Boyfriend is still communicating with his ex - just friends or more?

emberlyn

Hi all. I posted here a couple of months ago with a problem. My boyfriend had been texting his ex telling her he missed her and stuff. Here is the link to my other thread. https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5567997

Last time you were all very helpful and I've come back as I hope you can give me some good advice on how to proceed from here.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months now. We got together very quickly after he broke up with his ex who he was with for 3 years. He fell out of love with her but still thinks of her as a close friend. He seems completely into me and happy in our relationship but he is in regular contact with his ex. I came across some messages between them again very recently and noticed he has been contacting her every few days (nearly ALL initiated by him). Most of it was just general chit-chat but at one point they were talking about Game of Thrones and he said he doesn't think he will be able to watch the next season without her, that it would be very strange and asked if they could please discuss the episodes together... she just replied saying 'aww of course you'll be able to watch it without me.' I don't watch GoT so I guess this is something he shares in common with her.

He also was talking to her about the MMO him and I always play together. He was sending her screenshots etc which confused me as she doesn't even play the game anymore. She played it briefly when they were together but him and I have put over 2000 hours into it (sad I know haha) so surely he could just chat to me about the game or other people in our guild??

I opened up to him about my worries the other day and he told me she is just a friend to him and will let me know when he's been speaking to her. I really appreciate his honesty and I keep telling myself that if he still had feelings for her and wanted her back, he would be with her. After all, 3 months ago she wanted him to work on things with her and he said no. So I shouldn't have anything to worry about, right?

I guess I'm just posting to make sure this is nothing I need to worry about and it's fine for my boyfriend to keep in touch with someone he once cared about like this?

Guest101

Have you two been intimate yet?


I'd guess not, so he associates gratification with his ex, not with you

Person_one

Feelings don't just switch off after 3 years together, especially when neither of them has done anything terrible to hurt the other.

What you're describing is pretty much a perfect example of why its better to wait a while after a serious relationship before jumping into another. If he'd done that he could have gone through this process of slowly reducing contact and coming to terms with not being together all the time without hurting somebody else (you) in the process.

justme111

Have not you told us 3 months ago that she blocked him out after his repeated attempts at contact ? Where does information about her wanting him back come from ?
At the end of the day it does not matter, what I said in previous thread still stands.

FBaby

I keep telling myself that if he still had feelings for her and wanted her back, he would be with her

All you posted in your last thread indicates that he is still into her but that's it's her who doesn't want him back. The latest comment about 'not being able to watch GoT without her and her responding that he could' is certainly confirming this.

I know it's not what you want to hear, but my view is that if she texted him to say that she had given their relationship a second thought and wanted to give it a try, he would be there in two seconds and have forgot about you in just as quickly. He is keeping you on the side for some entertainment, waiting for her to take him back.

seashore22

Isn't this more or less the same theme as the last thread you had running?

I doubt the answers will be any different.

I didn't post on your previous thread, but I wouldn't be happy at all and would get out of the relationship now. But I think you were told this last time.

tea_lover

Person_one wrote: »

Feelings don't just switch off after 3 years together, especially when neither of them has done anything terrible to hurt the other.

What you're describing is pretty much a perfect example of why its better to wait a while after a serious relationship before jumping into another. If he'd done that he could have gone through this process of slowly reducing contact and coming to terms with not being together all the time without hurting somebody else (you) in the process.

I'd think spending 2000 hours chatting online to a young girl when I was supposed to be in a serious relationship was pretty terrible tbh.

Same advice as last time OP - he's just not that into you.

emberlyn

When they first broke up she wanted him back and he said no. She blocked him but a few weeks ago she got back in touch with him saying she would like to be friends and explained she blocked him because she needed time to get over the relationship. It seems she is over it now and all her replies are casual and friendly, not bitter like they were before.


Yeah I guess I'm asking the same questions again in this thread but with the new information included about their recent chats. Its been on my mind a lot.

Person_one

tea_lover wrote: »

I'd think spending 2000 hours chatting online to a young girl when I was supposed to be in a serious relationship was pretty terrible tbh.

Same advice as last time OP - he's just not that into you.

Ok I've now read the previous thread.

OP, if this is true, go and find a nice boy your own age to be your first proper boyfriend.

GBNI

Sorry OP, but I think you should run a mile. You deserve to be treated better.

emberlyn

It's not as bad as it sounds. Yes we have put in 2000 hours into the game but there are 30 of us in the guild, so it's not just me he talked to. Him and I were completely platonic while he was still in his relationship with her. She even was in our guild too when they were a couple, but she stopped playing after a few weeks. So I guess I'm also confused why he would keep chatting to her about the game when he has me and 30 others to chat to about it.