Giving a friend lifts to work, am I wrong for charging him?

springdreams

PaulSimons wrote: »

Seems like most people including the OP don't understand what true friendship is.

Money seems to matter more.

A true friend would make his way to the OPs house and home from there again if he wanted to be a true friend so that there is no inconvenience to the OP .... He would also not think it was out of order to pay his way in life.

Pollycat

PaulSimons wrote: »

Seems like most people including the OP don't understand what true friendship is.

Money seems to matter more.

I know exactly what true friendship is.

It's not taking advantage of 'true friends'.

My friend says I'm the only person she goes out with (she drives) who offers to pay for car parking or to buy lunch.

My friend thinks I'm a 'true friend', not a user (or 'taker' as the OP calls his friend) like some of the other people she associates with - including the couple (man & woman) who expect her to buy every other round when they're out, even though his drink alone costs double what hers costs.

I dislike mean people and in my book this so-called friend is mean by arguing the toss over a contribution towards his more comfortable and convenient ride to work.

It sounds to me that the OP has been over-generous in the past and his 'friend' is now taking advantage of that fact.

Nothing at all to do with 'understanding what true friendship is'.

Lily-Rose_3

SensibleSarah wrote: »

Before I drove I got a lift to work with a colleague 5 days a week for a while. However he certainly didn't go out of his way to get me - I made my own way to a pick up point on his normal route & he dropped me off at the same place on the way home. I paid £10 a week (there was a toll on our route so that went towards that as well as petrol) plus my bus journeys to the pickup point were costing me another £20 a week.

So OP, your friend is lucky you're being so generous. Tell him to make his own way if he's going to moan about it.

Nice to see someone who got lifts who is grateful for it. I used to get lifts occasionally from people when I couldn't drive, and I always felt bad and guilty, and always offered something.

I was glad when I learned to drive myself. Never liked having lifts, and depending on people, and frankly, I don't like people depending on me and expecting lifts either.

swingaloo wrote: »

Having had the same issues I sympathise with the OP. I offered someone who lived nearby a lift home from work one day after finding out she lived near me. I then said I would pick her up the following morning. She did offer to pay me but as she was just around the corner I declined payment as 'I was going anyway'.

Then a week or so later after she had been speaking to another co worker they asked if I could also pick the other woman up. The a 3rd one jumped on the bandwagon and I ended up taking 3 of them. They all lived on my estate but it was still a trail as I was picking up/dropping off at their doors.

However, luckily they had spoken amongst themselves and decided to give me 20 a month each which was great because I was beginning to feel a bit resentful especially as only one of them was prompt. It got to the stage where I was often having to knock one up and another one would keep me waiting to the stage where I wold be having to then rush to get to work on time.
It really got to the stage where it was just not worth the hassle.

Yep it is too much hassle. Even if someone does offer money. It's OK short-term, but can become bothersome long-term...

I used to drive my daughter to (secondary) school, and a couple of girls became friendly with her, and before I knew it, they were calling in at 8am and expecting lifts. Pretty soon, I was taking 3 other kids to school, and their parents started expecting it and taking it for granted.

Some mornings, they were at our house at 7.30am. We were coming our of the shower, or still eating breakfast! Occasionally we weren't up!!! One of them had her parents dropping her off at 7.30am on the way to work! Didn't acknowledge us or thank us; just used us like a service! (We went out to school at 8.30am.)

Then when I went to pick my daughter up, 2 or 3 of them would be waiting for a lift too. Sometimes, one girl said 'can you drop me off at my nan's... ?' ('Nan's' was an extra five mile round trip out of my way; added on to an 8 mile round trip I already had!)

When I contacted the mothers to say I am not giving lifts anymore, because I have to go get my cousins 2 girls and take them to a different school for a few weeks as my cousin had just had an operation, and I cannot get 6 children in the car (a true story,) I was called a liar, and a female dog! And the 3 mothers stopped talking to me! :eek:

DavidF wrote: »

Why should the OP pay for his/her friend to get to work ? Because the OP has saved up and passed the driving test at X cost to themselves then saved up again to purchase a road worthy car, Then shells out continually to keep the car on the road with the associated costs of this - Tax, Insurance, Wear and tear, depreciation etc etc etc.

Funny it is "usually" people who either don't have a car who seem to think the world owes them a free lift because "you were going that way". So going on the same principal im sure all these non car owners will be quite happy for the drivers to come round their house and sit inside all night watch their TV and log on to their internet.....Fairs fair as it isn't costing "anybody" anything extra. Sure it must be ok to sleep on the sofa while everyone else is in bed.....saves the driver rent and leccy ect but costs the non driver nothing.....All very silly really.

Well exactly! It's amazing the amount of people who have this entitled-to attitude, and think the world owes them a living. Well if you're going that way anyway, why can you not take me? And they are aghast and wounded and offended if you say no. And not only do they think you should take them, they don't think they should give you anything either. Bunch of free-loaders!

missbiggles1

PaulSimons wrote: »

Seems like most people including the OP don't understand what true friendship is.

Money seems to matter more.

And the OP's friend - unless you think that friendship only works one way.

Marvel1

A bloke wanted lifts off me for overtime, I agreed even though out of my way for a detour, as I only live 2 mins from motorway and had to join 2 junctions after if i picked him up.

Petrol was agreed, then made some excuse couldn't pay after taking home said pay Monday, ok, didn't pay, following week another lift , I said double as didn't pay week before, ok he said, another lame excuse and didn't pay.

Week after asked for lift, I said no, he tried to give me 2 weeks worth of petrol from before, I declined and said in a nutshell it should have been straight away and didn't give anymore lifts.

annandale

The OP's friend has a bus pass. He could simply say he can't give any more lifts and the friend could make his own way to work. He's not travelling a significant distance.

If the OP is unhappy with the current situation changing it would seem like a reasonable option.

Marvel1

FBaby wrote: »

He isn't using OP and I can't understand why you think he is. He ASKED if OP would take him. OP agreed. It is a temporary arrangement. He OFFERED to pay, OP said not. He INSISTED and then OP asked that he paid him a completely unreasonable amount. £45 a month when it costs OP probably only £5 more than before? That's a terrible friend in my book.

£10 a week = £2 a day = £1 one way to/from door, it's pennies compares to public transport.

annandale

It depends how much you use your bus pass to be honest. I pay 59 pounds for 4 weeks unlimited travel in my local area and beyond. There are times when I've done six bus journeys a day, getting to and from work, if you use it enough it works out very cheaply.

I think there are two issues here

1. If the OP feels taken advantage of he needs to do something to resolve it
2 It's hardly a huge ask asking someone to travel four miles to work on a bus

I don't drive although I probably will see about changing that soon. I've done journeys of 34 miles return and longer to get to work. The first full time job I had was a 65 mile round trip by public transport.

If someone has a bus pass and it's only four miles to work from their door I'm amazed it's ever been an issue in the first place.

Having said that, unless it was incurring me significant extra petrol costs, I probably wouldn't charge a friend for a lift, if I did I'd be looking to cover costs only.

FBaby

I think the disagreement in people's view here depends on which way you look at it.
Friend is saving money by using the help of OP, therefore he is using him
OR
OP is making a benefit from what he is receiving from friend, since it doesn't cost him much more to pick him up on his way.

My perspective is that a good friend never makes a profit from his friends. If say friend saves money as a result of the gesture, then good for them. They key part of it being a friendship though is that the gesture is returned, so that one day, it is the other way around.

Thankfully, all my friends are on the same page than me and I am confident that not one of them, in OP's position would have made such a request, just like it would never have crossed my mind to expect anything.

Serendipitious

Arrangements like this need to be mutually beneficial.

The OP might be travelling to the same workplace but he does have to amend his route and alter his own departure time to accommodate extra traffic lights and junctions to collect his friend. £10 a week or £1 a trip isn't really much compensation for that, but it is still a helpful amount to the driver.

The friend however benefits from a service which is equivalent to a taxi. The friend has a very convenient doorstep pick-up, and also he saves time not walking to bus stops and waiting/queuing for buses. He might not be saving any actual money if he has to make a contribution instead of using his free bus pass to go by bus, but the true amount he saves in this scenario is the taxi fare twice a day. In which case £10 a week is an absolute bargain.