Giving a friend lifts to work, am I wrong for charging him?

Marvel1

FBaby wrote: »

My perspective is that a good friend never makes a profit from his friends. If say friend saves money as a result of the gesture, then good for them.

The friend who is saving money is making profit.

AylesburyDuck

Jlawson118 wrote: »

I have a friend who I've known for around 8 years but I've only really been close to him in the last 3/4 years.

Anyway, I went to Amsterdam with him in August and it was a lovely trip, but I ended up buying him things if they were perhaps easier to pay for on card, and when offering me the money I'd tell him not to worry about it, I wasn't bothered.

However, for a few years he's been working through an agency for a job, I recently got a Christmas temp job there and they gave him the same shifts as me, five days a week for four weeks. He asked me if I'd pick him up and take him home and he'd pay me, I told him sure. One week before he started working all week, he worked just one day of the week, I parked outside his house once taking him home and he got his wallet out, I told him to put it away and to sort something out after the next four weeks.

He was asking me how much I wanted, so I suggested maybe £10 per week but he thought it was a little much and within a few weeks, he said he'd give me no less than £25. As a friend I was fine with that. But then he argued and tried to get it down to £20. I wanted at least £30 but I could go to £25. We argued and he agreed but claimed I was ripping him off.

Once we finished, he did give me £25 but was arguing that I'm hardly going out of my way and it isn't costing me too much to pick him up and take him home, and that a real friend wouldn't have charged him. I reminded him for a one off trip it doesn't matter, but five days for four weeks does build up.

I live just short of 9 miles away from where I've been working, he lives just under 4 miles away. I can just go straight down the motorway, turn off and I'm there, but to pick him up I have to drive quite off route, stopping and starting at traffic lights but he doesn't drive so he doesn't really understand that. His friends who drive claim he is also right and I am wrong.

It's making me wonder, was I wrong to charge a friend? (apologies if this is in the wrong place, I thought friendships might class as relationships)

The first bolded paragraph was your first mistake, why on Earth would you not be bothered, he clearly seems to have seen that as setting a tone.
The second bolded bit,
Tell him to take a taxi and really get ripped off, nobody likes a !!!!!!!!!! (not sure whats wrong with the word fr33load3r) he wouldnt be remaining my friend for long, it tells you a lot about a person.

cashewnut

Taxi drivers don't earn loads! It's expensive as a regular means of travel but hardly ripping off. Get a bus if you don't like the fares.

Once drove my brother home from Glastonbury (to Hertfordshire). Thought his offer to buy me a couple of red bulls at the service station was enough. Didn't realise at the time that an extra person drains quite a lot of petrol ...

I would just stop these lifts. Op, you're too soft and need to toughen up. I'm rooting for you!

FatVonD

From what the OP said about his journey (without picking up the friend) being just a 'turn off the motorway' and the friend being able to get a bus for free but it has to be at a specific time makes me think the setup is much like one of my DS's friends who works in one of the motorway services shops. There is a bus that transports non drivers there from local meeting points and it's free.

If that is the case I can see both sides, the friend likes the convenience of getting a lift but didn't want to be paying (what he considers to be) over the odds for it. The OP is going completely out of his way by coming off the motorway to drive through suburbia to pick up his mate.

The only solution would have been to state the price expected up front and then the friend could refuse as the situation doesn't really seem to benefit anyone (apart from the friend if he gets the lifts for free.)

maisie_cat

He is taking the michael, car sharing only works fairly when both people have cars and take it in turns so both are bearing the same costs and inconvenience
What about working out what it would cost him to get to work otherwise and then charging him that? or splitting the difference?
I once made the mistake of giving somebody a lift until he got a new car. He was always running late, I would therefore be later for work when I always liked to be early. He never offered to make a contribution even though it took me 20 minutes and a few miles out of my way.
There used to be a 5p a mile official passenger rate, used for company cars,no idea if it still exists but a decent place to start
Best of luck getting out of this now

[Deleted User]

The people who hitch a lift to work without insisting on paying their way are to put it bluntly, Scumbags. Why should they get free transport to work just because they are 'friends' or 'it's on their route'?

annandale

The OPs friend isn't getting free transport. He's paying, just not enough.

springdreams

annandale wrote: »

The OPs friend isn't getting free transport. He's paying, just not enough.

But he doesn't feel that he should have to pay anything at all ... Hence this thread.

Person_one

FBaby wrote: »

Really? So if it isn't beneficial for you, you don't help a friend? If they ask you for help with packing to move somewhere, unless they pay you in one way or the other, you say no?

Well, in that situation the mutuality would more likely be that you know you can count on your friend to help you in a similar way if you ever need it.

The friend in the OP is never going to reciprocate a lift, they don't drive, so unless they find a way they can do something nice for the OP in return then a bit of cash as a token of appreciation for their help is absolutely appropriate.

Friendships are a two way thing, usually by choice and naturally though, it shouldn't have to feel forced or 'tit for tat'. A friend might help you to clear your garden so the next week you treat them to a night at the cinema or lunch to say thanks, or they call you when their car battery is flat and you turn up with jump leads then get a delivery of flowers a couple of days later.

One person doing all the favours and the other person never trying to reciprocate or acknowledge the favours is not going to work out long term! I bet the OP wouldn't feel hard done by if the friend just bought him a few beers on a Friday to say thanks, it doesn't take much.

FBaby

But he doesn't feel that he should have to pay anything at all ... Hence this thread.

Where did you get this. That's not what OP said, the disagreement relates to the amount, not that his friend think he should pay nothing.

The friend in the OP is never going to reciprocate a lift, they don't drive, so unless they find a way they can do something nice for the OP in return then a bit of cash as a token of appreciation for their help is absolutely appropriate.

Don't understand why the mutuality has to be on exactly the same basis. Friends can help each other in different ways because the need might be different.

One friend of mine used to look after my kids during inset days as I couldn't get childcare. She never asked for anything. However, a couple of years later, she separated from her husband temporarily and she asked me if she could stay over for the week-end as she knew I had an extra room and I of course agreed right away. I also used to help her when she needed to go places as she didn’t drive. I didn’t charge her. She wasn’t even a close friend!

In OP's case, who knows that one day, it might not be OP who will need transport from his friend? I totally understand asking for money from someone who is just a colleague or acquaintance, but OP says they have been friends for many years, which in my mind is very different.

Of course if all the favours are always one direction, this doesn't apply, but then why remain friend at all in this instance? We don't know what the friend is doing or not.