Why do older parents forget what it's like to have young children???

sulphate

Pop_Up_Pirate wrote: »

As an older parent it's this 'never managed' that baffles me.

Back in our day, the kids were put to bed for a nap in the afternoon. The kids got used to the fact that at 1pm they were in bed for an hour or so for a nap, which is no different from them knowing that at 7pm they were in bed for the night.

In bed and parent walked out of the room for an hour or so.

What is there 'not to manage'?

What is there not to understand about the fact that all kids are different? For example, some kids need a daytime nap until they are 3 or 4 and others like my son mostly give their nap up at age 2 or even before that. When he did nap, my son would mostly nap anywhere (pushchair/car) but other toddlers are an absolute nightmare unless they nap in a cot in a dark room.

bertiewhite

I also used to sit in the car with a bottle of coke and crisps outside the pub in the 70's if it didn't have a children's room, but only in the summer on days out.

The only drinking establishment we were allowed as kids was the British Legion or Working Men's Club and then we had to sit perfectly still & not run around or be noisy.

It does annoy me somewhat when parents assume that people who DON'T have kids should have to accommodate those who have CHOSEN to have them :mad:

misterzim

Wow! This thread escalated quickly! Thanks for the responses to all.


To clear things up, we are travelling Friday night and returning Sunday so not a 300 mile trip in one day!!


And to quote Doris Day:
"Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera, sera"

[Deleted User]

"In my day, if a child didn't want to go to sleep, we'd give them a pack of 10 lambert and butler and sling them in the back of a Ford Fiesta full of sherbert dib-dabs and copies of Viz magazine".

I remember taking my son out for a drive to get him to sleep - I'd then sit in the car parked on our drive as he snoozed away. The other one would only go to sleep after being rocked in his pushchair for ages. Thankfully once they hit the toddler years they decided they liked sleeping

LannieDuck

Pop_Up_Pirate wrote: »

As an older parent it's this 'never managed' that baffles me.

Back in our day, the kids were put to bed for a nap in the afternoon. The kids got used to the fact that at 1pm they were in bed for an hour or so for a nap, which is no different from them knowing that at 7pm they were in bed for the night.

In bed and parent walked out of the room for an hour or so.

What is there 'not to manage'?

Well, happy to explain but worried it's a bit off topic. Very briefly:

DD1 had bedroom next to baby. DD1 went down for nap. Baby was awake. Tried many different variants of putting baby down (e.g. rocking / waiting for yawns / putting down and walking away). Baby wasn't having any of it, and if she wasn't tired she'd scream until she was sick (I mean this literally - it happened on two occasions. I wouldn't normally have left her crying that long, but I was really, really trying to get them both to nap at the same time). Obv this also woke DD1 up.

Baby was always difficult with her naps. As soon as she stirred and realised I wasn't there she'd wake up and scream for me (her naps were never longer than 30 mins max).

I understand that if you haven't had a baby like this, it's baffling. DD1 was totally different and quickly got into a lunchtime nap routine (as you suggest).

AylesburyDuck

misterzim wrote: »

Wow! This thread escalated quickly! Thanks for the responses to all.


To clear things up, we are travelling Friday night and returning Sunday so not a 300 mile trip in one day!!


And to quote Doris Day:
"Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera, sera"

Friday to Sundday :eek: well in that case suck it up buttercup your just being precious! :rotfl:

Newly_retired

As you are there all weekend I am sure you can work it out. Your routine is disrupted anyway, so a bit more wont hurt.
Otherwise, one of you could miss the meal and put your child to be at his normal time. Over the weekend there should be plenty of time to spend with the relatives.
Mountain out of molehill?

As a granny, I know every family is different. One set of our grandchildren could cope with any changes easily, another set are fairly rigid with bedtimes but beautifully behaved when out, the third lot allow their toddler's life to rule theirs to an incredible extent.

When mine were little I would not have wanted to take them to an evening meal at a restaurant. It would have spoilt any enjoyment for me in the struggle to keep them going. So either only one of us went, or neither, or we had a babysitter. Life was different. Each family is different.
I agree that this event is about the grandparents, not about you, so you must do whatever works for you. You would not have wanted to be left out of the invitation, but you did not have to accept. Or you go, and compromise. But don't even think they are inconsiderate for arranging it at a time that does not suit you. That is irrelevant.

penguingirl

Is there any chance of babysitters being organised? I remember a couple of years ago my parents being asked to babysit by a good friend/neighbour for their 3 grandchildren. They had all their family over at the same time which hadn't happened for years as some lived abroad so they wanted an family meal out (they did lots of daytime stuff with the kids too) but thought the small ones would struggle, as all 3 were under 3. My parents were asked as they had had 3 children within 2.5 years (had twins) so their friends knew they wouldn't be phased by it! My mum thoroughly enjoyed her evening, and was just disappointed the baby slept so much as she got hardly any cuddles.

Primrose

I think that it's also a case that the world has become more affluent over the course of the last generation eration. Probably many years ago when your parents were bringing you up it was probably not the habit to have celebratory meals out in a restaurant very much. These affairs were self catered events held at home where there was a little more flexibility when small children were involved.

Kim_kim

ALIBOBSY wrote: »

I wonder if this is a southern thing or a work in the big city thing as pretty much all my friends, family and aquaintances are employed and I can think of any who would regularly eat this late. My hubby would be chewing the table legs off by this time lol.

Occasionally if we want to eat alone for a special day of some kind we might feed the kids earlier then have a takeaway later ourselves, but TBH both being self employed with 4 kids its easier for us to have meals alone by meeting up at lunch when they are all in school.

Mind you going back to the OP we simply wouldn't go that far and back in one day, we would either arrange to stay over or not go, it's the distance not the time that would bother us.

Ali x

I don't understand how it can be regional, most people work till at least 5pm.
Then they have to get home.
Then cook.
I would have thought a 7pm dinner wasn't unusual.
My daughter eats about 6.15pm most evenings - to get the kids bathed & in bed after, they are nearly 3 & nearly 6. They wait till 6.15.