Feel guilty I couldn't provide everything for my (immigrant from USA) spouse

pollypenny

Sounds like the husband has made excuses, perhaps been complacent and generally not done enough to integrate. It's possible to do that while still keeping one's own nationality, as DS does in the USA.

Btw: Summa !!! Lauda is known in the uk. It's on my degree certificate.

springdreams

McAnniee wrote: »

What do you mean, that immigrating to another country you (generic you) should start again from 0 regardless of any previous experience? Sorry if I've misunderstood that. (If you really think that is the case - the 25 or whatever year old immigrant with experience would then be up against the 18 year old "school leavers" with no experience for those types of jobs, and wouldn't get them because they are "overqualified"!)

Part of the issue I think is although having a degree or comparable qualification (Nursing Diploma (?) for example) the person from abroad obviously won't have "5 GCSEs" or whatever, because GSCEs aren't a thing in the country they came from, despite having a higher qualification that subsumes the GCSE knowledge. (but many HR information systems, and indeed HR Managers when you meet them in person, seem very tickbox-driven and if you don't have e.g. 5 A-C grade GCSEs, you're disregarded!)

This is absolute nonsense!!

I come from South Africa. I arrived on British soil 17 years ago with a South African degree and 15 years working experience. South Africa and Britain have different school systems, so I therefore do not have GCSEs, and also different requirements regarding qualifications for my profession, so my degree is not recognised here. I had to start over working in the same capacity as someone without a degree and get an equivalent British degree. This took 10 years of working full time and studying in the evenings and over the weekends. I now hold 3 degrees (I did an extra qualification) and am doing well in my chosen profession. I have at no time whatsoever felt discriminated against because I am not British by birth. I think your ex is looking for excuses for not blending in, and not doing well on the career ladder. And yes, sometimes it is necessary to start at the bottom of the ladder again. Instead of whining about it, your ex needed to get over himself and get on with it! Everyone is the master of their own destiny.

GwylimT

I'm not British, I have never had problems finding work, I progressed well and for a long time I have only had to work part time as I have earned enough to do this.

McAnniee

Mojisola wrote: »

I imagine that gut feeling is why you've been the only bread-winner for some years - are you sure that your spouse hasn't been playing you in order to get an easy life?

It's an interesting point but I'm pretty sure he hasn't. For one thing, he did work for most of the years, albeit in "crappy" minimum wage type jobs. Here's the thing though with those type of jobs - they are often much harder work than some types of 'cushy' office job for example! Nights / rotating shifts, very long shifts, unrealistic expectations from Management, constant threats of being fired / no sense of job security, etc. I certainly wouldn't take on those jobs if I was after an easy life!

McAnniee

NBLondon wrote: »

Was there racism? Or were attitudes and social skills possibly the biggest issue? An American with a college degree (which isn't always equivalent to a UK degree) should be able to get on as well as or better than a native-born BME individual with a few GCSEs. I worked as a training manager in a warehouse environment once and those who progressed were those who picked up the work quickest and offered to learn new tasks - which included a couple of Somali-born guys and a Slovak.

I'm not sure if "racism" is the right word actually but I've come across a lot of vocal dislike of Americans and actually in one situation a hiring manager at my employer had received my OH's CV as there was a job vacancy and he would have been a good fit. I overheard the hiring manager going through the CVs commenting on them and rejected his as "We don't want any Americans here!"

(This manager later rejected a perfectly suited different applicant for a different job on the grounds that "we can't hire this guy cos his name is James*, we already have a James in the team and it would be too confusing") Many years later 'James' was hired for that role when it came up again, with a different manager by that stage, and was perfect!
* not real name

NBLondon wrote: »

There might have been some employers who were over-cautious about taking on someone with a visa (or not being prepared to do the checking on what sort of visa it was) but that should have been only for the first few years. If the problem had been going on for much longer - and you were struggling to support both of you - you should have been asking this question much sooner.

I think that is one of the issues yes, employers are cautious or dare I say it 'lazy' about checking into visa requirements etc; if the person says they have a right to work in the UK then the employer has to verify that and so on. (This was before the legislation about checking visa/work status for all employee's)

Some of the other issues were: no credit history (failed credit checks) not on the electoral role so can't prove identity, etc.

Hermia

McAnniee wrote: »

I'm not sure if "racism" is the right word actually but I've come across a lot of vocal dislike of Americans and actually in one situation a hiring manager at my employer had received my OH's CV as there was a job vacancy and he would have been a good fit. I overheard the hiring manager going through the CVs commenting on them and rejected his as "We don't want any Americans here!"

Being rejecting because of your nationality can of course happen, but getting neglected because of a million reasons that are not relevant to the job can happen too. I am sure if your spouse had stayed in the US he would have been rejected from jobs for silly reasons too. The thing is I don't think it is unreasonable that foreigners have to jump through more hoops really. If I wanted to move abroad I would absolutely expect that I had to work harder to prove my worth to a potential employer. I'd be taking a job from a local and potentially causing more work for an employer so I would have to show I was worth the aggro.

If your spouse had been here a couple of years I could sympathise as I could see that maybe they were still overwhelmed by culture shock. But he has been here 17 years!!! He could have done a part-time degree, retrained and spent several years going up the career ladder in that time. He could have found a way to turn his nationality to his advantage. I have a couple of American friends who have done that. I really wonder if you should go back to that therapist. You should not be assuming responsibility for another adult in this way.

Caroline_a

OP, I think you've probably been played here. My ex struggled to hold jobs down for more than a few months, it was always somebody else's fault, but he tended to blame mostly the fact that he has a foreign sounding name. At the time I took what he said at face value, but now looking back I can see it was him! He was dreadful with timekeeping (both at home and at work), always being around half an hour late. He was also very belligerent when anyone asked him to do anything he didn't want to do, didn't mix well, and firms generally gave generic excuses to get rid of him ('cuts' usually).

People who want to get on generally do get on, with hard work and dedication. If your spouse is resentful about his lack of progress over 17 years, I'd guess that it was all down to him!

Mojisola

So he hasn't been in employment for several years? What has he been doing with his days?

He could have done an OU degree in that time or taken loads of courses at your local college and improved his chances at a good job.

Caroline_a

Some of the other issues were: no credit history (failed credit checks) not on the electoral role so can't prove identity, etc.

Why wasn't he on the electoral role? This is starting to sound very fishy...

barbarawright

I work for a local authority and have colleagues from Hungary, Spain, France, USA , Malaysia, Eritrea, Ethiopia, Poland, Serbia etc etc. None of them have GCSEs but their equivalent qualifications are accepted. Yes, there are occasional cultural issues - references they don't get for example - but nobody is going to be turned down for a job or for promotion because they can't reminisce about 1970s kids tv. I simply cannot believe that no Americans can have a career in this country as your partner seems to have persuaded you