Child free (by choice. )All of our friends now have children.

LannieDuck

We have kids and are trying very hard to maintain our friendships! Luckily our friends are very understanding (even the child-free ones), and don't take it personally that we can't see them as often as we used to. We really make an effort to keep seeing them from time-to-time tho.

Normally, we have people come to visit us at home, because then the kids can occupy themselves in a child-proof house. And we might get 30 mins of blissful adult conversation! (I'm very happy to talk about non-kid stuff btw, you just might have to provide the topic starter - I'm somewhat out of practise!).

But we still make an effort to go visit other people when they invite us - although we inevitably have to entertain and keep an eye on the kids at the same time as trying to chat. Admittedly this is something that we do more often with other parent-friends (rather than child-free friends) because they tend to have more toys and much child-safer houses.

I'm hoping we can keep the friendships going until we come out the otherside of kiddy-dom and get our weekends and evenings back


PS Never go to soft-play hell if you can avoid it!

surveyqueenuk

Kate/Bob wrote: »

To be fair I may ask you about family/relationship status if we're first meeting because it's one way to get more information, but I've never understood some people thinking they can tell others they'll want children eventually (they're hardly easy even if you really want them).

I'm CFBC and have no problem with being asked if I have kids. It's just an icebreaker and usually meant with good intentions. It's when people ask why that I get annoyed. Many people are not childless through choice so I just feel that asking for further explanation is rather insensitive.

SandC

As others have said you just have to diversify and extend your friends. Before you know it your pals with small children will have teenagers and will have their second wind.

I would suggest more time doing some kind of hobbie, I've made a lot of friends through my various exercise regimes over the years, plus I've got back in touch with former work colleagues and school/college mates. I socialise with the extended family on my sister in law's side also.

Now I'm 46 the original girls are now finding they've finally got more time and more disposable cash now their children are growing up. But believe me, I spent many years compromising on venues and budgets. My social life is now as busy as I want it to be with lots of options.

Stick on in there, don't let your good friends go but realise that they've got different priorities for a few years but you have many options open to you.

missbiggles1

I appreciate that not everybody can afford it but doesn't anybody have baby sitters any more?

Person_one

surveyqueenuk wrote: »

I'm CFBC and have no problem with being asked if I have kids. It's just an icebreaker and usually meant with good intentions. It's when people ask why that I get annoyed. Many people are not childless through choice so I just feel that asking for further explanation is rather insensitive.

Completely agree with this, I have no problem being asked as long as people accept my answer of no and then move on. Its shocking how many people think its ok to start digging into your reasons why and make judgemental comments about it.

Person_one

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I appreciate that not everybody can afford it but doesn't anybody have baby sitters any more?

People are more likely to live far away from parents and siblings (which I believe you think is to be encouraged, no?) and even if they are nearby then grandparents are far more likely to still be working and busy themselves these days. I've never heard of anybody I know paying for a babysitter, or of anybody who babysits for a living.

mumps

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I appreciate that not everybody can afford it but doesn't anybody have baby sitters any more?

I think baby sitters are quite expensive. People don't seem to trust the 15 year old neighbour these days so it is granny or someone from an agency at about £10 an hour.

mumps

My best friend has been my best friend for over 50 years. I am married with 4 kids, she has never married and never had kids. We paired up at school because we were odd ones out at our grammar school, I came from a rough area and lots of girls weren't allowed to come to my house or have me to their house because of it and she was too posh. We have always been opposites and at times have gone over a year without seeing each other but nothing changes our relationship, when we meet up we are those 11 year olds who are out of step with the rest of the world.

Person_one

mumps wrote: »

My best friend has been my best friend for over 50 years. I am married with 4 kids, she has never married and never had kids. We paired up at school because we were odd ones out at our grammar school, I came from a rough area and lots of girls weren't allowed to come to my house or have me to their house because of it and she was too posh. We have always been opposites and at times have gone over a year without seeing each other but nothing changes our relationship, when we meet up we are those 11 year olds who are out of step with the rest of the world.

Thanks for posting that, I met one of my closest friends on the first day of secondary school too, we are also very different in lots of ways and she is a single mum now while I am CFBC. I hope our friendship lasts as long as yours.

justme111

Person_one wrote: »

Completely agree with this, I have no problem being asked as long as people accept my answer of no and then move on. Its shocking how many people think its ok to start digging into your reasons why and make judgemental comments about it.

I think people ask that question with the same thought as when they ask "how are you" - everybody expects one to say "fine" or start talking about their children. So when they are met with an answer "I do not have children " they have no idea how to move conversation on, feel awkward and start digging a hole