Child free (by choice. )All of our friends now have children.

Marvel1

With friends and children, I never started it, good excuse for me I buy more for my niece and nephew instead.

heartbreak_star

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I don't understand why get togethers with your friends should be in the day time with children involved. Why don't you see them in the evening for adult drinks/dinner/etc?

Because it's usually those with the kids that dictate when, where and how the CFBCer's can see them - very occasionally to the point where we're treated like secondary friends because we haven't popped a sprog...

HBS x

Out,_Vile_Jelly

Bluntly, when people have kids, you have to resign yourself to seeing them less often, seeing them with whiny, demanding kids present, and for a lot of cancellations and postponements. If they are good enough friends you will put up with this for a few years. After all, if you got an illness that made you housebound and less spontaneous and fun, you'd hope they'd still want to be friends surely?

Most parents love the opportunity of a childless outing or night out, but this will take a lot of planning in advance.

And yes, you will need some child-free friends or you'll get very bored. It's always good to have a variety of friends of different ages and background; volunteering is very useful for expanding your social group like this.

Claire_A87

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Because it's usually those with the kids that dictate when, where and how the CFBCer's can see them - very occasionally to the point where we're treated like secondary friends because we haven't popped a sprog...

...because those with children aren't responsible just for themselves. I'd love to be able to pop out for lunch with a friend on the spur of the moment, but I understand I gave up that perk when I had a child. My friends without children understand I need notice to arrange to meet up, & if they can only make a specific day/time that I may have to bring my child with me.

If your friends treat you like a second-class friend then it's time to get new ones.

Lily-Rose_3

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Because it's usually those with the kids that dictate when, where and how the CFBCer's can see them - very occasionally to the point where we're treated like secondary friends because we haven't popped a sprog...

HBS x

You may feel like this, but I am virtually 100% certain your friends with children aren't purposely 'putting you second.' It's also highly unlikely that anyone is 'dictating' when and where you meet. Life with a child is sometimes unpredictable. People aren't doing thngs deliberately to bug you!

Thing is, if any particular friend of yours is any kind of a mother, she will put her children before ANYthing; work, friends, her extended family, her husband, and even herself. My daughter is ALWAYS the top priority over and above everything in my life, and she always will be. And if I had some child-free friend who was getting all wounded and miffed because I had the temerity to put the welfare of my daughter above her, and she stopped wanting to meet me; I would consider myself well rid! I don't need 'friends' like that.

heartbreak_star

The "second class" bit comes in where you get looked at like you've grown a second head when you try and a) talk about anything other than their children and b) reiterate that you don't want one. Again and again and again and again and...ugh.

HBS x

missbiggles1

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Because it's usually those with the kids that dictate when, where and how the CFBCer's can see them - very occasionally to the point where we're treated like secondary friends because we haven't popped a sprog...

HBS x

As someone who was generally childless, I appreciate what you're saying.

However, childless couples are perfectly able to invite their friends with children over for dinner or for a drink rather than going to soft play centres. IME, most adults see their friends in the evening because they're working - daytime get togethers are less common.

heartbreak_star

Also - just thought about this too.

I understand that your kids have to come first. I'd be slightly bemused if they didn't, as it's only natural and absolutely correct.

However, it's also your CHOICE to have a child. It really annoys me when people have kids and then when they do manage to make it out they act like martyrs, whinge about their kids/how tired they are (as if I'm not allowed to be tired)/how hard their life is, and say how jealous they are of childfree people. You made your choice! I don't understand!

HBS x

Pewmouse

I'm child free by choice as I really don't like the noise and mess made by children, I have several friends that have small children which includes my best friend from school. I will occasionally agree to go out and do something that includes the children but I generally try to arrange something with just my best friend as her husband sometimes agrees to have the kids on his own so that we can go out and my friend gets a nice night out.


Otherwise we see some friends that have a child and we go to their house as their child can be included in the meal and go to bed at his normal time and we can stay up chatting etc. This might be something you could suggest? As we see these friends much more often as they don't always have to get childcare.


They also do nights out taken in turns, one time the men will do out for a meal and the ladies will stay in at one house with the kids and get a takeaway. Then next time it's the ladies turn to go out and the men stay in and get takeaway with the kids. We are also invited even thought we don't have kids.


Sometimes it depends on the parents as to what they are happy to do, obviously their lives change as they have kids but I have found that some new parents sit moaning that their friends don't see them now they have kids. Invites and phone calls work both ways but some people don't see it this way!

heartbreak_star

missbiggles1 wrote: »

As someone who was generally childless, I appreciate what you're saying.

However, childless couples are perfectly able to invite their friends with children over for dinner or for a drink rather than going to soft play centres. IME, most adults see their friends in the evening because they're working - daytime get togethers are less common.

Absolutely! As luck would have it, we have a local community centre with both a cafe and a bar, and that works for us all in the evenings

HBS x