Thank you messages

onlyroz

Jackieboy wrote: »

The gratitude is the feeling had by the recipient, not the mode by which they express it. If people put time, money and/or effort into choosing a gift that will please, why should the recipient not do the same?

It's the "should" that I have a problem with. People say "you don't give to receive" - but to say "I expect a hand written note in grovelling thanks for this gift, otherwise I won't bother next year" *is* giving to receive.

squibbs25

I don't think it's important how a thank you is done (card,Email,text,phone call etc) PROVIDING it is done.
My own nan used to be so upset at not being acknowledged by her adult grandchildren over the years (from them being 18 onwards into their 40's) that eventually they didn't receive as many gifts. Not only was she never acknowledged with a thank you they also never sent her a birthday/ Christmas gift, even when it was raised with their mum (nan would ask if she had given them the money) she used to make excuses that they were too busy to come to the phone or out.

I (along with other members of the family) think they are all rude and broke my heart to see they way they treated her.

We all thought it was extremely rude of all of them.

FBaby

, I don't see the difference between a card and a text that conveys the same message

That's the point YOU might not see the difference but they might do and the act of thanking them is about them not about the receiver of the gift.

It would be the same attitude of them giving you a gift they would like themselves regardless of whether you want it or not.

theEnd

onlyroz wrote: »

It's the "should" that I have a problem with. People say "you don't give to receive" - but to say "I expect a hand written note in grovelling thanks for this gift, otherwise I won't bother next year" *is* giving to receive.

Fully agree.

Bit shocked by some of the comments on this thread. You give a gift, because you want to give a gift, not so the other person is obliged to send you a card tell you how great you are.

I'd be embarrassed to get a thank you card.

Jackieboy

onlyroz wrote: »

It's the "should" that I have a problem with. People say "you don't give to receive" - but to say "I expect a hand written note in grovelling thanks for this gift, otherwise I won't bother next year" *is* giving to receive.

I think that's just being emotive - why should the thanks be considered any more grovelling by putting pen to paper?

I think that you're missing the point that, if people see thanking you as a bother, perhaps you might start to feel that buying the present was as well.

Personally, I have to say I'd be happy with a phone call or a decent email/e card but would be unimpressed by a text.

theEnd

Jackieboy wrote: »

I think that's just being emotive - why should the thanks be considered any more grovelling by putting pen to paper?

I think that you're missing the point that, if people see thanking you as a bother, perhaps you might start to feel that buying the present was as well.

Personally, I have to say I'd be happy with a phone call or a decent email/e card but would be unimpressed by a text.

But if the gift has come from someone who'll be upset if you only thank them by text, maybe it's not a gift you want.

squibbs25

Pollycat wrote: »

I'd say having no thank you at all is totally unacceptable.
Personally, as long as someone took the time to thank me in any shape or form, I'd consider that acceptable.

THIS!!!! Spot on pollycat

fierystormcloud

onlyroz wrote: »

You could argue that quibbling over the delivery method of a thank you message is just as discourteous as the recipient not sending the message. If somebody was going to demand from me a very specific type of gratitude then I'd be happy for them to not bother with a gift the next year.

Agree. :T

FBaby wrote: »

It's that same attitude that is becoming more and more common.... 'why should I make an effort to make someone else happy? If they don't like the way I do things, then they can get lost. You should give and not expect to receive back, but of course, I'll make sure to give you as little as possible if you're not doing something for me in return'.

Why are we becoming so self-centered that everything has to be about us rather than them? If grand ma prefers to receive a card, and doing so makes her happy, whereas a text would have no effect, then is it really such hardship to make the effort to get her a card knowing that doing so will bring a smile on her face whereas a text would have no effect, even if it would make no difference to us, even if it means going a bit out of my way to do it?

But this works both ways Fbaby. You could also argue that the person haughtily demanding a hand written letter for a gift they have given you, (and your name will be mud if you don't give them one!) is also saying "If they don't like the way I do things, then they can get lost." Thanking someone via a text or email or a message on facebook or twitter is perfectly acceptable, (if the sender has access to these mediums of course,) and anyone demanding a hand written letter or phone call when those options are available just comes across as a bit precious and rather demanding to me.

I have read on here, stories of people going up the wall, and even disowning people because they didn't say thank you for their present. I find that astounding. You have every right to be peeved of course, and you can even choose to not buy them anything again, but this sniffy 'I'm not talking to you again because you didn't send me a thank you letter' is petty and narcissistic.

Frankly, if someone is going to have a strop on with me, go into a massive mood, and make my name mud amongst the wider family and neighbourhood because I didn't send them a thank you letter or card for a gift they got me, I would rather they kept it to themselves.

Demanding hand written cards or letters to thank you for something, is very narcissistic and smacks of an entitled-to attitude. As I said, keep your gift if you're that precious.

theEnd wrote: »

Fully agree.

Bit shocked by some of the comments on this thread. You give a gift, because you want to give a gift, not so the other person is obliged to send you a card tell you how great you are.

I'd be embarrassed to get a thank you card.

This ^ :T

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

On the one hand i don;t give gifts with expectation of being thanked, thats not what its about

Exactly. It is nice to get a thank you, but I'm not going to cry and have a meltdown if I don't get one. And if it bothers people THAT much, (not getting a hand written letter or phone call for a gift you have bought,) then don't buy anything!

Jackieboy

theEnd wrote: »

But if the gift has come from someone who'll be upset if you only thank them by text, maybe it's not a gift you want.

Whether you receive a present that you actually want is irrelevant to the question of thanking someone for it.

TBagpuss

onlyroz wrote: »

If the message is the same (e.g. "Thanks Auntie Flo for the £20 - I spent it on a new video game. I hope you have a happy new year") why does it matter how it's delivered? You're saying that because it's quick to send a text but time consuming and costly to write a letter that the letter has more value? Sounds a bit snobbish to me.

It's the sentiment that's important - i.e. the gift was graciously received and appreciated. The delivery of the message should be irrelevant. Sure, if Auntie Flo doesn't have a mobile then you'll have to call or write to her. But if she has a mobile or Facebook account or email address then why not use it?

Actually no, I was saying that texts *tend* to be percieved (particualrly, but not exclusively, by older people) as less personal and that they are*often* short - the issue is about the trouble you take. And my personal experience is that people tend to write a little bit more, and take a bot more trouble with a card orletter, or even with an e-mail, than they do with a text.

It's about shwing a bit of consideration for the person you are communicationg with, and thinking about how your choice of medium will come across to them. Based on my own experience, I know a fair number of older relations who do have mobile phones but who use them infrequently and see them as very functional - they are for emergency contacts, for being able to call a taxi / breakdown service, for letting someone know you are running late or have got home safely. They often don't use them, and certainly don't use texting for conversational communication.

My point is that if someone goes to the trouble of sending a gift to you, it is both polite, and kind, to go to the trouble of thinking about how they may like to be thanked, and to thank them in a way which is likly to give them plesaure, rather than defaulting to the one which is least bother for you. It's got nothing to do with snobbery and eveything to do with consideration.

And I did make the specif point that while I have a personal prefernce for actual cards or letters, I don;t think there is anything wrong at all with sending an e-mail or making a phone call, or even with a text where that is likely to be something the recipient is happy with, but that I think that for a lot of people, texting is still not on a par with letter , or even with e-mails.