Drama Queen, Attention Seeking SIL Woes

justme111

On the matter if children - mine walked home in year 6 as well first alone, about mid year.
Hope you have not given her too much grief for posting.
Take a chill pill
Xx

annandale

Don't think the op has had a tough time from anyone on here. It's pointless posting a thread if all you want is for people to agree with you

Anoneemoose

annandale wrote: »

Don't think the op has had a tough time from anyone on here. It's pointless posting a thread if all you want is for people to agree with you

It's pointless posts like this that are really unhelpful and unnecessary. I have stated numerous times I am not looking for people to agree with me and I appreciate people have different views.

Your opinion seems to be that by responding and 'defending' myself I am trying to get people to blindly take my side. This is not the case. My responses are purely to explain the situation in more detail, if people still don't agree, then I can't change that.

pollypenny

Hopefully this thread has allowed the OP her vent and peace can be restored in the family.

Anoneemoose

justme111 wrote: »

On the matter if children - mine walked home in year 6 as well first alone, about mid year.
Hope you have not given her too much grief for posting.
Take a chill pill
Xx

Thank you for your contribution. I know we didn't see eye to eye but I honestly did (try to at least) take on board what your were saying.

We weren't too harsh. We did tell her off a little bit though, because obviously she had gone against our wishes of not keeping her phone out of sight unless an emergency. We hadn't, at that point even thought it necessary to discuss not posting that she was on her own, because the phone out of sight thing should have covered it. I think she was just too busy being proud of herself to have even thought it wrong! Bless her, she's been walking every day since. She loves it. It's a novelty because I can't walk for so we have always driven to school.

Thanks again.xx

Pop_Up_Pirate

Anoneemoose wrote: »

I agree. We also keep a low profile for most of the time, too. If you have read the whole thread you would see I have explained that this behaviour has occured before and we have ignored it. It's slightly different though, when someone goes and tells your in laws that you have left your child home alone when you haven't. Regardless of my mistake at messaging her last week (THAT message the day after if happened), I am sure anyone who was in our situation would be upset about that, and the fact that my in laws had a go at us because of it.

Also, to summarise:

Sil sends first message as explained in OP.
I respond politely later saying I have discussed it with hubby and daughter and all sorted.
She sends a snarky reply back, which I didn't need to respond to.
She then messages hubby, telling him exactly the same, as if I hadn't actually told him.
He replied with a short reply confirming he was aware and all's ok.
I send 'the message' the next day, which (IMO) wasn't rude or nasty, but as I have agreed, a mistake, in hindsight.
She then tells in laws the wrong information, causing them worry, anger towards us and and argument with hubby.
Not sure what else I could have done in the situation (apart from not send 'the message').

Please let me know if you would have responded differently..I'd be interested to know, so i can learn for future.

I couldn't not reply to the original message, so I can't see how that was wrong. I certainly wasn't rude or nasty??

I had read the whole thread when I posted.
If she had sent me that text, I would have replied with something along the lines of "Ok, thanks." and then put down the phone and forgotten about it.
I wouldn't have analysed it, or got bent out of shape about it. I would just have ignored any more to do with it.

If she then text hubby, so what? Let him send whatever he wants to send back.

But it sounds as though it got to you and you then caused the drama which then led to her going to inlaws.

The inlaws followed up on information they were given, as anyone would. But again, you got your back up.
A simple, cheery reply of "As if we would leave her alone" would have done and no more said about it.

You keep saying "She creates drama". She doesn't. Drama can only be created by reactions to events.
You are the one who reacted.

Pollycat

Pop_Up_Pirate wrote: »

I had read the whole thread when I posted.
If she had sent me that text, I would have replied with something along the lines of "Ok, thanks." and then put down the phone and forgotten about it.
I wouldn't have analysed it, or got bent out of shape about it. I would just have ignored any more to do with it.

If she then text hubby, so what? Let him send whatever he wants to send back.

But it sounds as though it got to you and you then caused the drama which then led to her going to inlaws.

The inlaws followed up on information they were given, as anyone would. But again, you got your back up.
A simple, cheery reply of "As if we would leave her alone" would have done and no more said about it.

You keep saying "She creates drama". She doesn't. Drama can only be created by reactions to events.
You are the one who reacted.

I agree with most of what you've posted except the bit in bold.

The in-laws didn't follow up on the information.
They sat and stewed over it for days until the OP's husband went to visit them.

Anoneemoose wrote: »

In my in law's defence - their response to hubby when he told them he was upset that they blindly believed her, was that they had never had any reason not to trust family before, which is fair enough. We didn't know they had even been told until Monday of this week, when hubby had popped round and that was when the argument happened. That's why I am only posting now.

Anoneemoose wrote: »

He only had an argument because they had a go at him for leaving our daughter home alone, and he was upset.

Anoneemoose

Pop_Up_Pirate wrote: »

I had read the whole thread when I posted.
If she had sent me that text, I would have replied with something along the lines of "Ok, thanks." and then put down the phone and forgotten about it.
I wouldn't have analysed it, or got bent out of shape about it. I would just have ignored any more to do with it.

If she then text hubby, so what? Let him send whatever he wants to send back.

But it sounds as though it got to you and you then caused the drama which then led to her going to inlaws.

The inlaws followed up on information they were given, as anyone would. But again, you got your back up.
A simple, cheery reply of "As if we would leave her alone" would have done and no more said about it.

You keep saying "She creates drama". She doesn't. Drama can only be created by reactions to events.
You are the one who reacted.

As pollycat said, we didn't even know until Monday that his parents were involved.

Maybe you wouldn't have analysed it, and even though I did, I still responded to her initial text confirming (neutrally) that everything was ok, we had discussed it etc? If I had ignored the initial text, then she may have reason to worry (although given that she knows me, she should know she didn't). But I did respond, as I imagine most people would, exactly as you described you would. Seems what you're saying is I shouldn't have even responded to the first message then? Would that not be rude, or as I say, cause unnecessary worry if she was genuinely concerned? Apologies if that's not what you meant.

Once again, yes, I caused drama by sending the 'day after message'. Not sure how many times or in how many ways I can say that I acknowledge this. Still doesn't give her cause or reason to go and tell my in laws something completely different. So, no, I still don't believe my actions 'led her to go to the inlaws'. I appreciate she DID go to them,

ognum

why don't people speak to each other instead of text, if you or your SIL had phoned and spoken this whole situation would be different.

Makes you (that's a general you) think doesn't it!

Anoneemoose

Also, we seem to be going over the same ground. I am not going to change my mind about the fact she shouldn't have gone to the inlaws.

I acknowledge I inflamed the situation. I have taken on board suggestions for going forward. What has happened, happened. There's not really any more to be said about it.