Paying the bill when dating

justme111

Now you sound better. You make a point of your preferences being just that - personal preferences and not the right way. Although you still manage to use some negative words describing women that think differently and men that like those women.
Methink you protest too much - any idea why ? May be neighbour females taken on to asking you to help to find stopcock or move the sofa

zagfles

justme111 wrote: »

Now you sound better. You make a point of your preferences being just that - personal preferences and not the right way.

Err...that's what's I've been saying all along. Whereas others seem to be telling the OP he's expected to pay and "a man who doesn't pay won't get a second date with me" etc as if it's his loss :rotfl:

Although you still manage to use some negative words describing women that think differently and men that like those women.

Mainly repeating words used by others. How are men who expect the women to do all the housework etc usually described? Maybe I should use that sort of language?

Methink you protest too much - any idea why ? May be neighbour females taken on to asking you to help to find stopcock or move the sofa

No that neighbour moved a long time ago. Now got a (female) property developer next door and we're always asking her for DIY tips

justme111

No it was not what you were saying all along. You were saying that men and women are equal hence should pay equally and all who disagreed were described by derisory language. When I pointed that men and women are not the same and that equal does not mean the same you reverted to stating :" It is my opinion and it worked for me". Then somehow made a conclusion that women who expect a man to pay/offer to pay for a date are meek , boring, passive in life and their men expect them to do housework and not talk.
One could apply similar guesswork and say that women who make a point of paying for everything are insecure ones who do not feel comfortable saying "no" and try to protect themselves from situations where they would feel obliged. That they are of not particularly high opinion of themselves and think that their company alone or a chance to woo them is not worse to a man £10 for her two drinks. The ones that feel the need to try and prove to the world they are independent. Note that in my description I did not use any put down like "meek" or "boring" unlike you. Still I am sure many women who make a point of splitting equally would feel offended by the above description and although truth in many cases it would been way off mark in many others. So I used it just an example .But why do you you think you are right in making more offensive and sweeping assumptions about ones who expect a man to pay ? If in your experience ones that expected man to pay happened to be boring golddiggers in your opinion it does not mean those are the only ones existing; it means those are ones that were in your circle.
I think I said all I could on this topic , have a nice weekend

mgdavid

justme111 - is this the five minute argument or have you paid for the full half-hour?
!!!!!!

mariposa687

I'd like a man to offer to pay on the first date but I don't expect it. Then again, I am very self-sufficient & don't expect a lot from other people. I've got my own money I don't need people to pay for me. It's not a deal breaker for me if they don't & want to go halves.

I haven't read the whole thread but from my experience there are also men out there who will happily let their girlfriend pay for things. I could write the book on that one!

zagfles

justme111 wrote: »

No it was not what you were saying all along.

Err... yes it is. Try reading the thread. I've said all along you can use this issue to eliminate people who have a different view.

You were saying that men and women are equal hence should pay equally and all who disagreed were described by derisory language.

Quite common, you know. Ever heard derisory language used about men who think women should stay in the kitchen?

When I pointed that men and women are not the same and that equal does not mean the same you reverted to stating :" It is my opinion and it worked for me".

Well obviously it's an opinion. What else could it possibly be? It's an opinion that equality is good, it's not a fact.

Then somehow made a conclusion that women who expect a man to pay/offer to pay for a date are meek , boring, passive in life and their men expect them to do housework and not talk.

That's my experience. People who like a particular gender related behaviour, like the man paying, tend to like other stereotypical gender behaviours. And those who want to man to pay but then object to other stereotypical gender behaviours are hypocrites. PS that was an opinion.

One could apply similar guesswork and say that women who make a point of paying for everything are insecure ones who do not feel comfortable saying "no" and try to protect themselves from situations where they would feel obliged. That they are of not particularly high opinion of themselves and think that their company alone or a chance to woo them is not worse to a man £10 for her two drinks. The ones that feel the need to try and prove to the world they are independent. Note that in my description I did not use any put down like "meek" or "boring" unlike you.

Just "insecure". Maybe men who insist on paying are "insecure".

Still I am sure many women who make a point of splitting equally would feel offended by the above description and although truth in many cases it would been way off mark in many others. So I used it just an example .But why do you you think you are right in making more offensive and sweeping assumptions about ones who expect a man to pay ? If in your experience ones that expected man to pay happened to be boring golddiggers in your opinion it does not mean those are the only ones existing; it means those are ones that were in your circle.

That's the basis on which most people post. Their experience.

I think I said all I could on this topic , have a nice weekend

You too. My wife is taking me out for a meal

gunsandbanjos

I have online dated (I'm female) and always offered to at least pay half if not the whole thing. I don't understand why the man should automatically pay?

chucknorris

zagfles wrote: »

:T Exactly! My wife could have written that!

The moral is right too - don't act in the way you think others want you to act, act in the way you think is right and you'll eliminate early on people you aren't compatible with.

I haven't read the whole thread but I think I'd probably agree with most (if not all) what you have posted on this thread. When I was single, I would probably never had suggested that she should pay or contribute (I would consider that a bit rude), but I would certainly be monitoring it, and after a couple of (maybe 3 at a push) dates, if no offer was made that would probably be it, she would have gone down in my estimations.

justme111

chucknorris wrote: »

I would certainly be monitoring it, and after a couple of (maybe 3 at a push) dates, if no offer was made that would probably be it, she would have gone down in my estimations.

Certainly.
Zagfles was saying though that as men and women are equal they should pay equally on a first date and did not see anything offputting in a man making a point about it while using derogatory adjectives to describe ones who disagreed
While I would not have automatically discarded a man who made it clear I should pay for my half of a first date if I liked him otherwise it would have been offputting and a sign of possibly a big chip on his shoulder. Ah well we all have some downsides

zagfles

chucknorris wrote: »

I haven't read the whole thread but I think I'd probably agree with most (if not all) what you have posted on this thread.

Why, thank you!

When I was single, I would probably never had suggested that she should pay or contribute (I would consider that a bit rude),

I would consider it very rude of her if she assumed you'd pay!

but I would certainly be monitoring it, and after a couple of (maybe 3 at a push) dates, if no offer was made that would probably be it, she would have gone down in my estimations.

TBH I don't ever remember it being an issue. Even the women I've dated who've wanted the man to make all the decisions etc didn't assume I'd be paying all the time.