Paying the bill when dating

zagfles

burnoutbabe wrote: »

Its online dating, if the rule was "the asker must pay" well then no one would suggest a meet up would they?

Just go for drinks and you buy a round and then its their turn. If i was out with anyone and they refused to buy the 2nd round (drinks/coffee) after i got the first one, it would just be so rude. Its the same as people not buying rounds in the pub when its their turn.

I don't ever remember a date of mine not standing their round in a pub, what I do remember a lot, is her giving me the money and asking me to go to the bar!

zagfles

ripplyuk wrote: »

OP, I'd say not to go by this advice, or you'll be discounting a lot of potentially lovely partners. Plenty of women see a man's generosity at the beginning of a relationship as a sign of whether they really are interested in them or not.

Maybe some men see a woman's generosity at the beginning of a relationship as a sign of whether they really are interested in them or not!

It doesn't mean they're going to take advantage financially later. Quibbling over the price of a cup of coffee would be offputting to say the least.

Indeed, she should just pay for both. Be assertive, first to the till, instead of following meekly behind him

#21st century

Seriously though, the main issue is, like in any situation where someone pays for someone else, it creates a sense of obligation on the recipient to return the favour in one way or another (unless you're a sponger), and in the payer a sense of "they owe me something". That's not really healthy in the early stages of a relationship.

FatVonD

Jamiehelsinki wrote: »

I also asked if the woman was not as her profile suggested, would it be okay not to offer to pay for her?

Yes, I think so, if you have been misled then you shouldn't feel any obligation to pay for them.

Kim_kim

zagfles wrote: »

Seriously? You pay someone to check your tyre pressures every month? Or do you really think they only need checking once a year on an annual service :eek:

Annual service........

Person_one

burnoutbabe wrote: »

Its online dating, if the rule was "the asker must pay" well then no one would suggest a meet up would they?

Of course they would! Not everybody is as stingy as the average MSE member.

Whoever asks pays, gets rid of any awkwardness about having to reveal your financial situation before you've even met in order to agree on a place you can both afford.

If there is to be a second date, whoever didn't pay for the first one should do the inviting. Then it goes in turns until you either get sick of each other (most likely) or fall madly in love and get a joint account (rarer, but does happen I believe!)

System

Haven;t been on many dates tbh, but the first "date" (if you can call going to a shopping center and having McDonalds a date :rotfl: )with the now bf, he offered to pay but i wanted to split it. The few times we went out after that we took it in turns to pay. And now nearly 2 years on generally if we have a takeaway we take it in turns. Sometimes i let him pay when he treats me to a day out (and vice versa when i take him for a day out). I wouldn;t feel comfortable letting a guy always pay, and even if i let them on the first date id expect i'd off to pay the next time or split it equally.

And i dont think its a bad reflection on him for accepting to split it on the first date. As it happens he has bailed me out on several occasions since then, he sees his money as our money and will never refuse to help me out if i need it. Though i do insist on paying him back when i can afford it.

Gavin83

Lily-Rose wrote: »

This ^ I would agree that one of the most offputting things about a man (when I first meet him) would be stinginess. I don't expect a man to pay for everything indefinitely, and I would certainly be sharing long term, but if he expected me to pay for my own meal when he had asked ME out, he wouldn't be getting a second date.

Call it sexist, double standards, whatever, I don't care, but when a man asks a woman on a date, he pays ... If she offers to pay half, very nice, but IMO he should not accept. The last thing I would want in a man is someone with short arms and deep pockets. If I was asked out and he made me pay for myself, he would not see me again.

Out of interest are you the type of girl who would never ask a man out on a date and are of the opinion it should always be the man asking the woman out?

Loz01

Lily-Rose wrote: »

And if she comes in from doing a bit of shopping, he informs her that he has done the hoovering and dusting, and tidied the kitchen cupboards. Like he has done her a favour. My hubby does this sometimes too. In fact, this does seem to be a 'man' thing! I can never figure out if they want compliments or a medal for it, or whether they are saying 'I've done it because YOU didn't do it.' Either way, why mention it?!

Anyway, going off topic here. My niece is literally having to educate her boyfriend to help him learn that housework and associated chores is NOT THE WOMAN'S RESPONSIBILITY. She works too, so why should it all be up to her?!

We know who to blame for that!!! Women who insist their daughters tidy up, learn to use the washing machine etc but the ones who still cook meals for 25+ year old sons, do their washing, iron their shirts, clean their bedrooms and generally treat them like incompetent 6 year olds when they try and do anything domestic.

Most blokes go from a Mum who has done everything for them straight to a girlfriend who they then assume will take over the role of cooking and cleaning and shopping etc.

I truly believe if people raised boys to be more independent then half these problems won't exist for the next generation.

justme111

zagfles wrote: »

Seriously though, the main issue is, like in any situation where someone pays for someone else, it creates a sense of obligation on the recipient to return the favour in one way or another (unless you're a sponger), and in the payer a sense of "they owe me something". That's not really healthy in the early stages of a relationship.

You forget that however equal they are not the same. Are pears and oranges equal? Yes they are but they are not the same! They taste differently and behave differently! There will be NO sense of entitlement u obligation because both will know that although they both enjoyed each other's company equally it is a man's virtue to be a provider and at this stage of a relationship to spread his plumage for female to see what he can offer. It has nothing to do with politics , it is biology and natural selection
I am sure you chosen your second half on a basis of how generous she was with her money paying for your dates , does work differently usually.

gettingready

jamiehelsinki wrote: »

I have a full head of hair cut every 2/3weeks, full set of white teeth, 30 inch waste

:eek::eek::eek:

oh dear, and you wonder why?

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: