Why do older parents forget what it's like to have young children???

happyandcontented

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I'm not denigrating it. It was simply something that was outside my experience as a child due to lack of money - and that's why I think it is something not comprehended by others. I gave an example earlier that my OH went out almost every weekend, but they had a completely different life (and income) to my family's.

I don't rate much on restaurant food. I've worked in the places and know the ones where it all comes in packets to be microwaved or shoved in a deep fat fryer from frozen and then sold at the best part of thirty quid with the addition of a handful of leaves and a drizzle of supermarket quality oil. I've also seen what the ice cream maker looks like on the inside if it hasn't been cleaned properly for a while _pale_. I went out because the ex angrily insisted that it was 'what normal people did' and I did it a couple of times a year for the girls because they had become accustomed to what he said was normal, although it wasn't the type of places he chose - I took them places where I could see the food being prepared by hand, because if I had to bang out that sort of money to fulfil their expectations occasionally, I was going to make damn sure it was in some way at least half the work I did in the kitchen to cook for them.

The OH, however, understood from a child that whilst they went out frequently, a lot of his friends didn't. So he adapted to not having enough money quite happily, as it was always more about seeing family than being seen doing it - and if that meant having the cheapest thing on the menu and sharing it, or a starter instead of a main course, so be it. If we lived nearer, I'd be perfectly happy for his family to come around for meals instead. It's more intimate, the food's better/delivered more quickly (whether I cook, OH cooks - as he does almost every night, anyway - or whether we both do) and I'd simply be more comfortable, knowing we could give them better food in the comfort of our own home.


Yes, maybe one day we'll have more money. I suspect that we'd both far rather use that cash to do things we enjoy more than sitting in restaurants waiting for food of unknown quality/competence, though. And maybe those other people who have no idea of what it's like going out for a meal weren't in a position to afford such things to think they were normal, and feel the same way now.

After all, if somebody says they weren't rich, maybe what they're actually saying is that their family chose to spend the extra money they had on things like meals out (or holidays. Or cars. Or pony riding lessons. Or school fees.). Or maybe it's just that they didn't feel rich because they hadn't ever met people whose idea of a posh meal was getting a piece of breastmeat and a seat to themselves until they were ready to leave, rather than a scraggy chicken wing and an older brother ordering you to hurry up because it was his turn to have dinner now.


It's a matter of perspective. Some cringe when they see a pepper grinder from Bart spices on the table, some cringe when they don't see a blue glass and sterling silver salt cellar with a tiny spoon.

I've never had a place big enough to have a dining table before, even if it is wedged against the cupboard under the stairs, up on blocks to make it possible to get the vacuum cleaner out, and we even have a chair each. So I'm exceeding the expectations of my childhood with every meal. But I'm sure somebody else would be cringing at a tiny table in that position with a pale blue and white polka dot oilcloth stuck on it. Others, though, would see a table, a tablecloth and an attempt to make it look pretty and think it was really rather sweet and special compared to a plate on the sofa in front of the telly that they've only ever known.

I think we are going to have to agree to disagree on this topic. There are good restaurants out there, really there are. You don't appear to have experienced them, but they do exist.