Boyfriend is still communicating with his ex - just friends or more?

justme111

It's ok , nothing wrong with thinking about relationships and doubting , goes with the territory of being young. Do not worry , most of us used to get it wrong. Saying it again- whatever happens with itis not the most important ; the most important is your self-development, broadening your support network and advancing your career. Men will come and go in your life , that's normal:)

emberlyn

Person_one wrote: »

Have you talked to your mum about all this?

My mother isn't really the easiest person to talk to about boys lol. I love her but shes definitely not the easiest to talk to.

She knows I'm seeing someone though. I think she trusts me as she says I'm sensible.

Loz01

Don't spend all your time in a relationship over thinking or worrying about what he's doing or fretting if he likes you etc, life is too short. If he really does like you, he should be able to tell you. The contact with his ex is obviously second nature to him but on the other hand he should respect your feelings. How would he feel if you were texting an ex boyfriend? Why don't you ask him that, it might click something in his brain to make him realise he's not exactly acting appropriately.

Person_one

emberlyn wrote: »

My mother isn't really the easiest person to talk to about boys lol. I love her but shes definitely not the easiest to talk to.

She knows I'm seeing someone though. I think she trusts me as she says I'm sensible.

You aren't talking about a boy, he's a man approaching 30.

Talk to your mum, if your mum knows you and loves you it might well be worthwhile getting her opinion.

emberlyn

Person_one wrote: »

You aren't talking about a boy, he's a man approaching 30.

Talk to your mum, if your mum knows you and loves you it might well be worthwhile getting her opinion.

My mother is such a worrier though bless her. She would worry about me if I came to her about this and she has enough to deal with.

Also yeah you're right he's a man not a boy haha. He is a little immature for his age so I guess I see him as much younger than he is.

So a little update... I just looked at his messages to see if there are any new conversations between them. I logged on to his Facebook (I know his password because he told me) and he messaged her this morning saying he wanted to send her his best and hoped she was having a good day. She responded briefly and then he said he wanted to her to know that he hoped she was happy and that if she wasn't he'd feel really sad because she is an incredible person. She replied saying 'of course I'm happy, why wouldn't I be? ' and he said he was just checking and then told her she was an awesome person and that was it.

So I'm thinking these messages could actually be a good thing as he wants her to be happy like he is? He tells me all the time I make him happy so maybe he just feels bad that she might not be happy when he is. What do you guys think? Hopefully this isn't naive of me!

emberlyn

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

He's still fishing then.

What do you mean by that Mr squirrel?

-taff

He might be feleing guilty about their break up and reassuring himself she's ok. However, he already knows she's ok from some of the other messages he's been sending.
Keep an eye on the messages for a few weeks and see if any more of the same thing pop up. If they do, he's fishing, if not, it's nothing and he just feels guilty.
Mr squirrel probably meant he's still after her and is asking are you happy, hoping she's not.

seven-day-weekend

i think he still has feelings for her.

FBaby

I'm an insecure person with not much confidence in myself so even if there wasn't a problem I'd probably look for one knowing me

That's fine, it's actually quite good to go into a relationship with the mindset of building trust rather than giving it all away to see it used and then being heartbroken.

The problem is that you've already cross the line by being paranoid and instead of building your relationship on trust, your relationship is now starting to be define by whether he has feelings for her or not. Not the way to build foundations.

he said he was just checking and then told her she was an awesome person and that was it.

What he is checking is if he misses her and wants to get back with him. Frankly, I am amazed both that you can't see how desperate his actions towards are, and how she isn't yet fed up with them....unless she is keeping him going because maybe she still has feelings for him too and maybe she will tell him she wants him back...

You have two choices, cut your loss now so you can focus on the rest of your life which is likely to be much better invested time, or continue to wait until she does indeed suggest they get back together and see whether he tells her no because it's you he wants to be with, or ditch you in an instant...or of course, see her whilst keeping you secret on the side, in case she changes her mind.

System

I'm afraid my man only has room for one female best friend in his life.... Me!

I don't demand many things of him so I don't think I'm being too unreasonable.