I find this a bit odd

fierystormcloud

Mojisola wrote: »

Doesn't matter how many links you find on the internet, it's not going to change the fact that this wasn't done in my Irish family.

Same here. Can't find one single Irish person who says they did it.

Plenty of people about who don't like it when you don't agree with them though.

Serendipitious

bubbs wrote: »

My sister was widowed in Feb this yr she was 45 her husband was taken ill 5 weeks previous, as you can imagine this year has been very difficult
She was coming here for xmas but reality hit her hard last week about xmas and she was so upset , so we are now going there (hubby and i) but she is still sending cards etc but i am finding it difficult to fnd her a card

Hallmark have some lovely cards with 'Thinking of You at Christmas' on them.

I have had to buy one this week. The first Christmas following a loss is extremely difficult.

Proxima_Centauri

Mojisola wrote: »

Doesn't matter how many links you find on the internet, it's not going to change the fact that this wasn't done in my Irish family.

I thought you might be Nigerian, going by your username

coolcait

'Traditions' can sometimes be surprisingly local. Something which is a tradition in one part of a country - or even in just one town - isn't necessarily a tradition in the rest of the country.

Even so, if a bereaved person living in that area prefers to do what feels right for him/her, even if that's different form the tradition, then that's how it should be.

As so many other posters have said, everyone deals with grief differently. Even within my own family we have all dealt with grief differently.

ska_lover

Flipping hell DevilsAdvocate.

Not heard of 'goodwill to all men' then?

if this is how you treat your friend, gossiping about them, jumping to negative conclusions, starting threads on forums about them - you aren't much of a friend at all!

NBLondon

duchy wrote: »

If someone had made that clear I'd send a card but I'd be careful not to go for a Merry type card and choose something like a snow scene saying seasons greetings or a card with a religious theme if I knew they believed . Often though people just send cards without thinking about the context .

Absolutely.

I do this with Christmas cards in general - in my extended family, there are Christians (including one senior cleric) so I will choose a "church in the snow" type card for them and usually get one in return. There are also a couple of pagans - so I will make sure I choose a card with wildlife or something and Season's or Winter Greetings. So if you know someone is bereaved/grieving - there are options that don't include Merry/Happy.

The one time I possibly got it wrong was with a distant acquaintance (of the postcards in summer and cards at Christmas variety) who had actually passed away in October but I didn't know. I did get a note afterwards from her new partner (who I'd never met) so then I felt I should write back to apologise/sympathise - which I needed 2 or 3 drafts to get right.

duchy

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Same here. Can't find one single Irish person who says they did it.

Plenty of people about who don't like it when you don't agree with them though.

It's OK Hun we do understand you don't like it (although you clearly don't realize that not all Irish people all do exactly the same thing .....in exactly the same way all Brish folk don't either).

Age , religion, region, residency will all make a difference, however just because the couple of immigrant Irish you met in the pub last night don't do it , yet my vast network of Irish relatives do isn't any reason for you to get snippy. A custom or convention is just that .....although my personal philosophy when dealing with the bereaved is to err on the side of caution and in the absence of knowing for sure assume they are conventional as people can be hyper sensitive when recently bereaved. I do think though many ex pats don't always keep the conventions the way they would had they stayed home but tend to cherry pick keeping some and dropping others. A young person leaving Ireland at say nineteen may never even have needed to send a card in such circumstances as it would be the parents sending family cards so it wouldn't be a custom they even knew about or resonated with them.

duchy

Mojisola wrote: »

Doesn't matter how many links you find on the internet, it's not going to change the fact that this wasn't done in my Irish family.

It'd be interesting to know which particular part of Ireland your family come from that may be the difference.

(Mine are all from the South and Catholic, I work with some people from the North however so must remember to ask them if it's the same ....... )

fierystormcloud

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Same here. Can't find one single Irish person who says they did it.

Plenty of people about who don't like it when you don't agree with them though.

duchy wrote: »

It's OK Hun we do understand you don't like it (although you clearly don't realize that not all Irish people all do exactly the same thing .....in exactly the same way all Brish folk don't either).

Age , religion, region, residency will all make a difference, however just because the couple of immigrant Irish you met in the pub last night don't do it , yet my vast network of Irish relatives do isn't any reason for you to get snippy. A custom or convention is just that .....although my personal philosophy when dealing with the bereaved is to err on the side of caution and in the absence of knowing for sure assume they are conventional as people can be hyper sensitive when recently bereaved.

I do think though many ex pats don't always keep the conventions the way they would had they stayed home but tend to cherry pick keeping some and dropping others. A young person leaving Ireland at say nineteen may never even have needed to send a card in such circumstances as it would be the parents sending family cards so it wouldn't be a custom they even knew about or resonated with them.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Funny how you assumed my post was aimed at you.

Why is that?

And full marks for assuming I only spoke to a couple of Irish people in the pub, :rotfl: I know dozens of Irish people, including people in my extended family - :cool: Sorry to blow your theory and assumptions!

And NONE of them do this 'not celebrating Christmas after the death of a close family member' - NOT ONE. And I know young and old, and ex-pats and people who still live there! As many people have said on here, just because all the Irish people you know don't celebrate Crimbo for a century after a death, doesn't mean all Irish do the same.

Face it Duchy; not everyone is going to agree with you HUN! :cool:

missbiggles1

orangesandapples wrote: »

It doesn't seem a modern tradition to not send cards or put up decorations.
Also the OP is being rather rude, is the poor woman meant to give up on living herself? Surely having a relative die encourages you to live your own life to the max . I can't believe others would begrudge a bereaved relative from celebrating christmas or even logging onto facebook for goodness sake. Are they meant to pull a Queen Victoria and not appear in public, not work or socialise for three years!!!

I think that's a major exaggeration - the poor man died less than a week ago and hasn't been buried yet!