17 y/o girl and 29 y/o guy? should the guy know better?

happyandcontented

Guest101 wrote: »

So you and your SO have equal salaries, equal chore share, equal free time, equal goals, etc?

Fairness and equality are two different things in my book, and really you want fairness in a partner.

Those things are things that could be the same or different, they do not/should not affect the overall "equality" of a relationship. That is, both have equal input into decisions and their opinions carry the same weight.

missbiggles1

AnnieO1234 wrote: »

That depends on your definition of equal though surely? Equal could be the same goals, the same perspectives, the same intellect - any or all of those things.

Equal doesn't mean the same.

Guest101

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Equal doesn't mean the same.

Go to google.co.uk

Type in 'definition of equal', hit return....

missbiggles1

Guest101 wrote: »

So you and your SO have equal salaries, equal chore share, equal free time, equal goals, etc?

Fairness and equality are two different things in my book, and really you want fairness in a partner.

Not any more - he's dead.:(

Before that yes, pretty much. (Although, as I just posted, equal doesn't mean the same.)

Guest101

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Not any more - he's dead.:(

Before that yes, pretty much. (Although, as I just posted, equal doesn't mean the same.)

My condolences.

I think though that you are aware most relationships are not like that, but they still work.

missbiggles1

Guest101 wrote: »

Go to google.co.uk

Type in 'definition of equal', hit return....

So, by your definition, "equality" means "sameness".

Guest101

missbiggles1 wrote: »

So, by your definition, "equality" means "sameness".

It's not my definition, it's the recognised definition by the English language

Robisere

What has not been recognised here, is the OP's realistic and honest attitude to the situation. He accepts that most parents here are uneasy (some horrified) about a 29 yo man having a relationship with a 17 yo girl. But he has been at pains to point out how uneasy he is himself about it. If that was my daughter (and my dd is in her 40's now) I would definitely be uneasy, but I think he knows that he is on dangerous ground.

The subject of 'maturity' has nothing to do with age. I have a son and a daughter and each of them also has a son and daughter, aged 11, 18, 20 and 22. I am in almost daily contact with all my grandchildren and I have been in conversation many times with their friends: young people are interesting to talk to and they somehow seem to like the idea of an oldphart listening to what they have to say. This has given me an opportunity to learn the differences between people of the same ages but different gender. Thinking about my ds and dd and all the younger people I know, then considering my own life experiences, I came to this conclusion: girls usually appear to become mature faster and earlier than boys. Not a hard and fast rule, but I would say that it is correct in most cases.

So it is perfectly possible that this young lady is as mature in her outlook as an immature, older man. Not that any of us here can know that for a fact, of course, but it is something to think about.

However, would I have wished my dd at 17, to be dated by a 29 yo man? Not on your life! And my dd was a very strong-minded girl, as demonstrated when I pulled her out of a night club at 15 in the company of a lad only a few years older, then grounded her for a week. I was Evil Dad for a while there, but she became a loving daughter in time. And now she has an 11 yo dd herself, I asked her the question posed by this thread: how would she feel if her own dd at 17, was seeing a 29 yo man? I would want to damge him, was the response. So, no matter how fair-minded we would or would not want to be, the fact is that, when it comes to our own children, we are defensive.

Lily-Rose_3

Upshot is (IMO) that 17 is waaaaaay too young to get serious in a relationship. At 17, you should be partying, doing A levels, backpacking around Europe with your mates in the holidays, applying for uni places, and pursuing various hobbies and extra curricular activities. No way should you be cavorting around with a 29 year old, and getting deeply involved; whether you're female OR male.

If this were a female 17 and a male 29, OR a male 17 and a female 29, I would be saying the same thing. Don't settle down at 17. So much more to do with your life!

System

Whilst legally there is nothing wrong with a 29 year old dating a 17 year old personally t gives me the creeps. Girls that age pretty much have zero life expereience and many wont even have been in a serious realtionship. I always think why can't a guy that age find a woman nearer his age? Like is there something wrong with him, why does he want to be with someone barely out of school? What on earth would you have in common? Your life experiences are so far apart. Most of the stuff you've done she won't have.My bf is 28 and if he started expressing an interest in 17 years olds i'd still find that weird and creepy. (Likewise if a i had a male friend who did that the same would apply). Morally it just doesn't sit well with me. _pale_