Boyfriend is still communicating with his ex - just friends or more?

justme111

That's what parents are for - pick the pieces .

Pop_Up_Pirate

emberlyn wrote: »

Thanks for all the comments. I'm learning so much from them. It's hard because this is the first relationship I've ever been in so I don't wanna screw it up, that's why I keep overthinking things.

I know my gut instinct is telling me to be careful (that's why I posted on here in the first place) but I'm an insecure person with not much confidence in myself so even if there wasn't a problem I'd probably look for one knowing me. My dad cheated on my mom when I was a toddler and they divorced so I guess the issue is something I've always worried about.

He does make me happy. I really really like him and if it wasn't for the contact with his ex, I would have no doubts at all as he seems super invested in me.

Sorry love, but worrying about him texting other girls to the stage where you have to seek advice on a forum is not being "Happy".

Pop_Up_Pirate

emberlyn wrote: »

I don't know where I'd be without you guys!

But yeah, I'm worried this will end badly for me I'm more tempted to wait it out though and learn from the mistake if it happens rather than leave him and wonder what could have been. You say it might wither away between them as long as I stay cool so maybe that's the best approach?

You're right, it's definitely not daily (most the time it's just general chit chat between them) but he has told her she's an awesome person and an incredible person a few times... could it be guilt? I mean, some of you said it could be that and if so then I definitely don't mind him feeling guilt as that's normal. I'd only worry if it was regret or attention seeking/game playing or something.

What would the motive be if it was 'playing'? I don't get why he'd even bother if that's what it is.

For someone who has never been in a relationship before, you seem to know an awful lot about 'normal' feelings. Plus you worry about things that you wouldn;t be aware of not having had a relationship before.

I'm of the opinion that you are the resident storyteller

Redacted

Is this the first time they've broken up?

emberlyn

Redacted wrote: »

Is this the first time they've broken up?

Yes it's the first time they broke up. Any particular reason why you ask?

warby68 wrote: »

Emberlyn, if you were my daughter/sister/niece/friend I'd tell you to run a mile and that's even without the ex-girlfriend. Its a long distance relationship with a significantly older man who spends a heck of a lot of time online gaming and you are young and inexperienced.

I'd beg you to look for someone closer in age, geography and in real life to start out with, not this.

Add the ever present ex and well.....

But I don't think you are going to listen - you are young, besotted and flattered and grasping at straws for alternative explanations to what is so obviously wrong so I wish you luck and as little heartbreak as possible.

I'm a mum to teenagers a little younger than you - try and talk to your mum. She will be gutted if the first thing she has to do is pick up the pieces with you.

Thank you for your advice. It's just hard to walk away. I'm very much in love with him (I know you guys don't think it's real but it feels real and unlike anything I've experienced so it's soo hard to just walk away...) I'm going to prepare myself though like OneLeggedPig suggests.

Pop_Up_Pirate wrote: »

For someone who has never been in a relationship before, you seem to know an awful lot about 'normal' feelings. Plus you worry about things that you wouldn;t be aware of not having had a relationship before.

I'm of the opinion that you are the resident storyteller

I'm not that stupid lol.

My mom got cheated on by my dad so I know what it was like for her. He apparently felt A LOT of guilt during their break up even though he wanted the divorce. People I knew at school got into relationships too and it fell to pieces for most of them. I observed it all.

onomatopoeia99

warby68 wrote: »

Its a long distance relationship with a significantly older man who spends a heck of a lot of time online gaming and you are young and inexperienced.

What is the problem with spending a lot of time online gaming, exactly? Particularly in comparison to spending evenings (say) in front of the telly, or reading novels?

Redacted

Some of what you've posted reminds me of an on again off again couple I used to know who were the epitome of can't live with 'em can't live without 'em.

I looked back at the start of your last thread and saw what you recounted your BF said to you about his ex, and it was very negative. Yet now he's saying how amazing she is and how he misses her. It doesn't fit on the surface. But it does fit with my recollections of that couple.

It was like they needed the trauma/drama/emotion of the break ups to reinvigorate their desire for each other but once back together it soon became dull and monotonous again so cue another breakup. They both often had other flings in the gaps - again it just fuelled a jealous desire for each other.

Anyway, from your reply it's obviously not your BF and his ex's pattern. I just thought I'd ask.

warby68

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

What is the problem with spending a lot of time online gaming, exactly? Particularly in comparison to spending evenings (say) in front of the telly, or reading novels?

Its the disproportionate amount of time , including work time reportedly and time spent developing 'relationships' whilst in one already that ring my alarm bells rather than the particular activity.

csgohan4

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

What is the problem with spending a lot of time online gaming, exactly? Particularly in comparison to spending evenings (say) in front of the telly, or reading novels?

Priorities actually, they would rather spend their time with pixels than spending time with their girl friend, how does that read??


Extrapolate that to children, what's going to happen there too?? Don't bother me, go bother your mother, I got to grind 34 more hours to get to level 156. Is that setting an example????


What about work??? Claim benefits and play games or work and be most fathers would want, responsible

wine_night

justme111 wrote: »

It's ok , nothing wrong with thinking about relationships and doubting , goes with the territory of being young. Do not worry , most of us used to get it wrong. Saying it again- whatever happens with itis not the most important ; the most important is your self-development, broadening your support network and advancing your career. Men will come and go in your life , that's normal:)

Great advice, I couldn't have worded it better myself!