Thank you messages

Loz01

I used to write thank you notes as a kid, but the world has moved on. Its a piece of cake to phone/text/email/FB someone and say thank you, it doesn't mean writing a letter and buying a stamp etc anymore. If people don't say thanks, stop sending them stuff. Even family. There's really no excuse for not having a simple "thank you so much for my present/money"

FBaby

I used to write thank you notes as a kid, but the world has moved on. Its a piece of cake to phone/text/email/FB someone and say thank you, it doesn't mean writing a letter and buying a stamp etc anymore

I think this very much depends on who the giver is. My parents and OH's parents still expect a card rather than a quick easy, get out of the way, two word texts. It's about showing genuine appreciation rather than ticking the box of a To Do list.

I get very cross with my teenagers that I still have to remind them, often a number of times, to do thank you cards and that they see it as my responsibility to go and buy them. They see it as a chore rather than wanting to please back the person who took the effort, and made the sacrifice of giving them very generous sums of money. They seem very capable to find their way to the shop to buy themselves snacks, so could also buy cards, but they don't think.

They are 'typical' teenagers, I just find it sad that 'typical' seems to mean 'inconsiderate'. I fully agree that if young adults can't be bothered to say thank you at all, not just one year but each, this should be stopped.

My kids do end up writing cards or emails because I make sure they do, as I don't want my family to be upset, but I am very tempted this year to say nothing after their birthdays and see if they do it of their own accord, and then tell my parents not to bother next year if they don't!

Becles

I think it depends on if you want to keep a relationship with them or not afterwards.

If you want to keep in touch with them, I'd contact them and ask if they got the present as they never sent a thank you message. That gives them the benefit of the doubt in case they genuinely forgot or a thank you went missing in the post or whatever.

If you're not bothered about having future contact, then just don't send anything in the future.

Try and keep it as amicable if you can though. It's a long story but my children were cut off by their father's parents over a thank you letter that went missing in the post. The rejection was hard for them to deal with and they miss having contact with them.

Mojisola

Pippa44 wrote: »

However, their two brothers, now aged 18 and 26 never acknowledge birthday or Christmas gifts of money.

Becles wrote: »

That gives them the benefit of the doubt in case they genuinely forgot or a thank you went missing in the post or whatever.

Unlikely that thank you cards or messages have gone missing after every single birthday and Christmas.

NBLondon

I'm 40 something and I write thank you notes! Sometimes appropriate postcards work well. Sometimes e-mail, sometimes Facebook if I know that's the way the recipient works.


I'm with those who would not bother at all next year. Especially for over 18s!

missbiggles1

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I do agree that it is rude and unnaccepable to not aknowledge your gifts(s), just because the actual donor didn't give it you.

Many years ago, when we didn't have facebook/twitter/texting/email etc, we used to ring auntie flo and nana etc, and say thank you, or thank the person in person if it was someone who lived nearby, when we saw them next (which would usually be within a day or two.)

We buy for several friends children, and give them to the friends, and they don't usually thank us immediately, sometimes it's a week or so, but they all do thank us within 1 to 2 weeks. Usually in person, or a quick message on facebook.

I agree it's nice to send them by post if you can, but it can be quite costly (if it's a heavy present,) and risky (if's it's a voucher.) I would never send anything worth more than a tenner through the post.

I think transferring money in the bank and asking someone else to get the gift may come across as a little lacklustre to some, but for some people, there may be little choice. Some people rarely get out, and also they may not know a lot about what the child/teen wants. Yes, I know you could ask, but some people simply don't want to or don't get the chance to.

I know it sounds strange (to some) but it can be hard to know what other peoples children want; even your grandchildren (if they are teens especially!) What my daughter wanted for Christmas when she was between 10 and 15 changed fortnightly! It was a real pain sometimes, we would buy her what she had said she wanted, so as to get it before it sold out, and then she would change her mind. So we sometimes ended up spending two to three times more than we intended to for those few years.

So I kind of understand Pippa44, and wouldn't call her lazy at all.

She wasn't daft, was she?;):rotfl:

Lily-Rose_3

Lily-Rose wrote: »

What my daughter wanted for Christmas when she was between 10 and 15 changed fortnightly! It was a real pain sometimes, we would buy her what she had said she wanted, so as to get it before it sold out, and then she would change her mind. So we sometimes ended up spending two to three times more than we intended to for those few years.

missbiggles1 wrote: »

She wasn't daft, was she?;):rotfl:

:rotfl::T You're not wrong there my dear! Crafty little mare!

Becles wrote: »

I think it depends on if you want to keep a relationship with them or not afterwards.

If you want to keep in touch with them, I'd contact them and ask if they got the present as they never sent a thank you message. That gives them the benefit of the doubt in case they genuinely forgot or a thank you went missing in the post or whatever.

If you're not bothered about having future contact, then just don't send anything in the future.

Try and keep it as amicable if you can though. It's a long story but my children were cut off by their father's parents over a thank you letter that went missing in the post. The rejection was hard for them to deal with and they miss having contact with them.

That is really really sad! Your children's grandparents cut off their own grandchildren because they didn't receive a thank you note?! That is just mean and nasty. Not to mention incredibly petty and somewhat vindictive. I hate to say this, but it sounds like your children are better off without them. If someone didn't send me a thank you note, I may be a bit miffed, (maybe,) but I wouldn't disown them. Wow.

LadyDee

annandale wrote: »

I don't expect a thank you note when I give presents. If someone gives me a present and I'm with them I'll say thanks, otherwise I'll text to say thank you.

If I received a text to thank me for a present, it would be the last present they received from me. They should jolly well pick up the phone and actually speak to you. Texting in such a situation I think is totally unacceptable.

WanderingWalter

I'm late 30's and I still thank people personally for gifts or presents, most of those people get a nicely written thank you card.

Pollycat

LadyDee wrote: »

If I received a text to thank me for a present, it would be the last present they received from me. They should jolly well pick up the phone and actually speak to you. Texting in such a situation I think is totally unacceptable.

I'd say having no thank you at all is totally unacceptable.
Personally, as long as someone took the time to thank me in any shape or form, I'd consider that acceptable.