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  • Thank you to those that got it!

    I am bowing out of this whole thread for a January opt out
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 35,782 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Savvy Shopper!
    Thank you to those that got it!

    I am bowing out of this whole thread for a January opt out
    Got what?

    I'm even more confused now. :(
  • mumps
    mumps Posts: 6,285 Forumite
    Home Insurance Hacker!
    Thank you to those that got it!

    I am bowing out of this whole thread for a January opt out

    Good idea. I'm thinking of opting out of internet for January. It seems to waste so much of my life, realistically I suppose I can't entirely because of banking, e mails etc. Maybe I should set a reasonable amount like 15 minutes maximum each day?
    Sell £1500

    2831.00/£1500
  • irishjohn
    irishjohn Posts: 1,349 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    mumps wrote: »
    Good idea. I'm thinking of opting out of internet for January. It seems to waste so much of my life, realistically I suppose I can't entirely because of banking, e mails etc. Maybe I should set a reasonable amount like 15 minutes maximum each day?

    I think there are many on these forums who pop in to read, and sometimes respond if they feel they can add value to a discussion.

    I don't often have much to say but I know for sure I could not consider it a waste of my life, I have encountered some great experiences and support from it.

    This internet thingy has given us another realm of friendship and support and I could never consider opting out of friendships I value for a month. I guess the Internet and MSE Forums are too relevant for me in my life at the moment.
    John
  • elona
    elona Posts: 11,806 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Very well put and I wish I could thank it more more than once.
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
  • mumps
    mumps Posts: 6,285 Forumite
    Home Insurance Hacker!
    irishjohn wrote: »
    I think there are many on these forums who pop in to read, and sometimes respond if they feel they can add value to a discussion.

    I don't often have much to say but I know for sure I could not consider it a waste of my life, I have encountered some great experiences and support from it.

    This internet thingy has given us another realm of friendship and support and I could never consider opting out of friendships I value for a month. I guess the Internet and MSE Forums are too relevant for me in my life at the moment.

    I didn't suggest you should opt out. I have a busy life and lots of commitments and I find I can waste alot of time on the internet, not just on here but other sites as well.

    There are some very nice supportive people on here but it isn't always like that. You know that I have suffered from attacks on that other thread. Do you remember back in March when I was waiting to go into hospital for cancer treatment as I have a genetic link to certain cancers? A certain bully on that thread assured me I didn't have cancer, she and another kept repeating that you can beat cancer with a positive attitude, which is rubbish and dangerous rubbish at that. I think all the posts were removed precisely because it was dangerous.

    You have to be very careful about what you read on the internet, some people can be very convincing about their beliefs and it can be dangerous for the vulnerable.

    It is nice that you have found friendship but it isn't always sweetness and light. You have seen other people's reactions to the nastiness a few weeks ago when I was in a very difficult place with my problems. It was anything but positive.

    I am sticking to my 15 minutes a day and am going out now to a home where I do some volunteer work which is a lovely way to meet nice people.
    Sell £1500

    2831.00/£1500
  • lessonlearned
    lessonlearned Posts: 13,337 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker I've been Money Tipped!
    edited 3 January 2017 at 11:28AM
    irishjohn wrote: »
    I think there are many on these forums who pop in to read, and sometimes respond if they feel they can add value to a discussion.

    I don't often have much to say but I know for sure I could not consider it a waste of my life, I have encountered some great experiences and support from it.

    This internet thingy has given us another realm of friendship and support and I could never consider opting out of friendships I value for a month. I guess the Internet and MSE Forums are too relevant for me in my life at the moment.

    Well I didn't discover the "internet thingy" until I was well into my 50s so I came late to the party. I came to MSE after seeing Martin on breakfast TV and bought his money saving books. Then came to this website.

    What can I say......the blessed St Martin of MSE Saved my bacon at a time when I was looking after my seriously ill husband and receiving no help or support whatsoever. We were facing financial ruin but thanks to the advice and help I have received here I managed to avoid disaster.

    From this website......and a few other blogs I have discovered.....I have received an enormous amount of practical advice and emotional support. The last 11 years of my life have been difficult, illness, 3 deaths, financial worries but it is the internet which has guided me through it all. It is a fabulous resource.

    Through it I have made some very nice friends - Some of whom I now see in RL. I know people who have met their life's partners through the internet - not quite sure if I would be that brave.:rotfl:

    I should imagine that takes quite a leap of faith.

    Has anyone read a book called "Glimpses of heaven, Visions of Hell". It discusses the impact of the newer technogies such as the virtual reality, gaming and the internet. It discusses internet addiction in some detail.

    It was written before the advent of social media such as Facebook, twitter etc but it was remarkably prescient in its warnings about how our younger members of society and those who are emotionally vulnerable can get sucked into a virtual world to the detriment of their engagement with the real world.

    There have also been a few films which have explored these ideas too. All very interesting.

    The internet is no different from anything else invented by humans - it is merely a neutral tool. But like all tools......... gunpowder, robotics, or nuclear power the internet is a double edged sword which can be wielded for both good and evil.

    Anyway I would like to thank all those who have been so kind as to offer their condolences on the death my father. Although the day of his death itself was ok, his final hours being peaceful and painfree, the day before was truly horrendous. I have visions of that day seared into my brain. It's going to take some time for those pictures to fade.

    I haven't known quite where to post about this, he was my dad not my husband so I didn't want to clog up the widows/widowers thread.

    I think Kittie was right to try and set up an alternative thread where we could discuss things like hospital stays, care at home, palliative care etc.

    Yes maybe she could have worded it better but I don't think she has deserved the criticism she has received for suggesting it.

    We don't "do" death very well in this country. We shy away from the discussions about the dying process, we are, in the main, hopeless at palliative care and We seem to be both embarrassed by and misinformed about grief.

    What my father went through on his penultimate day on this earth has shaken me to the core. No one should suffer like that (don't worry I'm not going to share details).

    The internet seems to be the one place left that is not heavily censored and where people can have open and frank discussions about such important issues such as end of life care, euthanasia Etc.

    Any attempts to raise these issues in the mainstream media are met with howls of protest and it is virtually impossible to discuss these matters sensibly, hence we have reached an impasse.

    My late husbAnds GP was so right. A hospital is no place to die. My husband and my mother had wonderful palliative care in their respective nursing homes. My father was not so fortunate in the hospital.

    Our hospital is first class and his medical team were kind and supportive but like most hospitals it does not have enough Provision for end of life care.

    Anyway since his death I have struggled with delayed shock and have felt really ill. Today is the first day of normality after the holidays and I now have to contact the hospital to arrange for the medical certificate so I can then register his death and make funeral arrangements.

    That's what you get for being the practical sensible older sister. ;) my sister is just too distraught.

    Hopefully once I have overcome this last hurdle I will be done with sickness and death for a while and our family can begin to look forward to better times.

    To all those of you who have been so kind and supportive, a very big thank you. Your warmth and support has been a great help through some very trying times.
  • pollypenny
    pollypenny Posts: 29,433 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    What a lovely post, LL. At least your father is at peace now, in spite of the hospital.

    I share your anger. My experience with my father was the same, but that was in 2003. I had hoped that things had improved. I'd say that geriatric care itself has a long way to go, let alone preparing for death.

    Look after yourself, now. It's your turn. ( from another big sister)
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
  • irishjohn
    irishjohn Posts: 1,349 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    mumps wrote: »
    I didn't suggest you should opt out. I have a busy life and lots of commitments and I find I can waste alot of time on the internet, not just on here but other sites as well.



    I am sticking to my 15 minutes a day and am going out now to a home where I do some volunteer work which is a lovely way to meet nice people.

    That's true - you didn't suggest I should opt out. I wanted to contribute to this thread to explain why opting out even temporarily would not suit me as the site and the people I have encountered on here are of value to me. Just me illustrating how differently we all are in our use and participation of the site.

    What I have noticed is that sometimes what seems quite straightforward to one person can seem altogether different to another and this can often cause misunderstandings.

    Like some others on the thread I have found some folks' interpretations of what others have said to be rather OTT and are perhaps based on the emotional health of the reader at that time.

    I find the threads flow best when people read and absorb and don't react too quickly.
    John
  • lessonlearned
    lessonlearned Posts: 13,337 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker I've been Money Tipped!
    edited 3 January 2017 at 4:37PM
    Thanks Polly.......actually I don't feel anger as such, the hospital were and are excellent at what they do, which is......strive their utmost to get people well again.

    What I find dismaying is the refusal to ......how shall I put it........"give in gracefully and allow nature to take its course"

    Surely There comes a point when it becomes glaringly obvious that further interventions and agressive treatments are not merely pointless but downright cruel. My sons girlfriend is a nurse and she summed it up "you wouldn't put your dog through that"

    In case anyone misunderstands me I am not Suggesting euthanasia or "pulling a plug" but just questioning whether we have the right to keep a very sick and frail 90 year old man alive just for the sake of a few more days. There was never any shadow of a doubt that his diagnosis was terminal so why drag it out.

    I think sometimes we have to ask ourselves - just because we can, does it mean that we should?

    As I said before his medical team could not have done more, however, it might have been better if they had actually done slightly less. Had he been transferred to a hospice his end would have been managed better.
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