When you don`t want to spoil a dedicated thread

Biggles

lessonlearned wrote: »

There certainly seems to be a need for a "sickness" thread - for want of a better word - because when you are faced with dealing with bodies like adult social services, care home advice, care at home packages etc it can be a minefield.

As long as it doesn't go down the route (which the bereavement thread began to at one point) of discussing and recommending various favourite medications and remedies, which is not only contrary to the forum rules but dangerous in itself.

I was concerned that the blind were leading the blind and I stopped reading at that point.

mumps

PennyForThem wrote: »

Kittie - you did exactly that when I posted - so hypocritical rather fits the bill here.

JuneBow wrote: »

Hypocritical doesn't even come close!

Kittie I know you must be very angry about what has happened to you. However, that is no excuse for the way you have treated other posters on that thread. For not talking about what you want to talk about. For not being a fully paid up member .........
Last year at this time you were looking for sympathy because someone sent you a Christmas card in the wrong colour envelope! Yet your comments to others have been inexcusable. You should hang your head in shame and look back at some of your posts and apologise individually. Of course you will do none of these things.
Darkness does not drive darkness out. Only light can do that.
No one has spoilt that thread except you.
There I have got that off my chest.
My own husband was admitted to hospital last night, so I too am feeling angry frightened and worried. So I hope I don't have to join your exclusive club that no one wants to join.

Gers wrote: »

After all the good which the original thread did it was so sad to see the lack of empthay, the hurtful sarcasm and general dismissivness shown to at least one unfortunate member - and I mean unfortunate in terms of being at the receiving end of the comments.

This is an open and public forum where almost every thread wanders and meanders. It's not a private members club nor is it an offshoot of a counsellors office. Bereavement is devastating whomsoever had died. What matters is the relationship which we have with the deceased, just because it's not a spouse doesn't mean the pain is any less or that difficult lonely times are not felt.

I haven't seen any trolls on that thread. Not sure that the term is being used accurately.

Nobody owns a thread. Nobody polices it. There are no moderators. Not even the OP of any thread. No sticks, no stones, no direction.

I don't know if this thread was directed at me but I am someone who has had more than their fair share of nastiness from Kittie and her sidekick I find it interesting that other people have noticed the same thing. After her latest dig at me a number of people commented on the thread about it being inappropriate and others contacted me privately. I do think there is bullying going on.

I'm not a widow which apparently means I am not allowed to post, well go ahead Kittie and try and stop me. I was posting about my aunt, just in case people haven't seen the posts, she is a widow of 83 with alot of problems so I don't think it was inappropriate. I also posted information and support for other people, as have many others who aren't widows.

I do think a proper apology would be appropriate but as I have Kittie and LL on ignore I won't see it.

JuneBow, I hope everything goes well with your husband, it must be a very frightening time for you and I hope you are getting lots of support in real life. If not there are lots of nice people who will be more than willing to offer and help or advice that they can.

Pollycat

Newly_retired wrote: »

The question is somewhat hypothetical, as the situation is one I accept, in part. No I was not invited, no I didn't want to go. OH was here for Christmas and will be back for New Year.
All my usual regular activities are closed this week. I have loads to keep me busy and I can watch what I want on Tv, or not. Eat what I choose. Just a tad lonely as I thrive on my regular contact with people but am quite happy for a few days. Have been reluctant to contact friends as you never know who is still busy with family st this time of year. But on the whole I am ok with this.

I suppose it is the principle really. I don't have any say in whether OH goes or not. Pre-Christmas was exceptionally busy and I would have liked some time to relax at home together.
Of course there is more to this than I want to discuss here.

I am interested in what other people do, and how they manage the time with both sets of families.

I would think it incredibly rude and selfish if my OH went off to spend time with his family if I had not been invited.
But again, you don't say why you weren't invited so it's difficult to comment further.

If he wanted to go & I didn't, I'd embrace the 'me' time and really enjoy it.

margaretclare

mumps wrote: »

I don't know if this thread was directed at me but I am someone who has had more than their fair share of nastiness from Kittie and her sidekick I find it interesting that other people have noticed the same thing. After her latest dig at me a number of people commented on the thread about it being inappropriate and others contacted me privately. I do think there is bullying going on.

I'm not a widow which apparently means I am not allowed to post, well go ahead Kittie and try and stop me. I was posting about my aunt, just in case people haven't seen the posts, she is a widow of 83 with alot of problems so I don't think it was inappropriate. I also posted information and support for other people, as have many others who aren't widows.

I do think a proper apology would be appropriate but as I have Kittie and LL on ignore I won't see it.

JuneBow, I hope everything goes well with your husband, it must be a very frightening time for you and I hope you are getting lots of support in real life. If not there are lots of nice people who will be more than willing to offer and help or advice that they can.

Me too, I am not a widow, although I have been one - 1992, remarried 2002.

I've had a lot of support here since DH went into hospital on 9th November immediately after my recovery from R single-stage cup revision hip replacement. At present we are 'soldiering on' and hoping for good things from the reconstruction surgery for which he's on the Nuffield's waiting list in the next few weeks.

Christmas and all that went with it was, to all intents and purposes, a non-event. I went to church, will go again this Sunday, but that's all that it meant to both of us. It's DH's birthday tomorrow and also 14 years since my daughter died. I haven't bought him a present. All he wants, he says, is for me to be here with him and, for the New Year and our 15th wedding anniversary, to get our lives back and be able to do the things we enjoyed doing together.

mumps

margaretclare wrote: »

Me too, I am not a widow, although I have been one - 1992, remarried 2002.

I've had a lot of support here since DH went into hospital on 9th November immediately after my recovery from R single-stage cup revision hip replacement. At present we are 'soldiering on' and hoping for good things from the reconstruction surgery for which he's on the Nuffield's waiting list in the next few weeks.

Christmas and all that went with it was, to all intents and purposes, a non-event. I went to church, will go again this Sunday, but that's all that it meant to both of us. It's DH's birthday tomorrow and also 14 years since my daughter died. I haven't bought him a present. All he wants, he says, is for me to be here with him and, for the New Year and our 15th wedding anniversary, to get our lives back and be able to do the things we enjoyed doing together.

I hope he gets what he wants.

moneyistooshorttomention

Personally - I've not seen any deliberately nasty comments on this sub-forum. I have seen comments that, to my mind, have been misinterpreted and it looks to me as if it's down to people being (understandably) upset in their context of their own lives. Accordingly, they've taken them wrongly.

If anyone thinks any of the comments on this sub-forum have been bullying - they clearly haven't been reading the Old Style sub-forum. Some of the comments made on there sometimes quite definitely are meant to be nasty and it's no wonder they're upsetting to those on the receiving end of them (until you learn to "put on an extra couple of layers of thick skin" before reading and remember that it is a largely female sub-forum and I guess that explains it imo - as it does appear that women can be a lot worse than men at making such remarks).

I would say that one and the Benefits sub-forum are the ones that experience this frequently. The Relationships sub-forum does occasionally.

But - nope...not on this one. Not that I've noticed anyway...

JuneBow

Kittie
I don't need a new thread. I am fortunate that I don't need support.
I have no real family except my adult children and I have many friends. I am not a heart on my sleeve type and am not the type that wants to discuss problems or illness details.
However as you can see from the thread there are many people who do need to do that and that is fine.
I realise you are bereaved. However some of your comments have been inexcusable. Particularly when you find the wrong colour envelope so offensive.
If you think you have problems then I can assure you that unless there is something major you have kept they are nothing in comparison to a friend of mine who has recently been bereaved. She would still not dream of such nastiness.

mumps wrote: »

I don't know if this thread was directed at me but I am someone who has had more than their fair share of nastiness from Kittie and her sidekick I find it interesting that other people have noticed the same thing. After her latest dig at me a number of people commented on the thread about it being inappropriate and others contacted me privately. I do think there is bullying going on.

I'm not a widow which apparently means I am not allowed to post, well go ahead Kittie and try and stop me. I was posting about my aunt, just in case people haven't seen the posts, she is a widow of 83 with alot of problems so I don't think it was inappropriate. I also posted information and support for other people, as have many others who aren't widows.

I do think a proper apology would be appropriate but as I have Kittie and LL on ignore I won't see it.

JuneBow, I hope everything goes well with your husband, it must be a very frightening time for you and I hope you are getting lots of support in real life. If not there are lots of nice people who will be more than willing to offer and help or advice that they can.

Actually I had not seen many of your posts and was thinking of some much earlier. I agree they are disgraceful and had I seen them I would have made comment as it was unnecessary.
There are some who should also be in the queue with you but I hope you are not in the queue outside. It's chilly and you will freeze to death.

Gers

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Personally - I've not seen any deliberately nasty comments on this sub-forum.

If anyone thinks any of the comments on this sub-forum have been bullying - they clearly haven't been reading the Old Style sub-forum. Some of the comments made on there sometimes quite definitely are meant to be nasty and it's no wonder they're upsetting to those on the receiving end of them (until you learn to "put on an extra couple of layers of thick skin" before reading and remember that it is a largely female sub-forum and I guess that explains it imo - as it does appear that women can be a lot worse than men at making such remarks).

I would say that one and the Benefits sub-forum are the ones that experience this frequently. The Relationships sub-forum does occasionally.

But - nope...not on this one. Not that I've noticed anyway...

The OS board is one of the friendliest on this site. I only frequent the daily OS thread and can say with unhesitating certainty that there are never any nasty or unfriendly comments there. At the moment there is huge support and supportive comments for members going through family bereavements and loss of friends, not to mention the usual bumps and perils of normal life. Never a nasty word written there.

I've read some of the comments you've been given (on the housing board) which have been very pointed. Once when I ventured into a money board I beat a hasty retreat from sharks and beasties.

Pollycat

Gers wrote: »

The OS board is one of the friendliest on this site. I only frequent the daily OS thread and can say with unhesitating certainty that there are never any nasty or unfriendly comments there. At the moment there is huge support and supportive comments for members going through family bereavements and loss of friends, not to mention the usual bumps and perils of normal life. Never a nasty word written there.

I've read some of the comments you've been given (on the housing board) which have been very pointed. Once when I ventured into a money board I beat a hasty retreat from sharks and beasties.

^^^^^^ +1 and +1 and +1......
If that poster thinks some of the posts on the OS board are nasty, I think they are on a different planet to me.
Other than the DFW board, it's the most supportive and friendly board on MSE.

I can't understand why this thread was started.

Newly_retired

Well I assumed it was for non-bereavement problems, eg illness, loneliness, whatever, rather than have them dilute the widows' thread.
I too have got the impression that anyone who is not a widow was not really welcome, however well intentioned, in Kittie's original thread.

On here, I shall dare to say that , whilst I have every sympathy for those recently bereaved, I know a number of widows who really are getting on with it and coping marvellously. But to refer to what they get up to, as a means of encouragement that there is life after death, if I can put it that way, would be sure to cause offence there, I have no doubt.
Also I have gently tried to make the point that widows are not the only people who feel lonely, or have taken a severe battering in life. Such thoughts were not welcomed.
Ok I appreciate that that thread had a specific intention, and is greatly needed. But nobody is perfect.
I say this with feeling: life is already too hurtful. Let us try to avoid making matters worse.