OH been accused of having an affair

Pollycat

MilkNoSugar wrote: »

He hadn't had any contact with the woman after she left work a year or so ago, until she messaged him (so he says).

MilkNoSugar wrote: »

I have found her telephone number in his phone bill (I have the accounts in my name, so can see exactly how many texts were sent). I am on the war path, and am not prepared to be made a fool of. If I have to, I will call every number in his bill to find out who everyone is before I am prepared to see him as innocent.

Oh-oh!
Does that mean he lied when he told you he hadn't had any contact with her for a year?

Pity you demanded he come home to explain himself, you've probably forewarned him.

POPPYOSCAR

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

This just gets more incredible (as in unbelievable) as you go along.

Police officers are servants of the crown... they are duty bound to act regardless of the 'district'.

Secondly, this was not a 'domestic' it was a breach of the peace resulting in a violent assault - are you really suggesting an officer just stood and watched?

Finally - the social media accounts - so, your narcissistic husband just agreed to not use any social media again??? No piccies of his muscles on Snapchat??? No gym bunnie pictures on Facebook???

Yeah, right.

I am with you on this one.

Do not believe a word of it.

Dird

Reminds me of OPs OH: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2g5Hz17C4is

Obvious questions:
- How did her OH find your address? Maybe it was in their car's recent SatNav history. If not, why would she tell him your address if he wasn't guilty of fertilising this woman? (someone else already asked here)
- Your OH claims not to know their address, what about your recent SatNav history? Any recent trips near hotels?

clint_S

catkins wrote: »

Lots of people work with people that they are friends with on social media.

Most of the people I work with are friends on facebook and seem to speak to each other on there fairly often

Completely agree with this. Most of the people my wife speaks to on facebook are her male work colleagues. You spend more time with these people than anyone else so why would you ignore them when you leave the office?

clint_S

Dird wrote: »

Reminds me of OPs OH: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2g5Hz17C4is

Obvious questions:
- How did her OH find your address? Maybe it was in their car's recent SatNav history. If not, why would she tell him your address if he wasn't guilty of fertilising this woman? (someone else already asked here)
- Your OH claims not to know their address, what about your recent SatNav history? Any recent trips near hotels?

He knows his name, town he lives\works in and where he works. It's really not that hard to find out where someone lives if you have that information, even easier if they are on social media.

Dird

clint_S wrote: »

He knows his name, town he lives\works in and where he works. It's really not that hard to find out where someone lives if you have that information, even easier if they are on social media.

1. How would he know his full name? Why would she need to tell her husband that other than infidelity?
2. How? With full name you can find town/workplace from Facebook/LinkedIn but not home address. It'd be a bit strange to follow someone home from work (and lucky not to have lost him in traffic) but then not approach him until the next morning

Mojisola

Dird wrote: »

2. How? With full name you can find town/workplace from Facebook/LinkedIn but not home address.

Addresses are on the electoral roll.

Thinkthin

Guest101 wrote: »

You come across as incredibly controlling and totally untrusting. What you describe is nothing serious.

Utter rubbish....there is NO REASON for anyone in a relationship to keep anything a secret. If there is then it's a secret for a reason. If he had nothing to hide then why not be upfront to start with.

I'm guessing that (as my soon to be ex partner does) he will turn the tables and make out that you are the one putting 2 and 2 together and getting 5....its a tactic that is used by liars to make you look like the guilty one.

MilkNoSugar

Pollycat wrote: »

Oh-oh!
Does that mean he lied when he told you he hadn't had any contact with her for a year?

Pity you demanded he come home to explain himself, you've probably forewarned him.

He had contact in the month he admitted to me yesterday. I was struck by the number of text messages. He says he was trying to get her to see sense (again) since she had reached out for advice, that the husband wasn't going to change. On reflection he thinks she's a bit of a drama queen, who knew he'd been willing to listen to her before, and wanted to do so again. he says he got exasperated by her after their exchange of messages, because he could see that by having this affair she had a way out, but she seemed to think it was still impossible to leave.

He got out of work for about an hour and a half, before he had to go back again. They are obviously unaware of what is going on, and he doesn't want them to know. Tough! if I could I'd like to go in there all guns blazing, although it would just make him look justified if I were to be a maniac. I'm just not like that, but sitting here crying isn't attractive either.

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I am with you on this one.

Do not believe a word of it.

I wish with all my heart this was a made up story. I cannot believe that this is happening to me and the relationship I thought we had is gone.

Dird wrote: »

Obvious questions:
- How did her OH find your address? Maybe it was in their car's recent SatNav history. If not, why would she tell him your address if he wasn't guilty of fertilising this woman? (someone else already asked here)
- Your OH claims not to know their address, what about your recent SatNav history? Any recent trips near hotels?

We don't have a satnav, I use my phone whenever we go out. We live in a small town/semi-rural area, so the chances of needing it are remote. A lot of people have lived here all their lives, so know places well. The new housing development is the only bit that I'd be unable to find without checking google maps first.

Last Update : He came home, this development has floored me, which is why I don't think I'm going to post again. I've got my answers. I am not happy, but I do need to figure out what I should do next. He has admitted to texting work colleagues in work, which he says has been 'banter', and along the lines of 'do you want a cuppa?', 'are you going to get your lazy !!!! up on our floor some time today', responding with something like 'beggar off, I'm drinking my tea', etc. Whether I believe him is debatable. He knew that by doing so those involved may feel more special, or be over stepping boundaries as just work mates. He said he enjoyed the banter, and it made work funny when it can be stressful and mundane. Whilst the messages may have been innocent enough, I find this a betrayal. He admits he knew I would see it this way, and admits he enjoyed the extra attention. He said he had been slowly stopping the messaging, which he said the phone history would prove. It does, but perhaps it's because he was getting bored and needed someone new to appear on the scene. He has said it was never anything other than that, never a question of getting personal. The fact he has admitted that it made him feel good is worrying. He is clearly lacking something, and that has to be something I don't have. When I questioned what this is, he says he wasn't really sure himself. His previous relationships have all ended with his partner's being unfaithful, but he's just not sure why he's done this. Maybe because he's a vain b@stard who needed others to make him feel like he was gods gift perhaps?

He was reluctant to explain any deeper reasons for it, because he said saying anything negative about me, or how I am in our relationship, even if he felt it was a cause or trigger, was unfair, because this was all his fault. When pushed he said he felt that I had changed by putting on weight and not seeming to be doing anything about it (while he feels I expect him to stay trim & fit), I hold back emotionally in our relationship, I can be difficult to live with and like things my own way, living and dealing with step-children over the years has been stressful, and he enjoyed the escape/fun and light heartedness. It smacks of 'my OH doesn't understand me' cliche. I have pointed out that by offering undying love, commitment and trust over all these years seems to have not counted one jot, for the sake of some 'banter'. !!!!!!! how can this actually be what a grown man would do?

He's asked what I want him to do to make it right. Unfortunately he doesn't have a time machine. I have pointed out that this isn't my mess to sort out or put right. How do you put right the fact you've been enjoying contact with other women? How could I ever trust him again? How do I know he won't do it again or won't try something else instead? Obviously he would never have told me if I'd not started looking at the phone bills, and he'd have just either carried on, or even if as he says it would have continued to stop as the bills show, and it would have been something in the past.

He has said he will look for a job elsewhere, and will do whatever it takes to keep me. A bit too late in the day for that kind of gesture. I am reeling from this. I am furious. I do not know where to begin to see a way forward. And I thought 2016 had been a bit rubbish up til now.

Right, well I am sure you lot are all absolutely riveted by my fantasy life (oh that it were). I'm signing off now

Guest101

Thinkthin wrote: »

Utter rubbish....there is NO REASON for anyone in a relationship to keep anything a secret. If there is then it's a secret for a reason. If he had nothing to hide then why not be upfront to start with.

I'm guessing that (as my soon to be ex partner does) he will turn the tables and make out that you are the one putting 2 and 2 together and getting 5....its a tactic that is used by liars to make you look like the guilty one.

Upfront about what? It's not even worth mentioning.


He's helped a colleague with some advice. It might warrant a 'such a shame my colleague is going through this' and that's it. No-one needs to account for every second of their time away from home.


- soon to be ex - says it all really.