Child free (by choice. )All of our friends now have children.

missbiggles1

Lily-Rose wrote: »

You may feel like this, but I am virtually 100% certain your friends with children aren't purposely 'putting you second.' It's also highly unlikely that anyone is 'dictating' when and where you meet. Life with a child is sometimes unpredictable. People aren't doing thngs deliberately to bug you!

Thing is, if any particular friend of yours is any kind of a mother, she will put her children before ANYthing; work, friends, her extended family, her husband, and even herself. My daughter is ALWAYS the top priority over and above everything in my life, and she always will be. And if I had some child-free friend who was getting all wounded and miffed because I had the temerity to put the welfare of my daughter above her, and she stopped wanting to meet me; I would consider myself well rid! I don't need 'friends' like that.

No wonder the divorce rate's so high.:(

heartbreak_star

Pewmouse wrote: »

I'm child free by choice -snip-

I agree with this post entirely. I'd thank it twice if I could.

HBS x

Person_one

heartbreak_star wrote: »

The "second class" bit comes in where you get looked at like you've grown a second head when you try and a) talk about anything other than their children and b) reiterate that you don't want one. Again and again and again and again and...ugh.

HBS x

Then you definitely need new friends, my good friends with children are still the same people they were before they had them and are perfectly capable of talking about other things! I do take an interest in their kids too though, they're a huge part of their life, it'd be weird if they acted as though they didn't exist.

There are plenty of people out there who view us CFBC like we've got three heads and can't be trusted to look after a rock for 5 minutes, but why would these people be your friends?

Person_one

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Also - just thought about this too.

I understand that your kids have to come first. I'd be slightly bemused if they didn't, as it's only natural and absolutely correct.

However, it's also your CHOICE to have a child. It really annoys me when people have kids and then when they do manage to make it out they act like martyrs, whinge about their kids/how tired they are (as if I'm not allowed to be tired)/how hard their life is, and say how jealous they are of childfree people. You made your choice! I don't understand!

HBS x

Well, I chose my job knowing it was stressful, long hours etc. but I still like to have a good moan about it to my friends every now and then!

FBaby

However, it's also your CHOICE to have a child. It really annoys me when people have kids and then when they do manage to make it out they act like martyrs, whinge about their kids/how tired they are (as if I'm not allowed to be tired)/how hard their life is, and say how jealous they are of childfree people. You made your choice! I don't understand!

And that is exactly why friends with kids rather meet up with other parents. Like everyone, we like to moan, parents who get together moan about being a parents, co-workers moan about their job/boss, athletes moan about their injuries, and newly established couples moan about their partners!

I just don't think it has to be all or nothing. When my kids were little, I tried to make time to meet my friends without kids without mine. Some clearly preferred it this way, but some actually enjoyed my kids' company so didn't mind joining in activities.

One of these friends had a child when mine were starting to be independent and ironically, I have never met her without her boy, even though he is now 8. I accept that this is her choice although I do resent a bit the fact that he is constantly interrupting us and she doesn't have a problem with it so conversation can be frustrating. Consequently, I don't see her as often, but still look forward to seeing her.

The friends I see most often tend to be the ones who have children of similar ages/do similar activities because we have most in common and can moan about things they can relate too. You just have to adapt. If you feel frustrated with your friendships, use your energy to develop new ones with people you feel you have more in common.

Pewmouse

I do agree with HBS as I too find that people will not accept the fact that I don't want children. I'm 26 so people are always telling me I have plenty of time to change my mind.


I personally find this very condescending, especially coming from good friends. My best friend has 3 kids and after several years of pestering she now accepts that I don't want my own kids. I have another friend who didn't want kids and we used to go out a lot, she now has an unplanned baby who she loves dearly but she now brings up when I will have kids every time I see her and it grates!

heartbreak_star

I think I can be a bit of a Grinch when it comes to kids, I try and take as much of an interest as possible but I'm not great at it. I think I use up all my kid-friendliness teaching my dance class hahaha! (Although they're aged 5-8 so not tiny toddlers.)

HBS x

mai_taylor

It feels like I've just written this. We organised a Christmas party / get together at our house (babies invited), thought this would be easier than arranging a Christmas meal or drinks out but hardly anyone could make it so I've just cancelled it. One couple wanted to come at 6 (started at 6.30) and leave at 7.15 so their 18 month year old could go to bed. We gave them 2 months notice.

justme111

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Also - just thought about this too.

I understand that your kids have to come first. I'd be slightly bemused if they didn't, as it's only natural and absolutely correct.

However, it's also your CHOICE to have a child. It really annoys me when people have kids and then when they do manage to make it out they act like martyrs, whinge about their kids/how tired they are (as if I'm not allowed to be tired)/how hard their life is, and say how jealous they are of childfree people. You made your choice! I don't understand!

HBS x

Ah , but you chosen to have no children and now moan on how society treats you
I think this topic is fun in seeing how people and their preferences change and how different we are , good for a moan and hopefully nobody gets seriously upset about this stuff.
Re moan - my personal favoirite one is when people start listing their children's achievements. One of my friends liked to go on about how her son in law is good for providing to her daughter and their children in conversations with me , single mother back then.
She is still a friend as I understand people talk about what interests them and she has some redeeming features.

Person_one

heartbreak_star wrote: »

i think I can be a bit of a Grinch when it comes to kids, I try and take as much of an interest as possible but I'm not great at it. I think I use up all my kid-friendliness teaching my dance class hahaha! (Although they're aged 5-8 so not tiny toddlers.)

HBS x

I still am a big kid really, at a housewarming party recently I spent more time on Beatles Rock Band in the playroom with a bunch of 7-10 year olds than with the adults.