at all.


Thanks to those with more constructive responses.

What mentality would that be then?

"Dinner" is generally eaten at 7pm or later, children may eat "tea" at 5pm, but adults usually eat later due to work committments. I don't know anyone who is employed who eats so early, they simply aren't home.