14 years I feel Ive wasted,not sure how to cope

my-user-name

You have a good and valid point Mojisola;,I'm just so unsure right now on how to tackle it.I only have till Monday so I know time is getting close.
I think it stems back to the fact I was ok in work keeping it to myself in the 2 weeks I was there,it kind of makes it real if they know about us splitting up,maybe that's the reason I want to keep it to myself??
If I speak to neighbours or people who I know when I'm out doing shopping etc I'm fine and happy with them...simply because they don't know we are no longer together.
Maybe once people know it may make me accept it actually is over,I know its over deep down and theres no going back but I guess if people don't know then I can keep pretending everythings fine and dandy.Im still mixed up as you can probably tell.[/QUOTE]

chiefie

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/eagles/wastedtime.html

Happened to me 25 years ago, I empathise but you will get through it.

The song above made sense but only after a few years

my-user-name

chiefie wrote: »

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/eagles/wastedtime.html

Happened to me 25 years ago, I empathise but you will get through it.

The song above made sense but only after a few years

Oh hells bells,that one of his favourite songs :(
With another 8 pieces of wallpaper to hang in my hallway before I can go to bed and in a world of my own,I received a text,yes from him
He asked if he could ring me(almost midnight ) as its quite important.
I hung on 10 mins and just replied "No".
Feel proud of myself for saying no,this is the first contact Ive had from him since he left but will now be hanging wallpaper wondering what was "quite important"
I'm not going to allow him to mess with my head.

-taff

Quite important at that time? Not quite important as a reasonable hour?

Don't worry about it until he rings you at a resonable time. It could be anything, it could be nothing, he might have been drunk, or in hospital.

Normal to wonder, just don't dwell completely on it if you can Hope the wallpaper ended up straight

my-user-name

-taff wrote: »

Quite important at that time? Not quite important as a reasonable hour?

Don't worry about it until he rings you at a resonable time. It could be anything, it could be nothing, he might have been drunk, or in hospital.

Normal to wonder, just don't dwell completely on it if you can Hope the wallpaper ended up straight

I'm still doing the wallpapering !! 20 past 3 in the morning and I'm wallpapering, I can think of better things to do at this time lol
I'm trying not to dwell on the text message and yes he could of rang at a reasonable time.
I just wish I could answered with your comment"Quite important at that time? Not quite important as a reasonable hour?"
If it was that important he could of left a message I guess.

spirit

my-user-name wrote: »

Oh hells bells,that one of his favourite songs :(
With another 8 pieces of wallpaper to hang in my hallway before I can go to bed and in a world of my own,I received a text,yes from him
He asked if he could ring me(almost midnight ) as its quite important.
I hung on 10 mins and just replied "No".
Feel proud of myself for saying no,this is the first contact Ive had from him since he left but will now be hanging wallpaper wondering what was "quite important"
I'm not going to allow him to mess with my head.

Do you think he may have driven by your place and saw the lights still on?


Not saying he should have text you at all and fwiw, I would have ignored it or said no too.


Maybe time to block his number? Do you really want him back in your head?

chiefie

my-user-name wrote: »

Oh hells bells,that one of his favourite songs :(
With another 8 pieces of wallpaper to hang in my hallway before I can go to bed and in a world of my own,I received a text,yes from him
He asked if he could ring me(almost midnight ) as its quite important.
I hung on 10 mins and just replied "No".
Feel proud of myself for saying no,this is the first contact Ive had from him since he left but will now be hanging wallpaper wondering what was "quite important"
I'm not going to allow him to mess with my head.

My first wife told me after I had been away from work in February (long time ago) she wanted a separation. We lived together until she found a rented property. For me it was hell as it was 4 months till she got the keys. I remember lying in the bath thinking when that bubble bath bottle is empty she will be gone. Well she picked up the keys in June time but came back the same day in tears as the house wasn't in the order she was expecting and that it was a sign we should stay together. I couldn't take it and told her to leave and she went to her sisters. Don't know where I found the strength to do that even though I didn't want to be alone but I knew she would leave eventually. She came back Xmas eve that year to pick all the rest of her stuff up - happy christmas ! But I recovered and have a wonderful family. We even went out for a meal when our divorce came through so we could end on a positive note. Be strong, believe in you, don't go looking for love elsewhere yet it's too early and get in touch with yourself. Good luck. I was lonely for a while, tried too much with the opposite sex to impress and had one bad episode where I had dreamed she had returned and when I woke up I was convinced she was downstairs. I was devastated when I walked into the kitchen and realised I had dreamt it. But you pick yourself up and keep walking one step at a time 😀 I have over shared but I feel for you and want you to know that you can do it !!

Lucy_Lastic

This has happened to me twice!

The first husband left me a note, he moved out while I was at work (after 13 years of marriage).

The second husband told me he was leaving, left, came back after a week saying he had made a big mistake. He left again after a month. (He lasted 10 years).

In both cases there was another woman.

I have been happily single for almost 20 years. There will not be a third time!

You are doing really well, keep strong, don't keep your feelings to yourself, vent on here, cry on your friends shoulders, you will be fine, it just takes time.

Good luck!

my-user-name

spirit wrote: »

Do you think he may have driven by your place and saw the lights still on?


Not saying he should have text you at all and fwiw, I would have ignored it or said no too.


Maybe time to block his number? Do you really want him back in your head?

Nope definatly don't want him messing with my head all over again .
The message couldn't of been that important considering he hasn't contacted me since.Maybe he,d been out drinking or just fed up, I guess I,ll never know
Blocking is a good option

EdwardB

I am really impressed how much stronger you are since your OP.

So many wise words said already but I will try to add a few.

For the work mates if they are true friends they will accept you and who cares about those that do not. Rather than falling apart for each one, tell them all at once or have the boss tell them. Have a script ready, something along the lines of "it has been painful but I am stronger for it"

I would not block him just yet, have the pleasure of not taking his call, when he said it was important, just remember one thing, important for HIM. It may have been a letter he was expecting, maybe he wants to redirect his post, whatever it is his problem not yours.

In the event that he wanted to reconcile, why would you EVER want to trust someone that hurt you again, so they can do it again? I do not think so.

Again have some sort of script ready in case he catches you in the street or at the shops, "Sorry. We are DONE, you made your bed now sleep in it. I have nothing further to say to you, please leave me alone or I will consider it harassment and take the appropriate action.

Now to prove that you CAN have your cake and eat it, yet curb your spending but go register a new yahoo mail and then use it to register on FREECYCLE.ORG. It can be a new hobby, looking for new stuff. I have seen some really nice stuff being given away on there. No hurry, just find your nearest one and request an email for each post to that spare account. Weekends tend to be a busy time on there and you have to be able to respond quickly then say you will collect quickly.

You are doing all the right things, STAY STRONG!