Post deleted

clint_S

Original Post

I’ve been going round and around, typing and retyping this, and coming up with new subject titles, focusing on one of the below paragraphs below before changing my mind, because I’m not sure what the underlying cause of this problem is, or which bit of this I’m seeking advice on.

The specific problem that triggers this is that my husband does not have a driving licence. I am the designated driver 100% of the time, whilst he shows absolutely no sign at all of doing anything to get his licence, despite his claims that he wants to. I’ve tried every trick in the book to get him to do it, but it always descends into an argument. He knows it makes me unhappy.

Then I think, am I being too hard on him? Is it my fault? Am I expecting too much? Should I just accept that this is my life despite it not being what I signed up for nor ever expected I’d end up with? I must be doing something wrong and this is the way that it is.

Then I think, there are other things I do that he is inflexible about. He is in the wrong because he is living life the way he wants to, only bending so far as suits him whilst refusing to do the things he doesn’t want to do, whilst I pick up the slack and end up unhappy about the chores I feel I am doing because he does not want to do them, such as cooking and the laundry. And when I say to him that I can’t sit down and watch TV tonight because I’ve got X, Y and Z to do, he tells me to leave it until the next day or says, “Don’t worry, I’ll do Z whilst you do X and Y,” as if I should do Z if there was time but he is doing it ‘as a favour’. Only very occasionally does he acknowledge how much I do for him, but he never changes.

I’m just not sure what to do about any of it. Is there something I’m doing wrong that he is seething about? He tells me I complain a lot, and I do feel like I moan a lot, but about other things to deflect that I am actually annoyed at him. He complains about other things in much the same way I do; does that mean he’s secretly fed up with something that I’m doing wrong? What am I doing wrong?

maman

ViolaLass wrote: »

The advice might not change but if gender matters enough to mention it, let's get it right.

I admitted I'd not read all posts so easy to make a mistake.

I still believe if it was a woman wanting her DH to ferry her around then posters would have been sympathetic.

ViolaLass

mgdavid wrote: »

If you want accuracy it's mostly girls/women, not guys.

'guys' can mean 'men' or 'people of either sex'.

I agree, I'm being pedantic, but you started it.

tensandunits_2

jester55 wrote: »

Post deleted

You can just go in and edit, and select 'delete post' and the post will disappear.

Slinky

ViolaLass wrote: »

'guys' can mean 'men' or 'people of either sex'.

Not in our house, I'm a woman and refuse to be a 'guy'.

suki1964

tensandunits wrote: »

You can just go in and edit, and select 'delete post' and the post will disappear.

Not on an thread opener.

ViolaLass

Slinky wrote: »

Not in our house, I'm a woman and refuse to be a 'guy'.

That's not how dictionaries work.

krlyr

ViolaLass wrote: »

That's not how dictionaries work.

To be pedantic..
http://www.dictionary.com/browse/guy

2. Usually, guys. Informal. persons of either sex; people: Could one of you guys help me with this?

*Robin*

krlyr wrote: »

To be pedantic..
http://www.dictionary.com/browse/guy

2. Usually, guys. Informal. persons of either sex; people: Could one of you guys help me with this?

^^ American dictionary and usage (try putting in "color" and then "colour").

In the UK, "guy" generally indicates a male person.

chesky

*Robin* wrote: »

^^ American dictionary and usage (try putting in "color" and then "colour").

In the UK, "guy" generally indicates a male person.

I don't think this is necessarily so any longer. Certainly not with younger people, although I'm in my seventies and am quite used to being included in 'guys' particularly if someone needs a hand with something.

On the other hand getting someone's gender wrong - particularly if they've already mentioned it several times - is a bit of a social gaffe.

Why has the OP started deleting posts? Bit silly, since the initial message is copied in full in the post beneath.