Thank you messages

Newly_retired

Being unsure if I would get to see my nephew and his wife and family, I went to quite a bit of trouble to buy presents and send them by post. I have heard nothing. I would be quite happy with an email or message on Facebook. As it is I don't even know if they arrived. This year they haven't bought me a present, though this is the first time.

They live about 35 miles away. I would have driven over but did not have time before Christmas and didn't like to turn up uninvited last week in case other relatives were there. In any case, I had already sent the presents.
Not sure whether to enquire, or just leave it and not send next year.
It really is bad manners.

Kaye1

My children write them each year, although I am pretty slow!

The oldest writes them from a list I give her- e.g. Aunty Sue, Nanny B etc. In the heat of present opening, they find it tricky to keep track, so I do.

The youngest has to write her name on the other side of the card (she is only little) or draw a picture.

I have explained that as they have gone to the trouble of buying them gifts with their money, we can go to the trouble of saying thank you.

We tend to do them in blocks of 3 cards and they will be expected to keep this up. I have no problem with the oldest swapping to email (which will probably be soon.)

gettingtheresometime

Dird wrote: »

I've not said thanks for anything this year. My mom drops off gifts for uncle/auntie/cousin and collects from them.

Unless it's handed over directly to me (e.g. when I'd go to my grandads a few years ago he'd hand me a card/money) then I say thanks, otherwise don't both

That would be you off the Christmas Present list then.

And as for the 'hassle' of writing a thank you or at least phoning, then if you can't face the 'hassle' I'm sorry but I wouldn't want the 'hassle' of buying you a pressie either

Pippa44

Person_one wrote: »

They should thank you, yes, but let's face it paying money into their mum's bank account so she can go and get them vouchers is a bit of a lazy way to give a gift! There's no thought or effort there at all is there? Its practically an anonymous donation! Even if you are physically unable to shop or get to the post office, you can clearly use a computer.

They're bad receivers, and if you want to stop sending the money I think you'd be perfectly within your rights, but there are manners and rituals for giving too that you haven't got quite right.

I strongly refute your accusation/assumption of laziness and that no thought or effort has gone into this.
We live 150 miles apart and do not see the older boys more than once a year. We always ask their parents what they think the boys would like and are told they prefer vouchers to purchase computer games. Having no knowledge of these and not having the particular store near us nor knowing which games they already own - we transfer money to the parents' account for them to purchase the vouchers.
We then buy cards for enclosing the vouchers, write a personal note in each and post these to the parents for them to insert the vouchers.
Which manners and rituals haven't we got quite right?!!

Pippa44

cjdavies wrote: »

I wouldn't expect a thank you card, but just any type of a thank you will do.

I agree. A text or telephone call would be fine.

silvercar

I would phone them up and ask if they received the present, ask what it will be spent on, ask about their lives and how they are doing. Have a general chat. Maintain contact with the next generation. Surely the giver gains as much as the receiver? Xmas spirit to all!

Pollycat

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

That would be you off the Christmas Present list then.

And off mine too.

Not bothering to say 'thank you' simply because the gift wasn't handed over by the donor is a poor excuse, imho.

I wouldn't mind how the 'thank you' came, be it a phone call, text. letter or email.

Simply not saying anything at all is just rude.

Pop_Up_Pirate

Pippa44 wrote: »

I know they have received the presents as I transferred money to their parents' bank account to buy vouchers for what they would like.

We have thought about the 'over 18' idea but, as most of them are well over 18 now, it seems a bit late for that!

We have been happy to continue until they have children of their own (when we buy for the great-grandchildren instead) but are hurt that the two concerned show no inclination to say thank you.

Why don't you buy vouchers and send them in a card yourself?
Maybe your grand-children think "If grandma can't be bothered to send us vouchers in a card herself, then we won't be bother responding"

Strange what people would do. I would never transfer money into my daughters account for her to go out and buy the vouchers.

Pop_Up_Pirate

Pippa44 wrote: »

I strongly refute your accusation/assumption of laziness and that no thought or effort has gone into this.
We live 150 miles apart and do not see the older boys more than once a year. We always ask their parents what they think the boys would like and are told they prefer vouchers to purchase computer games. Having no knowledge of these and not having the particular store near us nor knowing which games they already own - we transfer money to the parents' account for them to purchase the vouchers.
We then buy cards for enclosing the vouchers, write a personal note in each and post these to the parents for them to insert the vouchers.
Which manners and rituals haven't we got quite right?!!

I suppose that is kind of lazy.
You could phone the boys to ask them what they want rather than asking parents? My parents wouldn't have a clue what I'd want for a gift. Or they might think they do, but be wrong about it.
You could send high street vouchers which can be used in many different shops?
You could buy those online?

It does seem that the way you want to do it is click of a button, money in someone else's account....let them deal with the rest of it, duty done.

"Its the thought that counts" does not mean "I thought about you and you got something"
It means "I've thought long and hard, and put effort into giving you something I think you will like, personally from me no matter how much or how little it costs, I think you will love it."

Mojisola

Pop_Up_Pirate wrote: »

"Its the thought that counts" does not mean "I thought about you and you got something"

It means "I've thought long and hard, and put effort into giving you something I think you will like, personally from me no matter how much or how little it costs, I think you will love it."

I know that's the saying but I doubt it's true in most cases.

Given the choice between Granny sending daughter/son some money and the grandchildren's parents buying a suitable voucher and Granny thinking a lot about each grandchild while scouring the shops to find the perfect knick-knack that only cost £2, the vast majority of people would opt for the former.