Paying the bill when dating

WibblyGirly

When my boyfriend and I had our first date we took it in turns getting drinks at the bar. He was getting up for the 2nd round and I said I'd get it, equality and all that, and he cool with it. When we go out for meals/drinks now we still split it unless one of us is treating the other but not often.

zagfles

ripplyuk wrote: »

Perhaps Fitzmichael paid. He sounds like a gentleman.

But before he wrote "it seems strange that, if I ask someone out, she should share the costs." So I was interested in what happened when she asked him.

If he's 'out of the ark', then so am I, and I'm less than half his age.

Zagfles, it can be easy to forget that equality is about giving people freedom and choices,

Is it really? That's a strange definition. The freedom to discriminate for instance?

not trying to ridicule others who disagree with you.

I don't think the ark is ridiculous.

justme111

ripplyuk wrote: »

Perhaps Fitzmichael paid. He sounds like a gentleman.

If he's 'out of the ark', then so am I, and I'm less than half his age.

Zagfles, it can be easy to forget that equality is about giving people freedom and choices, not trying to ridicule others who disagree with you.

By Zagfles he is the apogee of human evolution and something is wrong because it used to happen in 50s. I think he is arguing for the sake of it , now he objects to people "discriminating " while choosing a partner :rotfl: and will argue that "from the ark", "meek", "boring" were complinents. I suppose it is up to readers of the topic to decide .
On the topic - I think the majority agree that a woman should be ready to pay for her part of the fisrt date and a man should not make a point of everything being split in the middle as both entitled women and stingy men with ideological agenda are offputting.

zagfles

justme111 wrote: »

By Zagfles he is the apogee of human evolution and something is wrong because it used to happen in 50s. I think he is arguing for the sake of it , now he objects to people "discriminating " while choosing a partner :rotfl:

What I said was that equality and freedom to choose are not the same thing. They might both be desirable, but they are completely separate concepts, which is why I took the p out of that suggestion with "freedom to discriminate for instance?" You were whooshed again.

and will argue that "from the ark", "meek", "boring" were complinents. I suppose it is up to readers of the topic to decide .

They're called "opinions". What opinions do some women have of men who expect them to do the housework? Hang on, I asked that before and you didn't answer, so why am I wasting my time asking you again? Hint - they're quite often a lot stronger.

On the topic - I think the majority agree that a woman should be ready to pay for her part of the fisrt date and a man should not make a point of everything being split in the middle as both entitled women and stingy men with ideological agenda are offputting.

Ooohhh how dare you use a "derogatory" term like "stingy" after criticising me for using "derogatory" terms? Such hyprocrisy

However I must agree, "stingy" people who don't pay their way are indeed very offputting.

And don't forget about the women here who posted about being put off by a man wanting to pay. Men "out of the ark" are just as offputting as women "out of the ark" it seems!

But don't worry, the ark is quite big. You'll find someone else who came out of it, if that's what you want

I must say this thread has been great fun, but I think it's run its course now. I'll be unsubscribing. Ta ta and good luck finding someone compatible if you haven't already

Kirri

I met a guy just for a coffee and it was me who travelled to meet him (i.e. paid for travel) and I did find it off putting that he didn't even offer to get the coffee. He wanted to meet again but I ended up saying no.

Fitzmichael

In answer to zagfles 8:09pm - Yes but who paid for the date?

I did; I'm sure the women readers will have guessed that. If any of them are still reading, they'll probably like the story (and maybe confirm my theorising), so:
I had plans for going overseas, so wasn't looking for a 'relationship' and didn't date anyone, just 'chased' two or three of the 'girls' teasingly and they responded similarly. I didn't do so with Hilary, though I was friends with her, because I thought she might not like it, as she was quiet and 'nice' (whose positive meaning may pass by those under 60), but I spent time with her because she was desirable in her looks and personality. I was standing after lectures, as I did most days at that time, with a few fellow-students, at the top of the stairwell, opposite the doors into the college library, before going in there to study till it closed at 9. On the other side of the stairs was a 'broom cupboard' which was a telephone kiosk (pennies in the slot, remember, anyone?)
It rang and I went to answer, guessing I'd be asked to check if someone was there but it was Hilary, for me. There was the latest big film (no idea what) on that week in one of the big cinemas; would I like to go/come? Have you ever been in an accident or similar which happened in 2 secs and seemed to last (and certainly took to recount) as many or more minutes? That was my thought process.
Why didn't she ask me here, when we were together earlier? Because she thought I might say no and she would be embarrassed. How could I ever embarrass lovely Hilary? So I must say Yes. I doubt if I even considered whether the film interested me. I (thought I?) knew she would be hurt if I said No, and would feel awkward next time we met. Something in me said I must never do that to a woman (even if she might be said to 'deserve it'), because they were more vulnerable than men were (?). I bought the tickets, took her to the cinema, put my arm round her shoulders for the duration and she laid her head on my shoulder/chest (Any mums reading this? You know how you feel when your toddler does that when you pick him/her up? Better than sex?). At the end of the term, we went our separate ways. If it had happened five years later, I'd have asked her to marry me.