Am I being too selfish?

seven-day-weekend

Oh dear, well if he is not willing to compromise even a little, either you have to, or you go on your own and that is the end of your marriage.

Only you can decide whether that is a price worth paying.

I wish you well.

FBaby

I think I could accept it so much more easily if he had simply changed his mind but he has been clear over the past couple of weeks that he has never had any intention of going and just went along with what I was saying in the hope that I'd "get it out of my system" somehow.

Has he really or is what you've heard? Because if that is indeed the case, I really can't see how he could even come up with saying that you are selfish, and secondly, why admit it, when he could easily have said that he changed his mind as life changed and as such, you might indeed have been more understanding.

If indeed he was totally clear with himself the entire 30 years that in no circumstances whatsover he would move, but went along with your excitement, work with you on making plans, projecting both you and him being there, then that is the most utter betrayal, and for me, that would have killed any love I had for my partner, and very much doubt any counselling would bring it back. I'd be out of it.

gettingtheresometime

What would happen if say the children were able to emigrate but you couldn't ?

They should make the decision to emigrate - and to whatever country they want - based on their own aspirations.

Your decision is admittedly harder. What would happen if you pushed ahead, no doubt putting your marriage on the line but then couldn't emigrate..

I don't understand though why you would settle for country B ( whatever that may be) if you couldn't get into Canada.

*Robin*

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

I don't understand though why you would settle for country B ( whatever that may be) if you couldn't get into Canada.

See post 89.

gettingtheresometime

*Robin* wrote: »

See post 89.

So she hates the UK ( please tell me she'll give up her right to vote in elections that won't affect her but everybody else).

In that case sod the hubby and get that visa application form in tonight

Loz01

Why are people mad that her husband said he wouldn't want to move because of his football team? I wouldn't emigrate for a few reasons but football IS one of them, if football is your main love/hobby then you don't want to give it up. And Canada doesn't have football the same way we do with local teams and rivalries etc... I know you probably think he's saying that as an excuse but I feel like if it was a different sport/hobby that women didn't roll their eyes at then it would be taken more seriously as a reason as to why he wants to stay.

stormbreaker

I've read your first post and skipped all the responses.

I have an acquaintance whose son had emigrated to Australia. It was something she had always fancied. Against her husbands wishes she applied for a got a job down under. He was welcome to join her but decided against it. They sold the family home and he got himself a flat.

Her daughter soon followed.

After around 12-18 months the husband decided to give it a try. Two years on, daughter married and now they are grandparents and neither have looked back. He is loving it!

I only saw him once in the passing whilst his wife was the other side of the world and he looked down right miserable.

There was never any animosity between them.

fab_and_frugal

Thanks everyone

gettingthere... - should it be the case that my children were accepted for emigration and I wasn't I would do everything I could to encourage them to go for it and would visit them as often as humanly possible, and would try again in a while with hopefully a better outcome. And I would give up voting in the UK as I would think I had no right to (morally if not legally) if I wasn't actually living here. I've not really given a lot of thought to "country B" - it was just something my son mentioned that we should consider our options just in case we're not accepted (before OH's revelations that he wasn't leaving under any circumstances).

Loz - I don't think anyone was mad (I'm certainly not, just a bit surprised as often he needs dragged along to a match!) at the football team reason but I do know that his team (or I should say our team, the family all go together) have a huge following in Canada (including my own family) .

Stormbreaker - I am really happy that it worked out for your friend, that's fabulous to hear.

FBaby - no he has been really clear that he has had no intention of going. We had a long (over several days!) discussion about it as I feel it is time to start the ball rolling as I know it takes a while for things to be processed, so it is essentially crunch time...when I reminded him of different things he had said over the years he was clear that he was only using delaying tactics in the hope that it would all just go away. He was upset at telling me, said that he realises it was a mistake with hindsight so I do believe him and it's not just that he has changed his mind. I am finding this the most difficult thing to deal with tbh.

xxx

moneyistooshorttomention

That's the one plus point I see here - ie that he realises lying was a mistake in hindsight.

At least he is admitting he shouldnt have lied. I hope he has also expressed sincere apologies for lying.

stormbreaker

fab_and_frugal wrote: »

?...when I reminded him of different things he had said over the years he was clear that he was only using delaying tactics in the hope that it would all just go away. He was upset at telling me, said that he realises it was a mistake with hindsight so I do believe him and it's not just that he has changed his mind. I am finding this the most difficult thing to deal with tbh.

xxx

On reading this I don't think he has taken the time over the years to consider that he was telling you lies and I don't think he has intentionally set out to betray or hurt you. It is in my opinion and especially with men, to say things they think you want to hear, just to appease you. It's easier to do that than face confrontation, more so if everything else is ok
He is now facing the prospect of loosing his family, which will upset him.