OH been accused of having an affair

Diary

geek111 wrote: »

The whole thing is odd, I would be suspicious of this guy. You wouldn't stand and take punches plus you would want to explain everything up front, even if it meant you would be late for work. He has had time to think about what he can say. I also think the whole flexing his biceps for the women at work is weird. I work with guys that go to the gym but they don't do that stuff at work. I would try and speak to the woman involved and would be telling her that you are unhappy that your OH has been drawn in to all of this...

There is zero chance the OPs boyfriend would allow her to speak to the other woman involved in all this.

melanzana

However, he works in an environment where 80%+ of the workforce are female, not all of them from the nicest of families or backgrounds. He looks very good for his age, with an enviable physique, that belies his age.

I really really do not think either of those comments are actually normal.

How would OP know about the 80% and their backgrounds anyway?

And would anyone ever put out that oh has an eviable physique? I think many would try to think of their love and caring for us first.

Just bizarre and ridiculous.

Sam_Fallow

MilkNoSugar wrote: »

OH and I only had a few minutes before he had to leave for work to discuss this, and have exchanged some texts this morning. He says that the woman left his work over a year ago. She was either known to be, or had confided to him that she was having an affair with her ex, and wasn't sure what to do about it, as she thought someone had told her husband. For some reason, my OH seems to have been contacted for his advice. Her husband is violent, and she didn't know how to handle things.

MilkNoSugar wrote: »

He has said he will look for a job elsewhere, and will do whatever it takes to keep me. A bit too late in the day for that kind of gesture. I am reeling from this. I am furious. I do not know where to begin to see a way forward. And I thought 2016 had been a bit rubbish up til now.

Right, well I am sure you lot are all absolutely riveted by my fantasy life (oh that it were). I'm signing off now

If she left a year ago, why would he look for a job in another area?

FBaby

I don't see his behaviour as inappropriate though, and maybe that's me.

I think we are on the same page, the difference is that you seem to consider that his account of the situation is factual whereas I think he has left out the juicy parts.

melanzana

Sam_Fallow wrote: »

If she left a year ago, why would he look for a job in another area?

Groan.

Cobblers.

FBaby

And would anyone ever put out that oh has an eviable physique? I think many would try to think of their love and caring for us first.

I just read it that OP was putting things into perspective, ie. he is a physically attractive man who gets attention from female as a result. Seems relevant information in regards to the theme of this thread.

We used to have a very good looking guy in our team and he did get a l of attention. We are a close and friendly team, regularly meeting outside of work, and he was the source of many comments due to his looks. Of course he enjoyed the attention, but it was nothing but banter because none of the girls had any interest in getting involved with him, and never did he as he made it very clear that he adored his wife.

melanzana

Anyway sorry, I just think we are feeding another troll with a different name.

I feel it, and that's me sorted for this thread, although I am not out of it yet either!

Be interesting to see what transpires.

hazyjo

I just find it all very odd that the OH has apparently agreed to change his tel no, stopped social media, offered to change job (despite her not working there), and god knows what else if he's innocent. I'd be going effing mental and shouting my innocence from the rooftops and going round her house to have it out with her in front of my OH! Fair enough, we're all different, but, sorry, it just doesn't ring true/add up to me either... Seems very story-ish to me rather than factual. Also agree some strange wording.

Okay, a 20-odd year old getting comments from girls, but a 50 year old bloke? 'Show us your biceps' or whatever... does he work in a shirt/suit? If it's that bantery, you'd know already - they'd be like that in front of you. I had an ex who worked in a bank - I remember one little cow coming up to me saying 'Me and Andy are just so close, everyone thinks we're having an affair...' - and she went on about burning her !!!!! when she was shagging some bloke in front of a fire. Nice girl lol. My second husband also took me out with someone he worked with and she was literally holding his hands across the table (I was next to him) going on about some bloke, and said something like 'well, he's not married, because, well Stuart knows what I mean, wink wink nudge nudge' - I got out of him later that she likes to scratch their backs when having sex. Women like that are always the same in front of you.

When I did speak to the woman my first husband had an affair with, she was very keen to fill in the blanks. Most are. Can't be that hard to get her FB page or tel no/address.

Jx

Tiddlywinks

MilkNoSugar wrote: »

OH opened the door. Guy smacks him on the head 3 times. OH still holding his cup of tea is totally bemused, didn't recognise the fella

This is a neat little trick... getting punched in the head but still managing to keep hold of your cuppa!

Kudos - that's some skill!

Pollycat

MilkNoSugar wrote: »

He was reluctant to explain any deeper reasons for it, because he said saying anything negative about me, or how I am in our relationship, even if he felt it was a cause or trigger, was unfair, because this was all his fault. When pushed he said he felt that I had changed by putting on weight and not seeming to be doing anything about it (while he feels I expect him to stay trim & fit), I hold back emotionally in our relationship, I can be difficult to live with and like things my own way, living and dealing with step-children over the years has been stressful, and he enjoyed the escape/fun and light heartedness. It smacks of 'my OH doesn't understand me' cliche. I have pointed out that by offering undying love, commitment and trust over all these years seems to have not counted one jot, for the sake of some 'banter'. !!!!!!! how can this actually be what a grown man would do?

He's putting the blame for whatever he might have done back onto you.

Do you feel that is fair?

Has he ever mentioned your weight before?
And the fact he thinks you're difficult to live with?

"dealing with step-children"?
I thought you classed them as 'ours'.

Perhaps your relationship is nowhere near as good as you thought it was:

MilkNoSugar wrote: »

we are generally very happy and loving.

He appears to have been storing up a whole load of things about you that he doesn't like.

Maybe time to take stock of your relationship in general, not just his behaviour at work and with ex-colleagues.