Child free (by choice. )All of our friends now have children.

yellow218

thread removed

BrassicWoman

then do that? or go to a meetup group.

seriously, what do you want your friends to do? shove them back in?

KRB2725

Don't go or try and organise an adults night out.

If you choose to have children but have no support network around you, then finding a babysitter is very difficult.

My husband and I get a very occasional night out together, but most of our socialising is either done at our house with kids in bed or my husband and I go out separately.

If you begrudge buying presents then don't do it. I would hate to think that my friends felt duty bound to buy gifts for my children and resented doing so.

Person_one

Why do you only want to socialise with married couples?

I don't know what to suggest, my friends who have children are capable of going out without them, they even seem to enjoy it! Do you ever invite them out or suggest adult oriented options?

barbiedoll

What on earth are you doing at a soft play centre? They are hell on earth even for parents! (Although we used to go late afternoons, an hour before closing time, the staff would turn a blind eye when we had a quick play in the ball pit lol!)

In my group of friends, there were 3 couples with kids, one couple without, and a single mum. When we got together, at one or another's house, we would start early (6-7pm when the kids were small) so that the children could eat, play and then crash in front of the telly. We would each bring a dish and some drinks and we'd have a "help yourself" style buffet, with hot and cold stuff. We'd often have a game of poker afterwards, or a bit of a dance, the kids would join in and the childless couple were as welcome as everyone else. My childless friend started bringing her (much) younger brother and sister but her and her husband were still allowed to come in without kids!

You may find that some parents don't have the time/cash/babysitters to enable them to sit for hours in a restaurant, drinking wine and eating fine food. But that doesn't mean that you can't see them, and it doesn't mean that you you're condemned to spend the rest of your life in McDonalds and other frightful, kid-friendly places.

Don't feel compelled to buy presents for their kids. Unless you're particularly close to them, or you're a godparent, then why should you? And if the kids aren't playing with them, you're probably not choosing the right gifts anyway..this is not a criticism but often, non-parents will carefully choose educational, ethical, hand-crafted stuff. Unfortunately, kids love plastic tat, and lots of it.

Try looking for a dining-club, join a walking group, check out the real ale enthusiasts? But don't dismiss the joy of a country walk with a toddler...their fascination with bugs, puddles and any and every passing dog, is a joy to behold

chesky

If all your friends are couples of a similar age to you, then surely you realise that most of them will acquire children sooner or later. Why don't you try making new friends - perhaps from work. Maybe older, whose kids don't need to be hauled out to social occasions with their parents. Or single people, or gays who may not want children either.

missbiggles1

yellow218 wrote: »

Our get together are now children focused. We get to see our friends but it means we now have to pay for things we don't really want to do/don't enjoy. I.e. Rubbish food at soft play!! (Even if I had children I wouldn't want to go there!)

Christmas and birthday gifts: we feel we should get presents for the children but obviously this can't be recriprocated. And I have a chip on my shoulder about it for some reason. Esp as it seems our gifts are never used/played with.

Three: it feels like we are drifting apart. I feel like putting out an advert: "wanted. Nice married couples in their late 20s- 30s who do not have children, for dinner parties, pub walks and general company. Must like good food. Good wine. And good company". Hahaha.

I don't understand why get togethers with your friends should be in the day time with children involved. Why don't you see them in the evening for adult drinks/dinner/etc?

gycraig_2

Same situation but iv never been to a soft play and wouldn't if you paid me.

Choices are either find new friends or do things without kids involved, why do you need to buy presents iv only ever bought my neice presents wouldn't buy for friends kids.

Go to pub with kids etc by all means. It is hard being the only nine breeders in fairness im trying to expand my social circle but it is hard

theoretica

I have on a number of occasions told parents that sproglet is not getting a present as I can't think of anything it needs which it doesn't already have. They tend to laugh and agree.

hazyjo

I'm in a similar boat with some old school friends. I have other closer friends now who don't have kids (met through an old job I was at for 6 years, although left over 16 years ago). You'll prob find your life takes a different turn.

With my 'mum' friends, I rarely now go along to the family things. We all take each other out for whoever's birthday it is (no kids) which is lovely and I'm sure they all appreciate adult time! Perhaps you could suggest something if they all have partners/family/babysitters that could have the kids once every few months.

I have decided to only buy the kids Christmas presents now, not birthday presents. I don't see them often enough and found I was hanging onto things for months (plus the money! It's just crazy!). I don't buy Christmas presents for those friends. Well, I do one, but only as her son's now 21 so I've stopped buying as I never see him so I'd rather buy for her now.

If they're friends you want to keep in touch with, you'll find a way of doing it. I'll be moving much closer to one of them next year and I'm looking forward to seeing her (and her kids) more often. I wouldn't want to tag along if there were loads of them meeting up with their kids though! Would feel like such a spare part!

Jx

FBaby

This is only natural progression. You have friends who remain so forever however much the focus of your life end up differing, but for most, it's what you had in common as priorities that got you together.

Once you become a parent, you change drastically as most of your life start to evolve around them, especially when they are still very little. Even if they can separate themselves from their children, they often find they don't have massive to talk about that doesn't relate to their children because it rules most of their days and nights!

My advice would be to suggest meeting less often, but try to see if they would agree to meet without their children, if it is possible, and then try to arrange it in such a way that it would be an opportunity for them to forget about parenting for a few hours.

If that doesn't work, I would accept that maybe you different paths in life mean that your friendship is not what it used to be, at least for the time being and you need to look for friends with whom you have more in common.