Paying the bill when dating

System

Good job i'm married. I'm so out of touch with todays dating scene.

Online dating... never in a million years! :eek:

justme111

zagfles wrote: »

"Spread his plumage" :rotfl:Birds might do that, the brighly coloured male putting on an elaborate display for the drab boring female, but personally I'm not interested in drab boring females. We're a bit more evolved than birds, well some of us are anyway. Birds are the remnants of the dinosaurs, like some posters on this thread

And you zagfles are at the top of evolutionary tree:D
May be you evolved into not needing oxygen or may be women in your life pee while standing as a proof that men and women are equal.

zagfles

justme111 wrote: »

And you zagfles are at the top of evolutionary tree:D
May be you evolved into not needing oxygen or may be women in your life pee while standing as a proof that men and women are equal.

Ah yes, the clarion call of those who attempt to resist moves towards greater equality. Can't pee standing up? Then why do you think you can vote? Or pay for a meal? :rotfl:

zagfles

ripplyuk wrote: »

We might be more evolved, but those instincts are still there. I think it's natural for a man to want to display his ability to provide, to a potential partner. Paying on the first few dates is one way to do that.

We seem to have lost the peacock tail. Wonder why?

When I was dating, the only time I insisted on paying my half was when I really didn't like the guy, and knew I'd never go out with him again.

Must have been "mortifying" to do that

Hemera

I would expect the person who has invited the other / chosen the place to offer to pay the bill. However, the other should not be expecting it, and propose to split. How they negotiate from that point on, it's up to them :rotfl:

When there isn't a clear inviter and invitee, I like the man to offer to pay, but I always propose to split the bill. If he insists then I accept, but I will very likely pay for drinks after dinner, or offer to pay on the next date.

Frankly, if I'm asked out by a man I always assume that he is gonna offer to pay, so I let him chose the activity and venue (without putting forward any suggestion unless asked), so that he is more or less in control of the price. That doesn't mean that I won't offer to pay or worse go to the date without any money - doing so would be a huge red flag from a potential partner for me :eek:

My preference for a first date, especially with someone who you have never met in your life, would be something quick and cheap anyway: something like a coffee or a drink, so that there is no expectation that we will be sitting together for an entire night, and in case anything goes wrong one can make a quick escape after half an hour or so :rotfl:
And it also makes it very easy for the inviter to cover the entire bill

Lily-Rose_3

Hemera wrote: »

I would expect the person who has invited the other / chosen the place to offer to pay the bill. However, the other should not be expecting it, and propose to split. How they negotiate from that point on, it's up to them :rotfl:

When there isn't a clear inviter and invitee, I like the man to offer to pay, but I always propose to split the bill. If he insists then I accept, but I will very likely pay for drinks after dinner, or offer to pay on the next date.

Frankly, if I'm asked out by a man I always assume that he is gonna offer to pay, so I let him chose the activity and venue (without putting forward any suggestion unless asked), so that he is more or less in control of the price. That doesn't mean that I won't offer to pay or worse go to the date without any money - doing so would be a huge red flag from a potential partner for me :eek:

My preference for a first date, especially with someone who you have never met in your life, would be something quick and cheap anyway: something like a coffee or a drink, so that there is no expectation that we will be sitting together for an entire night, and in case anything goes wrong one can make a quick escape after half an hour or so :rotfl: And it also makes it very easy for the inviter to cover the entire bill

All of this. ^ :T:T

I would not be impressed if a man asked me on a date and expected me to pay for myself. I would not go on a second date with him. Then again, as you say, why not just go for a coffee, why go for a meal at an expensive restaurant, and then whinge that you've had to cough up a lot of dosh?

The man has only got himself to blame if he takes a woman somewhere that gives him no change out of £100, and she doesn't want to see him again. (Or the date doesn't go well.) I actually think it's most extraordinary actually, to go to a fancy, expensive restaurant the first time you go on a date with someone you have never met before.

Angry_Bear

AubreyMac wrote: »

However, a guy will go up in my estimation if he was a bit pushy and insistent that he will pay it all.

Lol, different strokes for different folks and all that. A guy insisting he pays makes me a bit uncomfortable, and doing it repeatedly (e.g. never letting me pay) would probably be a deal breaker for me .

I'd hate the notion that either a) he didn't think we were equals, or b) thought a woman should contribute in other ways (no, I don't JUST mean sex!).

ripplyuk wrote: »

Relationships can still be equal even if one partner pays more. It's not just about money.

Er, yes but isn't that rather the point? Why does the money part of the equation have to come from the man? I have a good job and a decent income, why should I have to feel like my "contribution" to a relationship has to be cooking, or cleaning, or child rearing or some other non-breadwinnery stuff?

Moral of the story, is do what suits you, and you'll be more likely to find someone with the same attitude to life

ripplyuk

zagfles wrote: »

Must have been "mortifying" to do that

Not for me. I didn't like him and there was no chance of any relationship developing so it would have felt like I was taking advantage if I'd let him pay it all.

HE was embarrassed though, and kept saying that he wanted to pay. If I'd liked him, I'd have let him, and I think he knew that.

zagfles

Angry_Bear wrote: »

Lol, different strokes for different folks and all that. A guy insisting he pays makes me a bit uncomfortable, and doing it repeatedly (e.g. never letting me pay) would probably be a deal breaker for me .

I'd hate the notion that either a) he didn't think we were equals, or b) thought a woman should contribute in other ways (no, I don't JUST mean sex!).

Er, yes but isn't that rather the point? Why does the money part of the equation have to come from the man? I have a good job and a decent income, why should I have to feel like my "contribution" to a relationship has to be cooking, or cleaning, or child rearing or some other non-breadwinnery stuff?

Moral of the story, is do what suits you, and you'll be more likely to find someone with the same attitude to life

:T Exactly! My wife could have written that!

The moral is right too - don't act in the way you think others want you to act, act in the way you think is right and you'll eliminate early on people you aren't compatible with.

zagfles

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I would not be impressed if a man asked me on a date and expected me to pay for myself. I would not go on a second date with him.

You write that as if he's lost out. No he hasn't. He's avoided wasting time on someone he's incompatible with.

Then again, as you say, why not just go for a coffee, why go for a meal at an expensive restaurant, and then whinge that you've had to cough up a lot of dosh?

Exactly. Though like someone said earlier it's sometimes the woman that suggests the destination and then expects the man to pay :eek:

The man has only got himself to blame if he takes a woman somewhere...

See that's another phrasing that you only seem to get with couples dating, not with other social meetings (except perhaps where one is doing the other a favour). If two friends decide to meet up, regardless of who suggested the meeting, you don't usually refer to one "taking" the other. I suggested to my friend we meet for a beer yesterday. I didn't "take" him. And he bought his round

Yet when it's coming up to our anniversary, you always get someone ask my wife "where's he taking you" or ask me "where are you taking her". Annoys both of us.