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usernameisvalid

justme111 wrote: »

I suppose one more task parents have

Lol. Bloody predictive text

I shall edit it

culpepper

I've only read the first page but some things stand out.
You have separate monies..so when he wants driving somewhere just say you aren't a taxi, you've got things to do too(even if its just watching the TV as that is what he does himself when you would like help). He can then choose to pay for a taxi (not funded by you).

You could just decide to ask him to do things...'if you do x, I will get on with Y' ....

You could give choices...are you going to cook this evening or are you going to pay for us to have take away? (make sure he understands it is his treat so he pays if it is going to be take away)..
You could make your own cooking task easier with a slow cooker meal ,stick it all in ,in the morning and then there it is when you get home.
You could organise him and yourself into a'cook for the freezer' session at weekends and just give him tasks to perform while you both do meals for the month and then freeze them.
His driving problem might be fear of failing. If its just the theory part he is worried about, there are computer programs to practice that part of the test at home.

jester55

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justme111

Talking about other people's troubles can be therapeutic and addictive specially in this day of smartphones when it can be done while food shopping

System

justme111 wrote: »

Talking about other people's troubles can be therapeutic and addictive specially in this day of smartphones when it can be done while food shopping

Or looking after the Grandchild....Actually he's busy building a tower thing out of Duplo bricks...

jester55

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lika_86

Just to chip in, if you have to drive him around, why not use that time to quiz him on the theory test - "ooh look, a red triangle sign, what does that mean?", "what's the speed limit on this road?" etc? See the opportunities, not the problems.

ViolaLass

I think it's easy for non-drivers not to appreciate the inconvenience they may cause drivers. My MIL is the same - she used to say she would babysit if I would drive my daughter over, not appreciating that if I have to drive for two hours (return journey), the babysitting doesn't really give me a break. I don't find driving relaxing.

Sit him down and say what you've told us. It's not clear whether you've already tried this.

TBagpuss

With regard to the driving, would it be possible for him to book an initial lesson and get some feedback from the instructor about how much work they think he would need to get to the point where he can pass his test? He may not have masses of bad habits (and if he has it will probably come better from an independent driving instrcutor than from you as his parter!) Perhaps you could look into whether you could do the Advanced Driver course - would he feel less self-conscious about practising and taking the test if you were doing something similar?

Extemporaneous

This husband sounds so like the husband of a friend of mine.

I don't see this thread as being about driving, or chores. It's about control. This man has control, over you - that's what you're fretting about. He does exactly what he wants to do (which sounds like a nice easy option for him, feet up the couch each night) - whilst you spend all your time and energy running in circles trying to catch all the slack.

If you're expecting someone to come up with a magical way for this to change, I'm afraid they won't. This guy is perfectly happy with the way things are! And you have played into his hands for so many years now, there is no reason to think he will alter. He knows that all he's got to do is keep on doing what he always does...and you will give in to him.

My sympathies, it really isn't a recipe for a happy life for you. But I really don't think it will change unless you ditch him. Sorry!