When you don`t want to spoil a dedicated thread

Newly_retired

Ok, here's a question I wouldn't dream of putting on Kittie's original thread.
How would you feel if your OH went off by himself to visit his family over the festive holiday period?

Pollycat

Newly Retired
I couldn't possibly answer your question without some context.

Did he ask you to go with him?

Did you want to go?

Do you get on with his family? (TBH, the last place I'd want to be at any time is with my OH's family :rotfl:)

What do you class as 'over the festive period'?

How long was he gone for/has he been gone for?

Have you been all alone or do you have your own family to visit?

JuneBow

PennyForThem wrote: »

Kittie - you did exactly that when I posted - so hypocritical rather fits the bill here.

Hypocritical doesn't even come close!

Kittie I know you must be very angry about what has happened to you. However, that is no excuse for the way you have treated other posters on that thread. For not talking about what you want to talk about. For not being a fully paid up member .........
Last year at this time you were looking for sympathy because someone sent you a Christmas card in the wrong colour envelope! Yet your comments to others have been inexcusable. You should hang your head in shame and look back at some of your posts and apologise individually. Of course you will do none of these things.
Darkness does not drive darkness out. Only light can do that.
No one has spoilt that thread except you.
There I have got that off my chest.
My own husband was admitted to hospital last night, so I too am feeling angry frightened and worried. So I hope I don't have to join your exclusive club that no one wants to join.

Newly_retired

Pollycat wrote: »

Newly Retired
I couldn't possibly answer your question without some context.

Did he ask you to go with him?

Did you want to go?

Do you get on with his family? (TBH, the last place I'd want to be at any time is with my OH's family :rotfl:)

What do you class as 'over the festive period'?

How long was he gone for/has he been gone for?

Have you been all alone or do you have your own family to visit?

The question is somewhat hypothetical, as the situation is one I accept, in part. No I was not invited, no I didn't want to go. OH was here for Christmas and will be back for New Year.
All my usual regular activities are closed this week. I have loads to keep me busy and I can watch what I want on Tv, or not. Eat what I choose. Just a tad lonely as I thrive on my regular contact with people but am quite happy for a few days. Have been reluctant to contact friends as you never know who is still busy with family st this time of year. But on the whole I am ok with this.

I suppose it is the principle really. I don't have any say in whether OH goes or not. Pre-Christmas was exceptionally busy and I would have liked some time to relax at home together.
Of course there is more to this than I want to discuss here.

I am interested in what other people do, and how they manage the time with both sets of families.

margaretclare

Not sure what this is all about.

JuneBow, I am sorry about your husband. I hope the news is better.

DH and I are just soldiering on. Hopefully when he goes for reconstructive surgery on his left leg in a few weeks' time we'll be able to get our lives back to normal. At least we're still here together, and that in itself is something to be grateful for.

Yes, it's an exclusive club which no one wants to join. Been there, and almost went there again!

[Deleted User]

JuneBow wrote: »

My own husband was admitted to hospital last night, so I too am feeling angry frightened and worried. So I hope I don't have to join your exclusive club that no one wants to join.

Oh I am so sorry that your husband has been admitted to hospital and of course I wish you both the best and hope that you will not need the `other` thread. Some people do need it of course, we have seen some newly widowed people on there lately. No-one wants to talk about death but it happens and most couples are left to cope as singles. On `that` thread we have been through diy probate, funerals and much more and when the newly bereaved are googling, looking for anyone, anywhere, for emotional and other help, then we are there for them

Maybe it would be good if you could start another thread, one perhaps looking for support when a loved one is admitted to hospital and/or needs care at home. I don`t see any specific thread and there are people about here who can offer a wealth of experience. It would be good to have a dedicated thread. These threads don`t just happen, they do involve someone who is willing to set the ball rolling, however it does pay to have a thicker skin, for when the trolls come out

Being a Liverpool lass, well I can cope with all that and more. You remember `sticks and stones etc`

[Deleted User]

Newly_retired wrote: »

Ok, here's a question I wouldn't dream of putting on Kittie's original thread.
How would you feel if your OH went off by himself to visit his family over the festive holiday period?

My daughters husband has done just that, completely with her consent. She is loving the two days to herself

Newly retired, everyone needs a bit of me time, grasp it with both hands

Gers

irishjohn wrote: »

Yes - I know what its about

kittie wrote: »

Oh I am so sorry that your husband has been admitted to hospital and of course I wish you both the best and hope that you will not need the `other` thread. Some people do need it of course, we have seen some newly widowed people on there lately. No-one wants to talk about death but it happens and most couples are left to cope as singles. On `that` thread we have been through diy probate, funerals and much more and when the newly bereaved are googling, looking for anyone, anywhere, for emotional and other help, then we are there for them

Maybe it would be good if you could start another thread, one perhaps looking for support when a loved one is admitted to hospital and/or needs care at home. I don`t see any specific thread and there are people about here who can offer a wealth of experience. It would be good to have a dedicated thread. These threads don`t just happen, they do involve someone who is willing to set the ball rolling, however it does pay to have a thicker skin, for when the trolls come out

Being a Liverpool lass, well I can cope with all that and more. You remember `sticks and stones etc`

After all the good which the original thread did it was so sad to see the lack of empthay, the hurtful sarcasm and general dismissivness shown to at least one unfortunate member - and I mean unfortunate in terms of being at the receiving end of the comments.

This is an open and public forum where almost every thread wanders and meanders. It's not a private members club nor is it an offshoot of a counsellors office. Bereavement is devastating whomsoever had died. What matters is the relationship which we have with the deceased, just because it's not a spouse doesn't mean the pain is any less or that difficult lonely times are not felt.

I haven't seen any trolls on that thread. Not sure that the term is being used accurately.

Nobody owns a thread. Nobody polices it. There are no moderators. Not even the OP of any thread. No sticks, no stones, no direction.

lessonlearned

Indeed no ones owns a thread......and as you say - they tend to meander at times.

I think that what Kittie was suggesting is that keeping the bereavement thread on track was important so that newly bereaved people could get support and help for the issues that were most urgent and relevant to their circumstances.

Adding in discussions about hospitalisation, care homes and general nursing issues might be muddying the waters and making the thread a bit unwieldy.

So yes separating bereavement from hospital and care at home issues might be beneficial.

There certainly seems to be a need for a "sickness" thread - for want of a better word - because when you are faced with dealing with bodies like adult social services, care home advice, care at home packages etc it can be a minefield.

lessonlearned

Newly Retired......

As long as you are happy with your Christmas arrangements then it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.

I think a lot of us have "suffered in silence" putting up with Christmas arrangements over which we have had little or no control, being polite to people rather than refusing invitations, having house guests when we would prefer to be alone.

It takes a brave person to say "no thank you, I would prefer to be alone";) so I take my hat off to you.

I am sure there must be millions of people who just go along with things rather than risk being seen as awkward or difficult.

My parents in law used to descend on us for around six days over Christmas......:rotfl::eek: my parents would stay for a couple of days too.

Neither my husband nor myself really wanted having house guests for that long but we just went along with it and compromised what we really wanted to make it right for our extended families.

We then made up for it by celebrating the New Year doing it "our way"