Thank you messages

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Our grandchildren on one side of the family, aged 18-21, immediately acknowledge gifts.
We usually get a thank you card from two other young grandchildren on the other side of the family. However, their two brothers, now aged 18 and 26 never acknowledge birthday or Christmas gifts of money. We can hardly ask their parents to insist on them sending thanks.
We have always treated our grandchildren the same but are wondering if it's time to call a halt to birthday/Christmas presents to those who can't be bothered to say thank you!

I'd love to hear what others think - or do - in this situation.
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  • DigForVictory
    DigForVictory Posts: 11,913 Forumite
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    Depends on how subtle you wish to be - me, I'd let rip & call asking if they've had my present as I've heard nothing & worry the postie's had it...

    Or say that since everyone's over 18, you're knocking it on the head, but may indulge a child you hear from.

    Or simply, "since I never know what you've done with it, I presume you don't need the money". Which should shift them into texting, emailing &/or writing, or they genuinely don't need it.

    Blackmail? Hardly - presents should be acknowledged & if their parents haven't coached them, the 'children' can learn by going without.
  • Pippa44
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    I know they have received the presents as I transferred money to their parents' bank account to buy vouchers for what they would like.

    We have thought about the 'over 18' idea but, as most of them are well over 18 now, it seems a bit late for that!

    We have been happy to continue until they have children of their own (when we buy for the great-grandchildren instead) but are hurt that the two concerned show no inclination to say thank you.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,559 Forumite
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    Pippa44 wrote: »
    However, their two brothers, now aged 18 and 26 never acknowledge birthday or Christmas gifts of money.
    Pippa44 wrote: »
    We have been happy to continue until they have children of their own (when we buy for the great-grandchildren instead) but are hurt that the two concerned show no inclination to say thank you.

    It would be interesting to see if they manage to make contact with you if the next expected present doesn't appear. :)
  • Lily-Rose_3
    Lily-Rose_3 Posts: 2,732 Forumite
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    Agree with Digforvictory. Stop sending stuff. They're adults now!!!

    If they do gripe about it, I would be blunt and say 'well you never acknowledge what I give you anyway!'
    Proud to have lost over 3 stone (45 pounds,) in the past year! :j Now a size 14!


    You're not singing anymore........ You're not singing any-more! :D
  • Serendipitious
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    Someone once rang me to thank me for their children's gifts, giving the excuse that their children were now 'too old' to be expected to write thank you cards.

    I didn't send any more after that.
    “All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.”




  • ripplyuk
    ripplyuk Posts: 2,891 Forumite
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    Pippa44 wrote: »
    I know they have received the presents as I transferred money to their parents' bank account to buy vouchers for what they would like.

    My grandmother used to give money to my mum to pass on to me for my birthday or Christmas. I only found out when granny eventually asked me if I'd got the money. I hadn't. My mum either forgot about it or used it for other things.

    I'm sure it's unlikely this has happened in the OP's case, but just wanted to point out that it's a possibility.

    If they're just ungrateful and not bothered about saying thank you, then I wouldn't send money again. Maybe just a card or something small. At 18 and 26, they should know better by now.
  • Fireflyaway
    Fireflyaway Posts: 2,766 Forumite
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    I'd stop sending anything. Do you ever see them? If so I'd probably give them a small gift in person. I stopped receiving presents from grandparents / uncles etc once I turned about 16 or 18. I can see how it might be hard to stop but they sound very ungrateful.
  • Mayflower10cat
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    My own niece and nephew are dreadful about 'thank you's'. Aged 17 and 15. If we give them a present in person, they say thank you. If we drop presents off to make sure they get them in time, I never hear anything. My BiL is just as bad.

    I'd be perfectly happy with a quick email/text/call, not a written note as my parents insisted we sent when I was growing up.
  • Primrose
    Primrose Posts: 10,625 Forumite
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    Time to stop sending them now they're adults. But if you decide to continue giving money, don't pay it into their bank accounts as they may never check them from one month's to another and not realise the money has been paid in
    Send unsigned cheques and pretend you have "accidentally forgotten" to sign then. That should encourage a response of some kind!
  • onlyroz
    onlyroz Posts: 17,661 Forumite
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    edited 2 January 2017 at 8:36PM
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    We had this with our nieces, now aged 21 and 23. A few years back they would get about £30 each. No acknowledgement, let alone a thank you. The year after they got £20 each. The next year they got £10 each. This year they got nothing. I'm not losing any sleep over it.

    One of the nieces now has a daughter. We sent the baby a present and her grandmother thanked us. Not a peep from our niece. I think we'll continue to send the baby a present because it's not her fault that her mother doesn't have any manners.
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