Drama Queen, Attention Seeking SIL Woes

Anoneemoose

Pollycat wrote: »

Well, for starters, I'd have told the in-laws that the SIL had - either mistakenly or deliberately - misunderstood what your daughter was doing.
That she wasn't on her own at home but was walking home from school.
Something that both you and your husband had discussed and agreed that your daughter was capable of.
And it was an action that you both - in separate texts - had told your SIL was not a problem.
And if they are going to get angry at something you've done, they'd better be sure that they haven't got hold of the wrong end of the stick.

TBH, it sounds like you are all in each other's pockets rather than keeping a low profile.

We aren't actually in each other's pockets, but I can see it might seem that way. We are close to his parents, she is close to his parents and sees them a lot and my daughter is smitten with her baby cousin (SIL daughter who is an absolute cutie). My daughter contacts her a lot asking about baby cousin, which is lovely because she likes being the 'big' cousin.

In my in law's defence - their response to hubby when he told them he was upset that they blindly believed her, was that they had never had any reason not to trust family before, which is fair enough. We didn't know they had even been told until Monday of this week, when hubby had popped round and that was when the argument happened. That's why I am only posting now.

Pollycat

Anoneemoose wrote: »

We aren't actually in each other's pockets, but I can see it might seem that way. We are close to his parents, she is close to his parents and sees them a lot and my daughter is smitten with her baby cousin (SIL daughter who is an absolute cutie). My daughter contacts her a lot asking about baby cousin, which is lovely because she likes being the 'big' cousin.

In my in law's defence - their response to hubby when he told them he was upset that they blindly believed her, was that they had never had any reason not to trust family before, which is fair enough. We didn't know they had even been told until Monday of this week, when hubby had popped round and that was when the argument happened. That's why I am only posting now.

But they trusted her word rather than checking the details - what I'd say was the more sensible approach - with their own son instead of stewing on it for days.

justme111

Anoneemoose wrote: »

I am sure anyone who was in our situation would be upset about that,
Not sure what else I could have done in the situation (apart from not send 'the message').

Please let me know if you would have responded differently..I'd be interested to know, so i can learn for future.

I couldn't not reply to the original message, so I can't see how that was wrong. I certainly wasn't rude or nasty??

Why are you sure anyone would be upset as you are ? I do not see anything that upsetting. That is precisely the definition of a drama queen - seeing upsetting where others do not. ( I got no idea how often it happens to you , every now and again it happens to all of us I suppose but the fact that you still do not see faults in your reasoning and other options makes me think it may be usual for you).


As you already been told (but missed it) there was no need for drama to develop. Husband's parents did not need to get wound up, he did not need to get wound up, you did not need to get wound up.
Don't you realise how manipulative is a statement that she caused an argument between in laws and husband? They all are grown ups, she was not even there , if they do not manage to sort issues without argument it is not her fault.
And how you not retaliating on other occasions prove that you do not get out of shape on this one?

Anoneemoose

Pollycat wrote: »

But they trusted her word rather than checking the details - what I'd say was the more sensible approach - with their own son instead of stewing on it for days.

This is why we were upset. And we agree.

Anoneemoose

justme111 wrote: »

Why are you sure anyone would be upset as you are ? I do not see anything that upsetting. That is precisely the definition of a drama queen - seeing upsetting where others do not. ( I got no idea how often it happens to you , every now and again it happens to all of us I suppose but the fact that you still do not see faults in your reasoning and other options makes me think it may be usual for you).


As you already been told (but missed it) there was no need for drama to develop. Husband's parents did not need to get wound up, he did not need to get wound up, you did not need to get wound up.
Don't you realise how manipulative is a statement that she caused an argument between in laws and husband? They all are grown ups, she was not even there , if they do not manage to sort issues without argument it is not her fault.
And how you not retaliating on other occasions prove that you do not get out of shape on this one?

I see what you're saying but can you not see that she also didn't need to involve the in laws in the first place? Particularly with the wrong information. I agree that the inlaws were responsible for their own reaction and we have taken that up with them.

Pollycat

Anoneemoose wrote: »

I see what you're saying but can you not see that she also didn't need to involve the in laws in the first place? Particularly with the wrong information. I agree that the inlaws were responsible for their own reaction and we have taken that up with them.

I'm sure you've already checked but is there something - anything - even slightly ambiguous about what your daughter posted that the SIL could have misunderstood?

justme111

I do not know how her conversation with in laws happened ; when people are close as you say they are they usually discuss things that are on their mind. She obviously got a wrong result - the parents wound up so must have done something wrong.

Anoneemoose

Pollycat wrote: »

I'm sure you've already checked but is there something - anything - even slightly ambiguous about what your daughter posted that the SIL could have misunderstood?

Yes, have checked. And no, pretty straightforward. "I am on my way home from school on my own for the first time". I see the 'on my own' could possibly have been construed differently at that time, but we confirmed she walking home alone not home alone in the subsequent texts.

Anoneemoose

justme111 wrote: »

I do not know how her conversation with in laws happened ; when people are close as you say they are they usually discuss things that are on their mind. She obviously got a wrong result - the parents wound up so must have done something wrong.

I agree. Maybe I am wrong for assuming she did it stir (but knowing her and the whole situation and history) I honestly can't see what other reason she would do it...but who knows? Maybe there is one I can't think of.

I just want to say thanks to everyone who has contributed. To those who think I'm the problem, obviously that's your opinion..I hope I have explained myself enough to show that this is not the case and this is not something that happens all the time (hence my request for advice, going forward). Although for clarification, I realise I was the problem in relation to sending the day after message. And possibly for allowing it to get to me so much..as i say, straw that broke the camel's back. It is quite emotionally draining for her to slag people off to me and then be nice to them afterwards. Again, for the record, I nipped that in the bud and she no longer slates anyone to me.

I acknowledge I was wrong for messaging her the day after, and that has obviously caused bad feeling. Maybe I should apologise for hurting her feelings, or is it best to let sleeping dogs lie?

Anyway, I have asked for the thread to be closed because it is causing me anxiety (something I didn't foresee, or admittedly think through before posting).

Thanks again.

Pollycat

Sorry that the thread has caused you anxiety, I don't think any OP of a thread gets an easy ride as we all have different opinions and see things differently.

I wouldn't apologise, just be polite and smiley when you see her next and hope it's blown over.

I hope your in-laws have got the message, I think they have made this situation much worse than it should have been.
I do agree that she shouldn't have gone running to the in-laws - either with the correct story or the story that she thought was correct.