Am I being over sensitive

Lioness_Twinkletoes

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I do think that if you are in are in a relationship you shouldn't be having sexual thoughts and feelings about anyone else.

Oh my God, really? Do you honestly believe this? I've been married for 25 years and I've been attracted to a few men other than my husband. I've had sexual thoughts and feelings for them. Never acted on them, never would. Does the fact that I am a normal woman with normal desires make me a bad person in your book?

If so, you have a very narrow view of the world and frankly, you're living in cloud cuckoo land.

FBaby

It would bother me if my hubby was watching !!!!!! on the sly and getting his kicks from that, It would make me feel I wasn't good enough and didn't turn him on enough.

I don't think I could understand if I was enough for him why he would need that stuff.

I think that is very much the reason why many women have issues with it. However, I don't think watching !!!!!! is about this at all. It's about getting sexually aroused from watching some pictures that illicit that arousal, exactly how happiness can be aroused from watching a feel good film, or excitement from watching a thriller etc...

I do think that those who watch !!!!!! probably do because they don't have as much sex with their partner as they would wish, but in that case, isn't a sign of respect, that they don't consider their partner a sexual object expected to meet their need at any time to their convenience and that they respect that they might have a lower sexual appetite than they do?

I think there are elements in OP's situation that haven't been considered, firstly that they've been together only 10 months and don't yet live together, so it might be an old habit from singlehood that could very well die down when they move in together, and as mentioned earlier, the issue from his perspective might not be so much that she has an issue with him watching !!!!!!, but that she felt she could just use his laptop without asking, again, maybe accentuated from the fact that they are not yet even living together.

I think OP should have a chat with him, but she needs to listen as much as she needs to explain her insecurities and come up with a compromise by which he can get on with an activity that he has no reason to be ashamed, but by which she doesn't conclude that he is unhappy with their sexual relationship and about to leave her for someone more sexy.

-taff

I think you're being over sentitive yes.
Men and women aren't the same, !!!!!! to men is like having a cup of tea, nothing to be shamed about, but not exactly something you'd shout from the rooftops about either.
Have you never masturbated or read a racy book, or read erotica, watched !!!!!!, looked at pictures of men you find good looking?

anna_1977

Thanks for all the comments, can't read page 3 - web says it's being blocked for some reason or another

The reason I had * out the full word was because MSE has been known to block certain words and I thought that might be why - no other reason.

It is the secretiveness of it, that's all.

We discussed last night, we both have insecurities, most people do but we talked through it all

System

Lily-Rose wrote: »

No disrespect to your hubby, but to be fair, you have to ask yourself, would these super toned, fit, pert bottomed, firm young women be interested in him?

I get what you're saying - you don't get why he wants to look at any other woman, but men do look. It's natural to want to look at a woman who is young and fit etc, as men are very driven by what they see. Doesn't mean he wants them, or he could have them!

I look at youngish handsome fit young men (famous men) because they are attractive, but I don't want them or dream and fantasise about being with them; they're just nice to look at. I still love my hubby and still fancy him, and he does me, even though he likes to look at Holly Willoughby! :rotfl:

I honesty think if men look at !!!!!!, (or have extra curricular activities whilst watching it!) it doesn't mean he doesn't fancy or love his wife/partner, it probably means he just has a high sex drive. At least he isn't having an affair!

We have this little conversation between us when i catch him eyeing another woman up or if he says something appreciative about another woman it goes like this..:

Him: "She's a bit of alright".
Me : "But she's not a 10 is she?"
Him: "No dear she's not a 10"
Me: "What am i?"
Him: "Your a 10 dear"

At this point we both laugh. Its making light of the situation.

I wont say it doesnt bother me that he finds other women attractive but i know its natural. He's got this 'thing' for Julie Etchingham off the telly at the moment. Next year it will be someone else.

Lily-Rose_3

Torry_Quine wrote: »

There's a difference between showing a couple having sex as part of their relationship and pornography which is in isolation from relationship.

I do think that if you are in are in a relationship you shouldn't be having sexual thoughts and feelings about anyone else.

However these are my views and this thread is not meant to be about me so I'll bow out now as I know how it will go

Lioness_Twinkletoes wrote: »

Oh my God, really? Do you honestly believe this? I've been married for 25 years and I've been attracted to a few men other than my husband. I've had sexual thoughts and feelings for them. Never acted on them, never would. Does the fact that I am a normal woman with normal desires make me a bad person in your book?

If so, you have a very narrow view of the world and frankly, you're living in cloud cuckoo land.

How rude! I am in agreement with Torry on this one; yeah of course it's normal to fantasise about being swept off your feet by Harrison Ford, Leonardo DiCaprio or Justin Bieber (depends what generation you are!) and having a cheeky smooch with them. But it's not 'normal' to have sexual thoughts and fantasies in your head about men you know, when you're married or in a relationship. (And you must be on about men you know because you said you have been attracted to other men but have never acted on it.)

I have never, in over 30 years with my husband, EVER dreamed or fantasised about getting intimate with men I know, and I never would. I have met a few who are I thought were attractive, but that's it, I have never dreamed about getting intimate with them! I would think there was something very wrong in my marriage if I fantasised about getting intimate with men I know, whether I 'acted' on it or not. And I would be very upset, and know there were problems in our marriage if I discovered my husband fantasised about women he knows, like my friends, or his work colleagues, or the wife of one of his mates, or a neighbour.

I think you're the one who's narrow minded, to assume a woman must be living in cloud cuckoo land, if she thinks her husband shouldn't be lusting after women he knows.

And no-one has said you're a bad person for fantasising about men you meet; you're the only one who has mentioned that!

Go ahead and lust after all the men you want, but don't ridicule women who don't do as you do!

FBaby

It is the secretiveness of it, that's all.

You mean from him? What secretiveness? Do you really expect him to tell you absolutely everything about himself, what he does every minute of his life when you have only been together months and not even moved in together yet?

Everyone is different and indeed, some couple do share absolutely everything they do and think and are happy this way, but that becomes more unusual as you get together at an older age and have experienced living on your own for some time. If you both have the same concept of sharing vs privacy, then it's not an issue, but if you don't, then I think you are going to struggle with this relationship.

Person_one

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Nah, in the 80's their was always that one friend that could get the sort of !!!!!! that was too soft (wink) for the local Blockbusters! :rotfl:

Yes, they saw it, of course they did. A bit.

They didn't have it on tap whenever they wanted from the age of about 12 though!

I'm not opposed to pornography in principle, but so much of it is about as far removed from a normal sexual relationship as a Batman film is from the realities of dealing with crime in an inner city!

ripplyuk

Guest101 wrote: »

But in all honesty well over 95% of men do it.

Gosh, is that really true? I thought it would be about 30%.

My partner said he has never watched !!!!!!. I've no reason to think he's lying as it's not something I've ever expressed a view on one way or the other.

I've never really given it much thought, but my gut feeling is that I don't like the thought of it at all. I can't imagine having sexual feelings for any other man than my partner so it would be hard to understand if he could.

Actually, I think the OP's reaction and words were very measured.

POPPYOSCAR

Lily-Rose wrote: »

How rude! I am in agreement with Torry on this one; yeah of course it's normal to fantasise about being swept off your feet by Harrison Ford, Leonardo DiCaprio or Justin Bieber (depends what generation you are!) and having a cheeky smooch with them. But it's not 'normal' to have sexual thoughts and fantasies in your head about men you know, when you're married or in a relationship. (And you must be on about men you know because you said you have been attracted to other men but have never acted on it.)

I have never, in over 30 years with my husband, EVER dreamed or fantasised about getting intimate with men I know, and I never would. I have met a few who are I thought were attractive, but that's it, I have never dreamed about getting intimate with them! I would think there was something very wrong in my marriage if I fantasised about getting intimate with men I know, whether I 'acted' on it or not. And I would be very upset, and know there were problems in our marriage if I discovered my husband fantasised about women he knows, like my friends, or his work colleagues, or the wife of one of his mates, or a neighbour.

I think you're the one who's narrow minded, to assume a woman must be living in cloud cuckoo land, if she thinks her husband shouldn't be lusting after women he knows.

And no-one has said you're a bad person for fantasising about men you meet; you're the only one who has mentioned that!

Go ahead and lust after all the men you want, but don't ridicule women who don't do as you do![/QUOTE]








I agree with all of this.

From the day I met my husband I have never looked at another man or had fantasies about anyone.

We have been together over 25 years and are still madly in love.