Am I being too selfish?

LadyDee

Person_one wrote: »

British nurses can stroll into Australia any time they fancy.

In fact they are doing so, in droves, its a bit of a problem for us to be honest!

Is the OP a nurse?

heartbreak_star

LadyDee wrote: »

Is the OP a nurse?

Yes.

HBS x

Malthusian

If the OP thinks there are fewer racists and conservatives in Canada then she is going to be very disappointed.

She might encounter more politically like-minded people if she moved from, say, Norfolk to Toronto. But the same would happen if she moved from Norfolk to London. It would not if she moved from Norfolk to the Canadian equivalent of Norfolk - probably the opposite.

I can understand why the husband does not want to give up the real things he enjoys in the UK for a politically rose-tinted image of what is in Canada. I am not disputing the OP's political views or saying that she is wrong to believe she will be happier in Canada. It could well make her genuinely happy in which case she should go for it. However I couldn't think of a better illustration of the term "irreconcilable differences".

mai_taylor

fab_and_frugal wrote: »

Jackieboy -

and just so you understand, this was BEFORE my OH's revelation that he has been misleading this whole time - nothing has been discussed since he has made it clear he's staying in the UK whatever happens.
You seem to have taken my posts to mean I hate my husband and would rather be anywhere without him than with him in the UK - that is absolutely NOT the case and if it was I wouldn't have bothered writing the original post in the first place. I didn't mention Australia, my son did. I told everyone to illustrate how badly we want to emigrate and that it's not just that if Canada say no we stay put.
No I don't like the UK, apologies to those of you who love it here and consider it your home but I think it is a Tory-run mess and will be for the next couple of decades at least, that is becoming more far right with each day that passes and economically is run by a bunch of folk I wouldn't leave in charge of the school tuck shop never mind a whole economy. It's been happening for decades and has gone well past the point of no return. And it rains. A LOT. And the NHS is failing rapidly, and things are getting worse which will impact hugely on the lives of my young adult children and their future children. So yeah, the ONLY thing that is keeping me here in the UK is my husband, so how is that me saying that he is so awful I'd go anywhere rather than be with him?

Same with any country, you stay anywhere long enough you will see the political problems, nowhere's perfect. I think you'll find the grass isn't always greener.

moneyistooshorttomention

mai_taylor wrote: »

Same with any country, you stay anywhere long enough you will see the political problems, nowhere's perfect. I think you'll find the grass isn't always greener.

Agreed - that it's perfectly possible to move even within the same country and find there are some "political problems" one didn't have in previous area of the country. Yep....West Country to West Wales in my case....and it's surprising how different the "politics" are. So - goodness knows if moving to a different country....

But I'm guessing OP is bearing that in mind - ie that different areas of the same country can vary a lot in that respect.

fab_and_frugal

Thanks everyone, I've been working the past couple of days so haven't had the opportunity to pop in but I appreciate your comments.

Yes, there are racist bigots everywhere - yesterday's events in Canada show that it's certainly far from perfect there either. Sad but true.

As I've said throughout I am far from thinking a move would be some sort of Utopian future for us but I still think that it's worth a try after all these years of planning and preparing and dreaming about it.

OH did say he was sorry for misleading all these years but is now steadfast that he will not leave under any circumstances, even for a trial period. He thinks I should just accept our lives are here and make the most of it, and to do anything else, to want anything else, makes me selfish because it's not what he wants and our lives are "fine as they are".

xx

fab_and_frugal

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

That's the one plus point I see here - ie that he realises lying was a mistake in hindsight.

At least he is admitting he shouldnt have lied. I hope he has also expressed sincere apologies for lying.

Not really moneyistooshort...he did say during the very heated discussion that it was a mistake but he doesn't seem to be feeling remorseful about it

xx

moneyistooshorttomention

fab_and_frugal wrote: »

He thinks I should just accept our lives are here and make the most of it, and to do anything else, to want anything else, makes me selfish because it's not what he wants and our lives are "fine as they are".

xx

So - he's moved on from lying to you to trying to undermine you and your faith in your own judgement.:cool:

That is simply not on to call you selfish - when you've always been open with him right from the outset that this was your intention. That doesnt rate as selfish in my book. That rates as being absolutely straight with him imo.

Since when was it selfish to want something different to what someone else wants in these circumstances? You want what you want and you are perfectly entitled to do so. He wants what he wants - but hasnt even had the decency to be honest with you about it.

So if he's gone:
tactic 1 - lying
on to
tactic 2 - trying to undermine you

then I wonder what tactic 3 will be (ie when he realises he has failed with tactic 2).

I'd hazard a guess (particularly with you being a nurse - ie you have nursing knowledge and, presumably, went into nursing for compassionate reasons??) that he "throws a sickie" next. That being to develop (apparently) some noticeable illness that he figures will tie you to him - as he'd pull the guilt trip thing on you to try and stop you.:cool:

Yep...I'm getting very cynical about his way of operating by now...

FBaby

I guess he is reacting the way he is because he knows the game is over. He has probably lived all those years with the anxiety that the time would come when he would have to admit the truth knowing that it might mean the potential end of your marriage.

It sounds like he has chosen the UK over you, are you going to chose Canada (or abroad) over him?

stormbreaker

fab_and_frugal wrote: »

OH did say he was sorry for misleading all these years but is now steadfast that he will not leave under any circumstances, even for a trial period. He thinks I should just accept our lives are here and make the most of it, and to do anything else, to want anything else, makes me selfish because it's not what he wants and our lives are "fine as they are".

xx

If this is his opinion, then he too is selfish. Life is too short. If it is something you have always wanted to do then, go for it. Good luck, in many ways I wish I was you :T