OH been accused of having an affair

Thinkthin

Milknosugar......Its not easy to come back from. You will question everything from now on. I have been there and still very untrusting.

My current partner keeps his phone on silent and says that it's because he doesnt want our time interrupting. I know thats a lie. He won't change and makes me feel like I am the one with "issues". He knows what triggers my anxieties but chooses to make them worse.

2017 is my year...on my own with my kids and not answering to anyone.

It may seem tough now but unless you can really forgive/get this straight in your head that he "may" have stepped over the line. Your best option is a decision which only you can make.

Trust is everything

Take care xx

Guest101

FBaby wrote: »

If what he says is true indeed I would agree that it should be laughed at. The problem is that it is becoming and more obvious that he has been lying at worse, holding some truth at best. So when you find out your partner untrustable to whatever extend you become untrusting. Even if he hasn't had an affair his decision not to tell OP about his behaviour with his work colleagues means he has to accept some if not all responsibility for OP attitude now.

I don't see his behaviour as inappropriate though, and maybe that's me.


He's offered support and advice and joined in what seems to be the office atmosphere. IE it's a fun, slightly flirty place. To be honest, it's better than a miserable production line atmosphere.

unholyangel

Reading OP's post, it sounds incredibly like someone I know. Except they have been cheating on their wife with multiple women for the best part of a decade, possibly longer.

OP I'm sorry but i would be extremely surprised if your husband does see himself in a fatherly role. Even if he had no intention to act on it, I very much doubt he was thinking fatherly thoughts. It would be a total contradiction to everything else you said about the gym, his behaviour on social media & how the women at the office act towards him.

But none of us are in your marriage, only you. Therefore its really only your opinion that matters.

FBaby

I'm totally confused now. What has he admitted to do wrong? Because I agree with others that I don't think there is anything wrong at all with what he has admitted in terms of his social interaction with his colleagues.

Now I'm starting to wonder if he is pretending that he was wrong with his 'banter' so it can defuse what he really did wrong.

If not though why are you so upset at the confession that he was treating his female colleagues as 'mates'? And so what if they boosted his ego? You don't stop liking to feel attractive just because your older. And attractive is not just having a nice bod.

Mojisola

MilkNoSugar wrote: »

He has admitted to texting work colleagues in work, which he says has been 'banter', and along the lines of 'do you want a cuppa?', 'are you going to get your lazy !!!! up on our floor some time today', responding with something like 'beggar off, I'm drinking my tea', etc. Whether I believe him is debatable. He knew that by doing so those involved may feel more special, or be over stepping boundaries as just work mates.

He said he enjoyed the banter, and it made work funny when it can be stressful and mundane.

Whilst the messages may have been innocent enough, I find this a betrayal.

I know your emotions must be very raw at the moment but, seriously, you consider that kind of banter to be a 'betrayal'?

Guest101

FBaby wrote: »

I'm totally confused now. What has he admitted to do wrong? Because I agree with others that I don't think there is anything wrong at all with what he has admitted in terms of his social interaction with his colleagues.

Now I'm starting to wonder if he is pretending that he was wrong with his 'banter' so it can defuse what he really did wrong.

If not though why are you so upset at the confession that he was treating his female colleagues as 'mates'? And so what if they boosted his ego? You don't stop liking to feel attractive just because your older. And attractive is not just having a nice bod.

or to defuse the OP?

PeacefulWaters

Has he had the opportunity for nights of untold passion with this woman?

Guest101

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

Has he had the opportunity for nights of untold passion with this woman?

He's had 15 minutes unaccounted for 3 months ago - must be cheating.


This is the definition of mountain out of a mole hill.

melanzana

There are threads on here with a similar theme and writing style. Hmmm and a name change as well. Many snorted at the content of those threads, maybe that is why. But I couldn't possibly say for sure it is the same poster. Wink.

Anyway, I don't believe this poster.

Sorry. The plot is watery for a start and is just so over the top as to be unbelievable.

Imagine the first thing you do is post a thread on something like this a couple of hours after it happened.

There are many other things the OP could have done that morning in lieu of letting OH go to work with a few bruises and possibly a shiner, together with a violent accusation on the doorstep. OMG the shame of it all, and it was witnessed by a policeman neighbour. The embarrassment of it all.

Some people just can't help themselves when it comes to looking for attention.

geek111

The whole thing is odd, I would be suspicious of this guy. You wouldn't stand and take punches plus you would want to explain everything up front, even if it meant you would be late for work. He has had time to think about what he can say. I also think the whole flexing his biceps for the women at work is weird. I work with guys that go to the gym but they don't do that stuff at work. I would try and speak to the woman involved and would be telling her that you are unhappy that your OH has been drawn in to all of this...