Thank you messages

annandale

It was wrapped in Christmas paper, accompanied by a Christmas card and the gift was Christmas themed. Surely its not beyond the realms of reasonable possibility that someone might on occasion give a Christmas gift to say thank you to someone if the thank you they want to give is just before Christmas.

I gave her a gift because I was delighted with the gift she gave me and I wanted to do something nice for her in return. I dont tend to do anything in life because I have to.

The point I was making irrespective of whether this was a thank you gift or a Christmas gift is that there might be, on occasion, instances where you get given a gift by someone who isn't a close friend or a family member and you might not automatically know whether they would prefer thanked in person/by card/email or text.

No more than that.

FBaby

But this works both ways Fbaby. You could also argue that the person haughtily demanding a hand written letter for a gift they have given you, (and your name will be mud if you don't give them one!) is also saying "If they don't like the way I do things, then they can get lost."

All through your post you mention the word 'demanding'. There has been no mention of anyone demanding anything, just 'appreciating'. There is a massive difference between the two, with 'expecting' somewhere in the middle.

Pollycat

annandale wrote: »

It was wrapped in Christmas paper, accompanied by a Christmas card and the gift was Christmas themed. Surely its not beyond the realms of reasonable possibility that someone might on occasion give a Christmas gift to say thank you to someone if the thank you they want to give is just before Christmas.

A 'thank you' disguised as a Christmas gift then.

I give thank you gifts to say 'thank you' and gifts at Christmas to say 'Merry Christmas' but Hey!
Maybe that's just me.

annandale wrote: »

I gave her a gift because I was delighted with the gift she gave me and I wanted to do something nice for her in return. I dont tend to do anything in life because I have to.

But you did make the point that some people might buy something just to reciprocate

annandale wrote: »

If theyve bought you one first perhaps and you want to respond by giving them a gift. Ive received christmas gifts from people I didn't know too well. Like the co worker I mentioned in my previous post. She bought me a christmas gift to thank me for doing her a favour in the workplace.

which is why I mentioned it.

Seems a very silly (and non-MSE) practice to me - whether you personally do it or not..

annandale wrote: »

The point I was making irrespective of whether this was a thank you gift or a Christmas gift is that there might be, on occasion, instances where you get given a gift by someone who isn't a close friend or a family member and you might not automatically know whether they would prefer thanked in person/by card/email or text.

No more than that.

I'd say the less you know someone who has bought you a gift, the less important it is to worry about the most appropriate or pleasing to them method of thanking them.

Just do it.

I'm sure the less they know you, the less they'll be offended by however you choose to say 'thank you'.

Jackieboy

Person_one wrote: »

It depends on how reasonable her expectations are.

If Granny's feelings will be hurt by a genuinely meant and genuinely grateful thank you text or email rather than a handwritten note, then no I don't think so.

I find that thank you cards are always a bit stilted and awkward anyway, because its just not a natural way for most people to communicate these days. Most people will express their feelings and have more of a meaningful and genuine conversation through text, phone or email.

Communication is a two way process - it may not be natural to write a note but it can be perfectly natural to receive one. If the recipient has access to email, that's the ideal compromise, particularly if written in proper English.

FBaby

Most people will express their feelings and have more of a meaningful and genuine conversation through text, phone or email.

Really? Not at all in my circle, which includes older members who are all in regular use of texts, emails and even Facebook, as well as parents in their 30/40s. We all do thank you cards.

Considering how rare it now is to get something nice through the post, a card through the letter box is a much nicer surprise than a text amongst all the mundane ones I receive every day.

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

Considering how rare it now is to get something nice through the post, a card through the letter box is a much nicer surprise than a text amongst all the mundane ones I receive every day.

With our older family members, I send cards (and postcards when we go away) because I know they like to put them out and show them to carers and other visitors. Taking your phone out and showing someone a text isn't quite the same thing.

Person_one

FBaby wrote: »

Really? Not at all in my circle, which includes older members who are all in regular use of texts, emails and even Facebook, as well as parents in their 30/40s. We all do thank you cards.

If it works for you that's fine, nobody's saying thank you cards are wrong, but I personally think a medium that allows an actual conversation/exchange is much nicer, I suspect I'm not in a minority on that one. I think the only time that thank you cards are still de rigueur is for weddings.

Lbuk

I think that it makes perfect sense to not give gifts to those who do not say thank you until you consider that you are family.

You are expected to provide for those less established within the family and them not saying thank you reflects just as badly upon yourself as it does them because you have let your relationship deteriorate from way before they turned 18. It doesn't just happen overnight.

You stop sending gifts without discussing this and that's going to be the end of your relationship.

I remember an aunt when I was a child who would send money and we'd visit her but she was an awful women. I didn't say thank you because I almost felt like the money meant I had to be nice to her and I didn't appreciate that! Then she very rightly stopped sending money to me and my equally ungrateful sister and thank goodness we never had to tolerate her ever again! Hurray.

Person_one

Jackieboy wrote: »

Communication is a two way process - it may not be natural to write a note but it can be perfectly natural to receive one. If the recipient has access to email, that's the ideal compromise, particularly if written in proper English.

Well, it'd be pretty daft to try and text somebody who doesn't have a mobile or has never texted in their life! If they are perfectly capable of texting, phoning, emailing etc. though then I see no reason why a recipient of a gift can't choose any of those perfectly valid communication methods to express their gratitude.

Marvel1

I don't write Christmas cards, so I'm not going to go out and buy thank you cards and write them out.

When I receive cards for anything, they end up in the bin anyway the next day, I don't want to keep clutter.