Why do older parents forget what it's like to have young children???

barbiedoll

I think that people DO forget how hard it can be with little ones, especially with your firstborn, where you're just trying to be the best parent ever....apparently, by the time you get to 2nd kid (and beyond), it's all about surviving the day, never mind rigid bedtimes and routines!

My husband was adamant that our son have a regular bedtime so at 3 years old, he was in bed by 7.30, with a half-hour for storytime and reading comics etc (well, looking at the pictures anyway) and by 8pm, he was normally well on the way to sleep.

When we did start trying to have a social life again, and when on a holiday in Greece with my friend and her two small kids, we found that no matter what was going on around him, he would flake out at 8pm, whether he was in his buggy or curled up on a restaurant chair. If you're lucky, your toddler will be up and about for a while at the meal, then will hopefully just crash and be out for the count while you can actually eat something. Be aware of well-meaning relatives force-feeding him sweets/fizzy drinks/unusual (for him) food and try to keep the passing around to doting aunties/uncles, to a minimum, it can be a bit stressful for small children to see so many new faces at once.

Having said that, we used to take our son for a (lunchtime) meal with my husband's family on quite a regular basis. He would doze in the car for the hour or so journey time, then be full of beans during the meal. I used to happily sit him at the other end of the table so that everyone else could fuss over him while I took the chance to shovel some hot (for a change) food down my neck!

sulphate

I see both sides. I wouldn't expect a large family gathering to accommodate my child but my son is 2 and I wouldn't take him to a meal at 7pm. If it's a large group you're looking at 2 hours sitting down which is a lot to ask of a toddler/preschooler at their usual bedtime. In the OP's circumstances I would get a babysitter or not go at all. My parents had family over to their house when our son was younger and they invited us to a meal at 7pm which was my son's bedtime, so we didn't go, but I didn't expect them to change their plans for us.

I know a lot of people who take their toddlers to these gatherings and try to get them to sleep in a pushchair in a noisy busy restaurant (which my son wouldn't do anyway) and then complain the following night when their child won't go to sleep in a quiet room in their bed or can't get into any kind of bedtime routine! I personally don't agree with "my child must fit around us and we will carry on as we did before" attitude but I also don't let my child dictate my whole life - there has to be some compromise.

burnsguitarman

At 3 yrs old, a child is usually old enough to understand a 'party', this time it's a grown up party! It can be made into an exciting adventure, with a special treat of staying up late.
Take toys, and a blanket, once your child has had enough, he can curl up on 2 chairs, and 'camp' at the party. How brilliant will that be to him.

GwylimT

Ours go to gatherings quite regularly, they know to behave, we also take the pushchair so they can have a nap, a pushchair is more than big enough for a three year old to have a nap.

We don't take toys either, its a restaurant not a play barn, they know to behave or we leave early which means a grumpy mum and dad.

7pm is quite early for a meal out, ours tend to be 8:30pm starts, a lot of places here wouldn't even be open at 7pm.

iammumtoone

I think alot of people on this thread are completely ignoring the fact this meal is 150 miles away (each way!). If the meal was local I would agree it won't hurt a three year old to attend, but with the travel as well that makes it a bit much. It would be different if the family were going one day, staying over, then meal and staying over again but it sounds from the OP they are intending to travel there and back the same day, that is a bit much for a toddler and stressed parents to deal with.

chesky

You only have to read these threads to see how differently 3 year olds can cope with this kind of situation. So it's no wonder that grandparents living 150 miles away aren't sure of how they will respond as they probably don't see them on a day- to- day basis. If they have lots of other people to accommodate, then they probably are just crossing their fingers and hoping for the best. As its a family occasion and you may be one half of a couple, might it not be possible to leave your child with the other grandparents for the night? They would probably be delighted to have him or her, and you'd be more relaxed, if you yourself can cope with eating an hour late.

maman

misterzim wrote: »

Not willing to adapt? Other than the fact that we are going to the meal and not requesting the time be changed and that my child will do as they're told and we have toys etc to entertain them as necessary?


Otherwise, no, I'm not willing to adapt!!!

You did explain that your purpose in posting was to have a rant. That's fair enough. But it's your opinion and obviously many posters didn't agree with you.


You said yourself that all the other guests would be over 30 so effectively you were thinking that the timing of the party should have been set with your child (latterly extended to you as well )in mind. The only reasoning you came up with was that the adults had forgotten what it's like to have young children.


I'd say that they wanted a family party and as the vast majority of guests are adults they chose an adult meal. It's their party and their choice. Your choice is to go or not go or the option you've chosen which is to go and feel cross about it.


I think children should be considered but not rule the roost. In your situation I'd do as others have suggested and take a buggy and hope the child sleeps. What we've done is take it in turns to walk round the block with the buggy if necessary to help them nod off. That's generally been when we've been travelling and staying in a hotel en route.


Glad you've since had an epiphany.:) It's good of you to make the trip but hopefully you can be more gracious about it now.

lobbyludd

I can remember taking little ones to family event and them having a whale of a time, enjoying the specialness of staying up late, being spoilt, dancing etc. I can also remember taking little ones to a family event and it being an unremitting nightmare

The longer and more formal the event, the more scope for disaster, but other than that it was almost impossible to predict beforehand - so have a plan B, agree with other half/other family members what you will do if little one becomes overtired and needs to settle down (someone, you/other half will go to the car/hotel room and settle them down, then you'll do shifts, or you'll both leave, or you'll have a babysitter at the hotel).

Plan escape routes, go with a "que sera, sera" attitude, or if that is too stressful, only one of you go.

prosaver

i wouldn't travel 300 miles round trip for a meal, the kids not going to even remember it, well he could do, like the first time he had car sickness.
seems strange for a 3 year old birthday treat,

Kim_kim

Pop_Up_Pirate wrote: »

Older parents of yester year didn't have worlds that revolved around their children.
Children fitted into the adults life whereas todays mentality seems to be the adults fit in around the kids.

Its a birthday party dinner and there are more people there than your 3 year old to consider.
You have to be flexible and teach your child compromise.

Do what many older parents would have done. Get them up earlier, put them to nap later and allow them a late night to enjoy themselves being fussed over.

THIS!!!

My daughter is a grown woman of nearly 30.
When she was a child I often took her out to eat. There were no children's menus, she ate half portions of adult meals - it's what kids did then & they ate better for it, than the "& chips" offerings they have now.
When we went on holidays we'd bring her reclining buggy, eat later (as you do abroad) & often put her in her pjs in the buggy & she'd fall asleep in it.
I'm sure children had a better time (or at least developed better skills) when they ate with the family as part of the family, involved in the table conversation rather than playing alone.