Feel guilty I couldn't provide everything for my (immigrant from USA) spouse

Pollycat

McAnniee wrote: »

I don't know about assistance with job hunt techniques (but I don't think so), but he did put the word out with friends that he was looking and could they please look out for any opportunities / put his name forward with any relevant hiring managers at their company or who they know socially / etc.



You're right, reflecting about it more (from your replies and all the other posters) it does seem unlikely that "anti-American sentiment" etc is the root cause of it! Actually that has come from my assumptions (and experience, with the overheard hiring manager), my husband never said to me (something like) "They didn't recruit me for this job because I'm foreign" or whatever. I suppose it was easier for me to blame it on the 'fall guy' of racism etc rather than being about the individual!!

McAnniee wrote: »

Yeah, I think I may have been misusing it all this time.... I have said it about myself on many an occasion (perhaps I'm the fool then!) although I have much more social aptitude as to what I can say to/about somebody or not.



Definitely contempt for the interviewer should be kept to himself, yes! I think it's a lack of social awareness or of how he comes across, rather than deliberate "rudeness". Although he has told me more than one thing he's said to bosses / trainers / etc which I would never have said because politically that isn't acceptable... even though I think it!

Distinguishing between snobbery and idealism? - yeah, the trouble is they come off as identical to others most of the time. I suppose snobbery is something like "I have a higher level of education than you / am more well connected / am richer" (or whatever) as a cause of contempt for someone, and idealism is a sort of wistfulness that things should be a meritocracy but aren't...... you're stupid and have no particular earned right to be in that position (generic you, not @Malthusian, obviously!) and I'm not, and yet here we are in this situation where you have all the power.

The sense I got from him when I talked about "having to play the game" (to which I totally agree, btw) was that "I shouldn't have to! This situation should be a straightforward exchange of views, rather than a load of politics and having to perceive the other person's state of mind although they don't say what they are thinking, and try to pre-empt what they are thinking", etc. (My words, not something he specifically said, but it was basically that sentiment).

OK.
So it's not your fault.
Move on with your life.

McAnniee

springdreams wrote: »

His thirst for knowledge must have been very short lived if he didn't feel compelled to gain an education once he hit UK soil. He had that first year where he was not allowed to work. He could have used it wisely to gain a qualification that would have been acknowledged and accepted in the UK.

And American history is vastly different to UK history. I can understand why his degree is of no use in the UK.

Actually, his thirst for knowledge never abated. He was always seeking out new things to work on, new things to learn, and so on -- but pursued self-directed rather than "formal education" learning in them, resulting in no additional qualification obviously. I asked about commuting those interests into something more formal but he felt that knowledge was the primary aim and "external recognition" was secondary, or indeed unimportant.

I see your point about 'American history' although there must be many degrees that are of no direct relevance to a particular employer e.g. someone with a Physics (or similar) degree applying for an office-admin, factory or warehouse type of job? And as far I know the laws of physics apply similarly everywhere. Most degrees are about things like research skills, seeing something through, a basic level of competence, etc, rather than "a specific knowledge of English History 1918-1939" for example.

springdreams wrote: »

I think perhaps he is the fool / stupid one here rather than the potential employers / interviewers, as he seems to be failing to appreciate that effectively he has no recognisable qualifications in the UK at all. Because someone has a degree it doesn't make them superior to someone without one ...

Chances are a large number of people applied for the same jobs as your husband did. Chances are also that none of them, of very few of them, felt compelled to let the interviewer know or feel that they thought that they were more intelligent than the interviewer or that they considered the interviewer should not be in a position to decide whether or not to give the applicant the job. It is highly likely that the other applicants were a lot more keen to have the job than your husband was, considering he seemed to have thought that the interviewer was a blathering idiot, and that he (your husband) could do the interviewer's job better than the interviewer could, and those other applicants therefore put in a lot more effort to impress in order to try secure the job.

Yes, although (as above) I don't agree that he has "no recognisable qualifications in the UK" as such, it's true that the interviewers must have perceived something "strange" (whether that was looking down on them, an odd lack of awareness of social norms, or such like) and been wary. It is galling to me as well that there's so many superficial people who can't see beyond a tickbox mentality, but I'm also a realist!

I had to explain that questions like "what is your biggest weakness" aren't just a factual request for information, but he struggled to see how to phrase things. (Those types of questions are the same in the US, and probably all over the world!)