Why do older parents forget what it's like to have young children???

Loz01

If you are going 300 miles for a meal, why bother going at all? Especially with a 3 year old. I wouldn't bother. Phone and tell them its not convenient and you don't have a babysitter.

trailingspouse

misterzim, I'm really pleased that you came back to this thread - I was a bit worried that you'd left in a huff. It takes a big person to admit that reading some uncomfortable posts has helped (and even bigger to put it in writing).

I think what you're experiencing is what many new parents experience - grandparents who did their parenting many years ago. Things change - but babies stay much the same. For example - when my mother had me (56 years ago), weaning happened at around 3 months and potty training started before the child could even sit up. When I had my children (30 years ago) weaning happened at around 4 months and potty training was once they could walk. When my first grandchild was born (8 years ago) weaning was at around 6 months, and potty training was later again (and much less stressful, from what I could tell). Another grandchild is due in a month or so - who knows what the latest thinking is!!

The moral of the story is that children are tough and will survive whatever the current trend in child rearing happens to be. I think the bit that grandparents forget is that when you have your first child you really don't know what the f**k you're doing, and as a result you can be extra touchy at anything that sounds like criticism. And people who suffer from depression (as does my OH) are extra aware of anything that could possibly be taken as criticism, even if it isn't intended to be critical.

Please go to the party, choose to enjoy it, and forgive your parents for being old. And, in +/- 20 years, remember this conversation...

misterzim

Thanks trailingspouse. I'm a complicated person, as I guess we all are. I've never taken criticism well even when constructive. I didn't want my other posts to come across as passive-aggressive but reading them again I can see why someone may see them as such.


I did feel like leaving in a huff to be honest. I don't know which particular post got me thinking about more than my original post was intended for but it helped.


And yes, I'll see how I fare if/when my child has a child!!

Art_Deco

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Better switch to mumsnet to get online self-affirmation.

See, the problem is people forget that some babies are easy, some 3-year-olds are easy and flexible - and others are like the spawn of Satan has inhabited a tiny version of you. However good a parent you are, you can't control whether you get an easy or 'hard' baby.

If it's your first kid and you've got one of the difficult types, flexibility is not something on your radar. You've got a schedule and you stick to it. You look at people with toddlers asleep in pushchairs at 9pm and hate them.

OP.. do what the hell you want, but you only get one set of family and they don't last forever (as we're finding out at the moment). It's worth pushing their schedule for family meet-and-greets.

Had to laugh at this, we had 2 kids that never slept more then 2/3 hours max out of 24, I hated listening to people saying what good sleepers they had and how there children "asked to go to bed":mad: Working shifts didnt help either and I dont think weve recovered yet 20 years on.

LannieDuck

Art_Deco wrote: »

Had to laugh at this, we had 2 kids that never slept more then 2/3 hours max out of 24, I hated listening to people saying what good sleepers they had and how there children "asked to go to bed":mad: Working shifts didnt help either and I dont think weve recovered yet 20 years on.

Oh, don't say that!

I live in hope that we're coming out of the hardest part - my kids are 3 and 5y. You may all laugh now...

iammumtoone

OP that meal sound like a nightmare, I would not go.

Yes it is very different from years ago, for a start people would not be expected to do a 300 mile trip in one day just for a meal. (it wouldn't be possible with the cost and transport issues then).

Children did not generally go to a restaurants at three years old. A restaurant meal was a rare treat not the norm it has become these days. Most likely years ago the meal would have been organised at someones house.

Tiddlywinks

Loz01 wrote: »

If you are going 300 miles for a meal, why bother going at all? Especially with a 3 year old. I wouldn't bother. Phone and tell them its not convenient and you don't have a babysitter.

No need to bother about older family members. They had their day.

Grow up, move away and then no need to bother with the inconvenience of thinking about other people - they should be ashamed of themselves for even issuing the invitation in the first place eh?

borkid

LannieDuck wrote: »

Oh, don't say that!

I live in hope that we're coming out of the hardest part - my kids are 3 and 5y. You may all laugh now...

Sorry but I found the hardest years to be the teens. Pre school was a doddle compared to later years. I found the rot set in when they went to school.

AylesburyDuck

Just read with and agreed with a few of the points/posts, so forgive me if i'm repeating something.
I've got 4 kids, never EVER have i assumed that family should revolve around them, actually i tell a lie, Christmas when young, and thats THE only time, and only with close family.
On the odd occasion of family get togethers kids went at the allotted time slot (7pm, 8pm whatever) and if it disturbed their routine then we sucked it up like true little troopers because it was 24 hrs out of our life and it wasnt our circus regardless of our monkeys being their.
Kids are very resilient, a lot of parents it seems are not, its shocking the amount of parents that try to make it about the kids when really its not at all its them making it about themselves.
Teenagers on the other hand and group get togethers, it's like herding cats trying to organise them.

Art_Deco

LannieDuck wrote: »

Oh, don't say that!

I live in hope that we're coming out of the hardest part - my kids are 3 and 5y. You may all laugh now...

Eldest was 14 when he eventually slept for 5 hours felt so good!! Plus point was we didnt have the problem that the 0P is having , I remember celebrating New years eve 1999 at a street party we crawled home at 4 in the morning shattered and both kids were still raring to go :j , they had 30 minutes sleep and were awake again i remember sobbing in a corner , great start to 2000!!:o