Thank you messages

System

On the one hand i don;t give gifts with expectation of being thanked, thats not what its about but i was brought up to say thank you and make sure i do so. When i was little it was writing a thank you letter, now its a thank you phone call (small family, and its nice to thank them over the phone cos i can have a chat and a catch up too).

If they're adults (which they seem to be) then they should be responsible enough to thank you themselves. I do understand that not saying thank you kind of makes you feel unappreciated, and if its making you feel bad then stop giving them gifts. Theres only 2 options, the former or you accept they wont say thanks and continue to give. its your call.

Hedgehog99

Handwritten thank you letters all the way. Even more valuable given the prevalence of digital communication.

Ever seen your grand, great grand or great x however many grandparent's handwriting?

Isn't it lovely? To see their handwriting, how they set out the letter and what their signature is like?

If we don't hand-write letters anymore, future generations won't have this pleasure.

System

My grandparents had beautuful handwriting (i still have a the last card my nan ever sent me ) but tbh my handwriting is closer to that of 6 year olds.:eek: I blame it on the fact i barely ever handwrite anything these days.

I do understand your sentiment though, and periodically still handwrite letters to my Grandma. I think there has been a massive shift is the last 10 years, i assume kids still do handwriting in schools but everything these days is done on a computer, its becoming a lost art!

FBaby

It's that same attitude that is becoming more and more common.... 'why should I make an effort to make someone else happy? If they don't like the way I do things, then they can get lost. You should give and not expect to receive back, but of course, I'll make sure to give you as little as possible if you're not doing something for me in return'.

Why are we becoming so self-centered that everything has to be about us rather than them? If grand ma prefers to receive a card, and doing so makes her happy, whereas a text would have no effect, then is it really such hardship to make the effort to get her a card knowing that doing so will bring a smile on her face whereas a text would have no effect, even if it would make no difference to us, even if it means going a bit out of my way to do it?

onlyroz

FBaby wrote: »

Why are we becoming so self-centered that everything has to be about us rather than them? If grand ma prefers to receive a card, and doing so makes her happy, whereas a text would have no effect, then is it really such hardship to make the effort to get her a card knowing that doing so will bring a smile on her face whereas a text would have no effect, even if it would make no difference to us, even if it means going a bit out of my way to do it?

If Grandma owns a mobile phone and knows how to send and receive texts, I don't see the difference between a card and a text that conveys the same message. These days texts can be accompanied by pictures, animated gifs and sound effects - all crafted for granny's pleasure.

In years gone by households would probably have had a stash of notepaper, envelopes and stamps for sending such notes. These days people might have to make a special trip to buy all three, just to keep granny happy.

You never know, if Granny learns how to text her grandchildren she might find that it's a great way to keep in touch more frequently - and might find herself the recipient of some amusing pouty selfies that she can treasure forever.

Izadora

onlyroz wrote: »

If Grandma owns a mobile phone and knows how to send and receive texts, I don't see the difference between a card and a text that conveys the same message.

The difference is that Grandma has a strong preference for a card.

My Auntie, who's coming up 80, has a phone and will send me text messages every now and then but still loves receiving thank you cards. She wouldn't be offended if I sent her a text or called to say thank you but I know how happy sending a card will make her so why wouldn't I make the effort?

onlyroz

Izadora wrote: »

The difference is that Grandma has a strong preference for a card.

My Auntie, who's coming up 80, has a phone and will send me text messages every now and then but still loves receiving thank you cards. She wouldn't be offended if I sent her a text or called to say thank you but I know how happy sending a card will make her so why wouldn't I make the effort?

If you want to do that for Auntie then fine. However, some have suggested that Auntie would be mortally offended if they received a text, and as a result would stop sending presents in the future. It's this level of deep offence that I just don't understand - and if Auntie became sniffy with me over receiving a thank-you text then I'd be tempted to tell her to get a grip and to stop being so entitled.

Person_one

Izadora wrote: »

The difference is that Grandma has a strong preference for a card.

I don't believe that we have the right to dictate the exact method by which we are thanked for a gift. We do have a right to expect a thank you, but that's all.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

I think the fact that writing a thank you note does require effort is the point. Time is the most valuable commodity most people have these days.

Sitting down, putting pen to paper, thinking about what you're writing, adding a personal touch (what children don't enjoy stickers, glitter, silly pics?) and going to the postbox is an expenditure of time that shows the recipient you value them.

A future in which people transfer cash online to others' bank accounts and text each other to say "thank you for transaction x13a625" is depressing.

Jackieboy

onlyroz wrote: »

You could argue that quibbling over the delivery method of a thank you message is just as discourteous as the recipient not sending the message. If somebody was going to demand from me a very specific type of gratitude then I'd be happy for them to not bother with a gift the next year.

The gratitude is the feeling had by the recipient, not the mode by which they express it. If people put time, money and/or effort into choosing a gift that will please, why should the recipient not do the same?