Thank you messages

TBagpuss

onlyroz wrote: »

It's the "should" that I have a problem with. People say "you don't give to receive" - but to say "I expect a hand written note in grovelling thanks for this gift, otherwise I won't bother next year" *is* giving to receive.

Except that no-one on this thread has been saying "I expect a hand written note in grovelling thanks for this gift, otherwise I won't bother next year"

What people are saying is that
1 failing to acknowledge or thank someone for a gift is rude.
2 Lots of people still feel that a letter / card is a good way to express those thanks as it is a little more formal, and concrete than some other methods.

Pretty much everyone here seems to be saying that however they chose to thank people themselves, they are happy if somone they give a gift to says thank you, even if it isn't in the way they personally would pick.

onlyroz

TBagpuss wrote: »

Except that no-one on this thread has been saying "I expect a hand written note in grovelling thanks for this gift, otherwise I won't bother next year"

What people are saying is that
1 failing to acknowledge or thank someone for a gift is rude.
2 Lots of people still feel that a letter / card is a good way to express those thanks as it is a little more formal, and concrete than some other methods.

Pretty much everyone here seems to be saying that however they chose to thank people themselves, they are happy if somone they give a gift to says thank you, even if it isn't in the way they personally would pick.

At least one poster has said that they would stop sending presents if they got a thank you by text.

Someone suggested that we should be getting out glitter and glue, and hand-crafting our thank you notes - because after all granny's feelings are what matters most, aren't they?

Given a free choice my preference would be for my nieces to compose me a bespoke song and dance routine, and to perform it live in my living room as a personalised thank you for my gifts. However, I accept that if I demanded this then I would be told off for being entitled.

fierystormcloud

I think what is grating on people is the fact that some people clearly get sniffy and annoyed if they DON'T get the written letter or thank you card. Like I said, don't send gifts if you are that bothered by it.

I mean, I have actually had people - a few in my wider family, as well as neighbours/colleagues/family of my friends etc, who have slated and badmouthed someone for having the temerity for not sending a thank you letter, or (in a few cases, for not getting a gift back.) One woman I know was disgusted and irate that her 2 grandkids had 'only' sent a thank you via a text! Within a week, everyone who knew the 2 children had heard how 'naughty' they were for not sending granny a thank you letter! FGS!

So it's this behaviour that is questionable and wrong IMO. Don't buy with an expectation of a thank you letter (or a gift back) and then have a paddy if you don't get what you want, and tell everyone how angry you are. Best to just not bother.

I mean it is nice if a kiddie sends a thank you card or letter to granny or auntie Pat if she prefers it, as it is a thoughtful and considerate thing to do. But it doesn't mean they DON'T care and they are ungrateful, if they don't do it; it's just that life is busy for many, and they forget, or it's just not something they do. (And they will probably thank you when they see you anyway.)

That's a point actually, why isn't the child/person in question thanking you when they see you? And if you don't see the person in question to enable them to thank you; why are you buying them gifts? Every single person I buy gifts for is someone who is in my life; someone I see several times a month; or more. I get that there may be a few who have kids/grandkids who live in other countries, but not THAT many. So how come the child/person in question isn't thanking you when they see you? Are people buying gifts for people they never see? if so, why?

Jackieboy

onlyroz wrote: »

At least one poster has said that they would stop sending presents if they got a thank you by text.

Someone suggested that we should be getting out glitter and glue, and hand-crafting our thank you notes - because after all granny's feelings are what matters most, aren't they?

Given a free choice my preference would be for my nieces to compose me a bespoke song and dance routine, and to perform it live in my living room as a personalised thank you for my gifts. However, I accept that if I demanded this then I would be told off for being entitled.

Aren't they?

Person_one

Jackieboy wrote: »

Aren't they?

It depends on how reasonable her expectations are.

If Granny's feelings will be hurt by a genuinely meant and genuinely grateful thank you text or email rather than a handwritten note, then no I don't think so.

I find that thank you cards are always a bit stilted and awkward anyway, because its just not a natural way for most people to communicate these days. Most people will express their feelings and have more of a meaningful and genuine conversation through text, phone or email.

annandale

How do you know what someone's preference is in way of thanking them if you don't know them very well?

It's been said on here that some people would prefer being thanked in a certain way over another. You wouldn't necessarily know that unless you knew them well.

I wouldn't have an issue sending someone a thank you email but some people have email accounts and rarely check them. You could send someone an email and they might check it two months later. I was trying to contact someone last year to let them know I was leaving my job. Not a co worker, just someone who used the facility. I hadn't seen her in person, she hadn't given me her number. I saw her by chance on the day I was leaving and told her I had emailed her and she said she rarely checked her email.

There's pitfalls to every way of thanking people apart from on the phone or in person.

So if I send a text when someone preferred an email or send an email when someone wanted a card how would I know that unless I knew them really well?

A co worker gave me a gift last xmas. I gave her one in return. We thanked one another in person. I didn't expect a follow up thank you and neither did she. But someone else might have been sitting expecting a thank you card.

It can be hard to know if you've caused someone offence by not sending a thank you unless you know them well enough to know that they don't expect one.

You would need to send a card to everyone who sent you a present just in case that was their expectation and so that other forms of being thanked didn't offend.

My point is people aren't mind readers. If someone gives me a gift I'm not going to necessarily know whether they expect to be formally thanked and what their preferred way of being thanked is

Pollycat

annandale wrote: »

How do you know what someone's preference is in way of thanking them if you don't know them very well?

It's been said on here that some people would prefer being thanked in a certain way over another. You wouldn't necessarily know that unless you knew them well.

But if you don't know people that well, why would you buy them a gift in the first place?

I may be over-simplifying things as I only ever buy gifts for very close family and a few friends that I know very well.

annandale

If theyve bought you one first perhaps and you want to respond by giving them a gift. Ive received christmas gifts from people I didn't know too well. Like the co worker I mentioned in my previous post. She bought me a christmas gift to thank me for doing her a favour in the workplace.

Pollycat

annandale wrote: »

If theyve bought you one first perhaps and you want to respond by giving them a gift. Ive received christmas gifts from people I didn't know too well. Like the co worker I mentioned in my previous post. She bought me a christmas gift to thank me for doing her a favour in the workplace.

But if she bought you a gift to thank you for something specific why did you feel you had to reciprocate?

Surely it wasn't a Christmas gift at all.
Just a 'thank you'.

I really don't get this 'I have to buy a gift for someone because they've bought me something'.

Same as I don't get buying gifts for people just because they are family.

GlasweJen

I got a thank you Snapchat this Christmas, was gone before I could screen shot it but I was very happy for the sentiment as I wasn't able to see my nieces over christmas as I'm too ill and even a common cold could kill me in my current state.

My other nieces thanked me by phone (showing off her gift), a drawn picture and a thank you photo of baby with gift tagged on Facebook.