17 y/o girl and 29 y/o guy? should the guy know better?

wishus

We've probably lost Fitnessguy ages back... I'd like to say well done for considering that you may have qualms, and that the age gap mentioned is a likely contributor to those feelings. Go with your gut.

As other people have said, such an age gap may not have got in the way of their relationships. 20, 30 years ago, people expected different things and it was fine to be settled younger. But in 2017, 17 is so, so young.

I would intuit from the things that your young friend has told you that she has not been in a relationship before, which means she may have what I call 'validation expectations'. I was 17 too when I had my first boyfriend and cringe at memories of inappropriate PDAs in college, but we acted like that because we subconsciously wanted that validation at a public level, as well as the private validation of having someone interested in us. That's like a drug, that. The bad news is, as me and boyf 1 discovered, is we were settling for each other as reciprocal objets de d!sir due to our lack of other opportunity. The feelings did not last. You may be feeling reactive to her feelings too, so double caution.

Some people find their true loves as teenagers and stay together forever, but I don't think she's really found her prince with you, unfortunately. I think she is mildly stretching the truth about herself to maximise her appeal to you. She probably helps her mum, but that can't be a full time job, she must be in education or training. She's vegan, but wants to sound flexible about it because you've teased her. Don't break her heart by leading her away from her own path of discovery about herself.

Is she a child or nearly adult? Well... we are diverse in this respect as humans, and our maturation is as protracted as it is varied. Laws are there to protect children, and I've always thought it odd that we allow teens to explore the world of relationships a bit earlier than those other markers of adulthood. Legally 17 year olds are not children, but they are required to wait until 18 to marry without consent or swap naughty photos. So no snapchatting, Mr. All I can advise you in this regard is extrapolated from my own experience: At 17, I was 2cm shorter. I hadn't finished growing. Also, I was a strict veggie, and thought the polar opposite of the way I do now about many things.

Also, we had a 30-year old hanging round us. He had a sports car. A friend of mine went out with him when she was 16 and there was little we could do at the time to convince her he was dodge. He 'pretend' married another friend at 18 so she could get into an all-male club she wanted access to. If I could go back now and tell their dads, I would. I'm sure you are much better than that horrible slimeball.

Good luck!

Spendless

missbiggles1 wrote: »

For someone in their late 20s, I'm sure you're right - for someone in their mid teens, I don't think you are. (Which is, of course, the point of the discussion.)

I'm unsure whether the 'mid-teen' refers to the (hypothetical) 15yo or 17yo. I think you mean the 15yo in which case I agree with your above comments and why the age of consent comes into it when dating someone older. A 17yo is much of a more grey area.

I still believe this is a 'modern times' dilemma. I remembered today that my Grandmother married at 18, my Grandad was 24 at the time. Ok not quite as large as the age gap mentioned, but still a teenager under the legal age to marry without parental consent (it was 21 at the time) and a man in his 20s.

missbiggles1

Spendless wrote: »

I'm unsure whether the 'mid-teen' refers to the (hypothetical) 15yo or 17yo. I think you mean the 15yo in which case I agree with your above comments and why the age of consent comes into it when dating someone older. A 17yo is much of a more grey area.

I still believe this is a 'modern times' dilemma. I remembered today that my Grandmother married at 18, my Grandad was 24 at the time. Ok not quite as large as the age gap mentioned, but still a teenager under the legal age to marry without parental consent (it was 21 at the time) and a man in his 20s.

When your grandmother married at 18, she'd probably been at work for 5 years, not still in education. Don't you think that makes a difference?

onomatopoeia99

wishus wrote: »

Legally 17 year olds are not children, but they are required to wait until 18 to marry without consent or swap naughty photos.

Or they can marry at 16 without consent, if they can afford to buy a train ticket to Gretna. There are no border guards turning away eloping teenagers at Carlisle.

onomatopoeia99

missbiggles1 wrote: »

When your grandmother married at 18, she'd probably been at work for 5 years, not still in education. Don't you think that makes a difference?

Not my grandmother (who married between the wars at 25), but I don't. The average age of the onset of puberty is broadly similar nowadays as two generations ago. Physical maturity dictates when young adults will want to have sex and form relationships, not whether or not they are in education or employment.

Spendless

missbiggles1 wrote: »

When your grandmother married at 18, she'd probably been at work for 5 years, not still in education. Don't you think that makes a difference?

She hadn't. Started working Sept 1939 as couldn't return to school in London due to WW2 breaking out, married Jan 1943. So 3.25-3.5 years from leaving education to marrying. Not entirely sure why that would make a difference though?

just_trying

missbiggles1 wrote: »

As has been said several times already, the effect of age gaps largely depends on the ages of the people involved. A 12 year age gap would be largely irrelevant for 2 people in their 30s/40/etc - when one of them is in their mid teens and the other's nearly 30, it does.

Late reply but hey ho, as someone said I was 18 my partner was early 30. Person didn't know it was me.

Why does it make a difference, we've got 3 children, stayed faithful and are happy. So it does work. We've been together over 18 years.

There's plenty of people with same age relationships who fail, one partner being younger means nothing, if you're happy.

Matters to you !.

annandale

It matters to some people and not others

As long as you are happy who cares, it's your relationship, not anyone elses on these boards

I've always dated people close to my age, doesn't mean the relationships were happy

You do what makes you happy. Life is short enough and tough enough at times