Am I being over sensitive

anna_1977

Hi
I've been seeing someone for 10 months now, he's currently in the process of moving in. We are both divorcees, me in late 30's, he in mid 40's.

I thought everything was great but at lunchtime today I popped home, I picked up his iPad to use (mine was in the office) and when I unlocked in it was on a webpage of p**n, photos of the same person - not professional, more house wife I would say....

I feel absolutely gutted. My marriage broke up after 18 years due to him cheating. I know this is not the same but I honestly feel betrayed it some way. I text him and apologised to using the iPad but explained what I'd seen - his reply was just that it must have opened on google chrome, he only uses that for p**n!! implying it's normal for him. He said he must have forgotten to shut chrome down this morning.

Maybe I'm over reacting - in my experience looking online leads to cheating, I know that's not always the case but it's hard to forget past experiences

Oakdene

Um yes I would say you're over reacting, watching that doesn't mean he has been, or is wanting to be, unfaithful

McKneff

Watching !!!!!! and cheating are a million miles apart. I can understand what your saying but watching !!!!!! does not lead automatically to cheating.
Having said that I would be mortified if my other half was doing it, he very likely does but I don't want to know for definite.
Not sure what to advise but go with your head, A new relationship should not need !!!!!!. Good luck

Guest101

Yes, (and no)


I think that for many people it's not an issue, but it is to you.


I don't think he's done anything wrong, but it's something you may want to discuss. (but it may open the floodgates to things he may want to say / change)

anna_1977

Thanks all, he's just text to say he's going to stay at his house tonight to let me calm down (I'm not not calm, just sad).

not sure that's the answer, avoiding me but that's his decision.

jamiehelsinki

I would say most men probably look at some sort of !!!!!! sometimes, as long as it's nothing dodgy, where's the harm?

An addiction to !!!!!! is something else though, that can cause problems, I doubt he's at that level though.

The problems probably more about your insecurity from a previous bad relationship and scared the same will happen again.

If it's a normal !!!!!! site don't worry, if he's on adultwork or visa street then I would be more concerned.

peachyprice

anna_1977 wrote: »

Hi


Maybe I'm over reacting - in my experience looking online leads to cheating, I know that's not always the case but it's hard to forget past experiences

It's rarely the case. Looking at !!!!!! and cheating are entirely different things.

By his reaction it seems he feels it's a normal pastime, if you can't deal with it it's probably best to delay moving in together until you've discussed this properly and other habits you and he may have that could cause offence.

anna_1977

peachyprice wrote: »

It's rarely the case. Looking at !!!!!! and cheating are entirely different things.

By his reaction it seems he feels it's a normal pastime, if you can't deal with it it's probably best to delay moving in together until you've discussed this properly and other habits you and he may have that could cause offence.

Thanks, it's certainly something we need to discuss.

AylesburyDuck

anna_1977 wrote: »

Thanks all, he's just text to say he's going to stay at his house tonight to let me calm down (I'm not not calm, just sad).

not sure that's the answer, avoiding me but that's his decision.

Something must have led him to believe you weren't calm?
People don't tend to say that without reason.
Maybe chill.
I don't see any harm in men watching !!!!!! at all, i'd even go as far to say that watching together "may" be good for a relationship.

anna_1977

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Something must have led him to believe you weren't calm?
People don't tend to say that without reason.
Maybe chill.
I don't see any harm in men watching !!!!!! at all, i'd even go as far to say that watching together "may" be good for a relationship.

Hi, absolutely not, he asked me if it's a 'massive problem' I replied with 'I was taken by surprise, I'm not sure, not something I thought was a part of your life. i'm not smiling though'

Those are my exact words

Guest101

anna_1977 wrote: »

Hi, absolutely not, he asked me if it's a 'massive problem' I replied with 'I was taken by surprise, I'm not sure, not something I thought was a part of your life. i'm not smiling though'

Those are my exact words

It's very passive aggressive, I think.


Almost like he's doing something abhorrent.


'part of your life' suggest you are identifying him as a stereotype (a similar situation might be finding out he drinks or smokes)


'Im not smiling though' - becomes I'm angry / sad.


'Taken by surprise' - as if it's shocking.


Like I say, your opinion is valid no matter what, as these are your feelings. But in all honesty well over 95% of men do it.