17 y/o girl and 29 y/o guy? should the guy know better?

susieq87

being 29 and thinking of my male friends who are the same age, if they told me they were thinking of dating a 17 year old i would be genuinely shocked. thinking back to when i was 17 i thought i was mature but i wasnt and i am finding it hard to think of what a 29 year old and a 17 year old have to talk about because the life experiences are totally different. one is talking about coursework and another mortgage and 9-5.

personally, it might be fun to flirt but i dont think a concrete relationship can come out of this. if she was 30 and you 42, i would better understand, same age difference but different levels of maturity.

DCFC79

Have you split from the girlfriend in the other thread ?

Should you not take a break from it ?

onomatopoeia99

The age of consent in this country is still 16, not 18. I know that the government and public sector are trying to make us look at teenagers more as children nowadays (see the requirement to stay in education or training to 18, when 30 years ago people would leave school at 16 and go straight into a full time job - I certainly could have done, but I wanted to do A levels)

Gaining the right to vote and to marry (without having to take a train to Gretna) in four months time won't change who she is, but bear in mind you should have already done a lot of maturing and she hasn't. She will grow and change as she comes to be financially independent through work, socially independent through living away from family, and so on, to the extent that if you are compatible now, she may in the end outgrow you.

For this reason, rather than any peculiar notions of propriety or "sin", I would advise caution to you and to anyone embarking on a relationship with someone where the difference in experience and maturity is considerable.

thorsoak

fitnessguy1 wrote: »

i should say "should I know better" because i am referring to myself. so lately i been a bit down. i met this girl couple days ago, innocent interaction and then she said out the blue "i like you, never had someone be interested in me and my life like you are" and for a moment i took a shine to her and got her number. we started texting and our chat was flirty, bit of banter and we spoke on the phone and continued the flirty banter.

at this point never knew her age, but then she texted me this morning and said "i need you to know i am 17 btw, do you mind this?" i said no, which looking back now i should not have said. i text her about an hour ago asking when she is 18, she replied 4 months.

how should i go about this situation? i know the age gap is large, but given her age it would be even more frowned upon. she is legal obviously, but not thinking about sex right now considering the circumstance. should i leave it be or try keep things going and see it goes, then when she turns 18 think more seriously about the friendship?

How mature are YOU? What life experience do you have? A career? A home of your own? Or a room in a shared house/with relatives?

What does this young lady do? Is she in education? What does she want to do with her life?

As a mother, I too would be unhappy about the age difference - because to me, you sound as immature as an immature teenager.

GlasweJen

I turned 30 this year and I am in contact with many 16 and 17 year olds through volunteering. I can't think of much we have in common at all. I feel ancient when dealing with this age group.

BrassicWoman

take her mum out for a cuppa and a chat?

sparkychris

BrassicWoman wrote: »

take her mum out for a cuppa and a chat?

Good idea. The mum might be of a more suitable age!

suejb2

Twelve years isn't too big a deal, but, its the twelve years that are involved which bother me.
No problem with a 59 year old man seeing a 47 year old woman nor do I see any fault wih a 49 year old man with a 37 year old woman even a 39 year old man and 27 year old woman.See where I'm headig?
But 29 and 17 a lot of growing up maturing and life skills gained in late teens to twenties.
I would have the same opinion of an older woman younger man set up as well.

Primrose

Not saying it's right or wrong but take your own misgivings as a guide. She's flattered and her self esteem is boosted by your possible interest so what few judgements she may possibly have been able to develop about the opposite sex at her age will be very flattering but possibly not based on sound judgement or past experience.

Do you have anything in common to suggest you could have a compatible relationship? Remember she still has a lot of emotional and intellectual growing up to do and which a longer term relationship might not be able to sustain. It,s not an insurmountable age difference if she were older and more mature and experienced in the ways of the world but at the moment she is extremely vulnerable and susceptible and that morally puts a lot of responsibility on you for her wellbeing. Are you up to that responsibility if you quickly tire of her and then want to dump her.


If you!re truly that keen, have the patience to ease back on any serious relationship at this point to give her time to grow a little and experience the world. Have you met her parents? What they think of it all might influence how things progress. Sounds old fashioned but if you're that keen, would you talk to them about their feelings on the issue?

It all sounds complicated. Possibly easier to find somebody nearer to your own age but if you really get on,maybe things, with time and patience, would work out. Just remember you're the "grown up" here. That puts an added responsibility on your shoulders if you're a decent sort of guy.

zagfles

thorsoak wrote: »

How mature are YOU? What life experience do you have? A career? A home of your own? Or a room in a shared house/with relatives?

What does this young lady do? Is she in education? What does she want to do with her life?

As a mother, I too would be unhappy about the age difference - because to me, you sound as immature as an immature teenager.

Then they're well matched, aren't they! Why would you feel any happier if she had an immature 17 year old bf?

My 18 yo daughter has a bf of 25 and I'm not worried at all - they are very happy together, they have similar outlooks and interests, they are very committed to each other, they've made plans for next year, only slight worry I have is that he looks after her a bit too much at a time (starting uni) when she needs to learn to be independant - he works near where she goes to uni - conveniently!

But I'd much rather have that than some 18 yo she met when drunk in a nightclub who has nothing in common with her and only intereted in one thing. Age gap is a minor issue.