17 y/o girl and 29 y/o guy? should the guy know better?

missbiggles1

unholyangel wrote: »

imo, a person doesn't reach proper maturity until they're around 25 years old.

18 is still a teenager. Early 20's you still make mistakes etc as you don't have the life experience. But by 25, you're really not going to change majorly short of perhaps a mid life crisis.

I think you (OP) are kidding yourself that its all innocent else you wouldn't have been asking so quickly when her 18th is.

Like others, its not the age gap thats a problem imo, its just how young she is compared to how old you are.

Making mistakes isn't limited to under 25s and one would hope that change and growth goes on throughout your life. I'd hate to think I was still the same person I was at that age.

indiepanda

fitnessguy1 wrote: »

i dunno about it all. i may stay friends with her and see where it goes, but for now i am gonna take a step back. it's only been couple of days since i met her anyway, and because we go to the gym at similar times occasionally i don't want it to be awkward. i already promised her i would show her how to box, and that we can do padwork and workout together so she can get in shape faster.

i do worry about her falling for me though, not that it will happen, but she's already texting me a lot and reiterating how she likes talking to me and she likes that i want to know about her life. she's a sweet girl and we get on, it's just a shame about the age gap.

I think backing off is the right choice. I am not saying age gaps can't work, but that's a very large gap at that age and she sounds a bit vulnerable and as the adult you should take responsibility for not encouraging her.

Let's face it, imagine you were old enough to have a 17 year old daughter and she told you she was dating a 29 year old, you'd have misgivings.

I usually date younger guys but not only have I not had an age gap that large (eight years was my largest and I was in my late thirties then), but an age gap that seems ok to me now would definitely not have been ok when I was much younger. At 20 I dated an 18 year old for example and I didn't date anyone in their teens after that relationship.

Gavin83

ecgirl07 wrote: »

I would be very distrustful of any 17 year old telling me they were 17! I err on the side of them lying about that and presume under 16, especially if you thinking about dating and being more serious.

This happened to me. I was a lot younger than the OP at the time (around 19 I think) and started seeing a girl who told me she was 17. Turned out she was underage. Not really sure how you'd go about this as asking for ID is taking it a bit far but I'd be careful.

CruisingSaver wrote: »

As harsh as it may sound to you but no I wouldn't want to hear his side of the story. I don't think I could get past wondering why a grown adult of 29 would seek a relationship with a 17 year old child.

Other parents might have a different view but mine is very firmly that it's inappropriate.

Out of curiosity would you opinion change once she turns 18?

Loving the use of the emotive language to make your point though. :T

SnooksNJ wrote: »

Does she have a father because I can't imagine he will be pleased.

I don't think many fathers would be particularly pleased with the thought of their 17 year old daughter having sexual contact of any kind. What's the difference between this guy being 29 or 19 though? I get that there is a difference, I just don't really understand why.

indiepanda

Gavin83 wrote: »

I don't think many fathers would be particularly pleased with the thought of their 17 year old daughter having sexual contact of any kind. What's the difference between this guy being 29 or 19 though? I get that there is a difference, I just don't really understand why.

I think there's something about a much older guy with a young girl that makes you wonder if she is a bit star struck by him and at risk of being manipulated by him into something she isn't ready for. And perhaps also wondering why he isn't with someone closer to him in age and what it says about them.

CruisingSaver

Gavin83 wrote: »

Out of curiosity would you opinion change once she turns 18?

Loving the use of the emotive language to make your point though. :T

No her turning 18 wouldn't change my opinion. At 29 he's far too old for her. As others have said a 12 year age gap when they are both older would be less of an issue (30 years and 42 years for example). However, my daughter is still in compulsory full time education so there would be little that a 29 year old man would have in common with her.

I would hardly call using the legal term for their respective ages emotive! :rotfl:

Guest101

CruisingSaver wrote: »

No her turning 18 wouldn't change my opinion. At 29 he's far too old for her. As others have said a 12 year age gap when they are both older would be less of an issue (30 years and 42 years for example). However, my daughter is still in compulsory full time education so there would be little that a 29 year old man would have in common with her.

I would hardly call using the legal term for their respective ages emotive! :rotfl:

But she'd be an adult then, and surely able to make her own decisions?


I mean it's quite worrying that you've raised a child for 17 years and they aren't in a position to make a rational decision for themselves? - cotton wool must cost a lot at your house!


Regardless in law there's nothing wrong with it. So it's based purely on morality and I don't see it as a problem.

missbiggles1

Guest101 wrote: »

But she'd be an adult then, and surely able to make her own decisions?


I mean it's quite worrying that you've raised a child for 17 years and they aren't in a position to make a rational decision for themselves? - cotton wool must cost a lot at your house!


Regardless in law there's nothing wrong with it. So it's based purely on morality and I don't see it as a problem.

I think you may not be a parent.

Guest101

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I think you may not be a parent.

I think you'd be wrong


What difference does it make? So it's ok for her to sleep with another 17 year old, but not 29?


I mean that is what we're alluding to really as it's just about age.


How many 17 year old lads do you know? Drinking in a park? Drugs? Yep that's a great choice


Or a 29 year old who's hopefully got his head screwed on?

unholyangel

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Making mistakes isn't limited to under 25s and one would hope that change and growth goes on throughout your life. I'd hate to think I was still the same person I was at that age.

I didn't say it was, I said when you're under 25 you'll still make mistakes etc due to not having life experience - but when you're over 25, you tend to make mistakes despite knowing its probably a bad idea, while under 25 you really dont have any life experience to tell you otherwise. Younger people in general tend to be incredibly naive, even if they're mature and intelligent.

Guest101 wrote: »

But she'd be an adult then, and surely able to make her own decisions?


I mean it's quite worrying that you've raised a child for 17 years and they aren't in a position to make a rational decision for themselves? - cotton wool must cost a lot at your house!


Regardless in law there's nothing wrong with it. So it's based purely on morality and I don't see it as a problem.

Up until relatively recently, there was nothing wrong (in law) with a husband raping his wife - in fact it wasn't even rape, it was his right. Perhaps one of the more extreme examples but just saying that living your life by the letter of the law is a bit of a cop out and that even if something isn't illegal, that doesn't mean its okay to do.

Guest101

unholyangel wrote: »

I didn't say it was, I said when you're under 25 you'll still make mistakes etc due to not having life experience - but when you're over 25, you tend to make mistakes despite knowing its probably a bad idea, while under 25 you really dont have any life experience to tell you otherwise. Younger people in general tend to be incredibly naive, even if they're mature and intelligent.



Up until relatively recently, there was nothing wrong (in law) with a husband raping his wife - I think that depends on your definition of 'recent' - in fact it wasn't even rape, it was his right - indeed, and now the law has changed, that's the benefit of the system . Perhaps one of the more extreme examples but just saying that living your life by the letter of the law is a bit of a cop out - only morally, which i said.... and that even if something isn't illegal, that doesn't mean its okay to do.

Actually by definition if something is legal, it is 'ok' otherwise it would be illegal. Just your moral compass points differently to mine.