I find this a bit odd

mumps

duchy wrote: »

It'd be interesting to know which particular part of Ireland your family come from that may be the difference.

(Mine are all from the South and Catholic, I work with some people from the North however so must remember to ask them if it's the same ....... )

My family are mixed, Catholic from the South and Presbyterian from the North. They all seem to do the same, not sending cards the first Christmas and low key Christmas for the bereaved, not ignoring it completely but just a bit quieter. My mother did disregard this on the basis she had 3 school aged children, one only 7 and 4 weeks before Christmas we lost our dad so she felt we should have Christmas. From memory I think the Presbyterian branch were more shocked but it was a five minute wonder.

fierystormcloud

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I think that's a major exaggeration - the poor man died less than a week ago and hasn't been buried yet!

As has been said - by many on here - people deal with grief differently. No-one has a right to scold people for still celebrating Christmas a few weeks after someone has died, and as for slating them for going on facebook; well words fail me!

It's this kind of attitude and judging, that will make people struggle to cope with their grief. Why can't people just mind their own business? :huh:

What difference does it make to you - or anyone else - if someone carries on 'as normal' after a family death? People should be left alone, and not have to tolerate judgemental comments and sneers from people who think it's a disgrace that someone still observes Christmas after losing a close relative. Just because people THEY know wouldn't do the same, that doesn't mean they have a right to condemn people who don't 'fall in line!'

pollypenny

orangesandapples wrote: »

It doesn't seem a modern tradition to not send cards or put up decorations.
Also the OP is being rather rude, is the poor woman meant to give up on living herself? Surely having a relative die encourages you to live your own life to the max . I can't believe others would begrudge a bereaved relative from celebrating christmas or even logging onto facebook for goodness sake. Are they meant to pull a Queen Victoria and not appear in public, not work or socialise for three years!!!

Yes, the poor woman must be in a state and is 'taking refuge in FB'. However, she's not only changed back to her maiden name, but her status to single! :eek:

Sounds as if she's available - again or already. Very odd to me.

missbiggles1

fierystormcloud wrote: »

As has been said - by many on here - people deal with grief differently. No-one has a right to scold people for still celebrating Christmas a few weeks after someone has died, and as for slating them for going on facebook; well words fail me!

It's this kind of attitude and judging, that will make people struggle to cope with their grief. Why can't people just mind their own business? :huh:

What difference does it make to you - or anyone else - if someone carries on 'as normal' after a family death? People should be left alone, and not have to tolerate judgemental comments and sneers from people who think it's a disgrace that someone still observes Christmas after losing a close relative. Just because people THEY know wouldn't do the same, that doesn't mean they have a right to condemn people who don't 'fall in line!'

Christmas was a side issue. What the OP and others were commenting was the widow altering her status to "single" on Facebook and changing her name within a couple of days of his death.

There could be reasons behind this (she may be happy he's gone!) but most people would think pretty unusual behaviour in such a recent widow.

AFAIK, the OP hasn't brought the issue up personally (one would hope) but just brought it here as a discussion topic. I don't think there's anything wrong in that.

clairec79

Proxima_Centauri wrote: »

Does Facebook have an option for 'widow'? (I don't use facebook, so don't know all the ins and outs)

I just checked and in relationship options it has

single,
in a relationship,
engaged,
married,
in a civil partnership,
in a domestic partnership,
in an open relationship,
it's complicated,
seperated,
divorced,
widowed

sleepymans

meg72 wrote: »

Sudden death is hard to cope with, your friend will be in shock, I wouldn't make too much of it to be honest and just address the card as you would normally do.

Agreed, please be kind.

indiepanda

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Christmas was a side issue. What the OP and others were commenting was the widow altering her status to "single" on Facebook and changing her name within a couple of days of his death.

There could be reasons behind this (she may be happy he's gone!) but most people would think pretty unusual behaviour in such a recent widow.

Exactly, especially as she has a young son at home whose surname is that of his deceased father. If it were my friend I would at the least be wondering if this were a strong signal things weren't happy at home before this. Many widows keep their married surname after all.

I have changed my relationship status on facebook when a relationship has ended before, but that was when splitting up with a boyfriend who was still very much alive which is hardly the same thing. If I wanted to tell people my partner had died, I can think of less ambiguous ways of doing it.

missbiggles1

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

She may have done it in a moment of despair and self pity.

This is what I am now, I might as well accept it, kinda thing.

We can be very self-defeating when we're in pain and we just need time and understanding not judgement.

But, if Facebook has the option of "widow", why choose "single"?

missbiggles1

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

Good point.

I don't know.
I thought we were starting to suspect she bumped him off.

Life is never boring on MSE!

thorsoak

We won't know as the OP doesn't appear to have returned for a couple of days - but I do hope that her "friend" doesn't read MSE!