Partner doing chores badly is driving me crazy!

Lrimas

74jax wrote: »

Hubby moved in with me. His idea of clean and tidy is the complete opposite of mine. After about a month we got a cleaner. I put up with it for a month then realised it was how he was, so he employed a cleaner for his share. We got married shortly after and upped the cleaners hours to cover some of mine too.

He still does his own washing - maybe one a month - and I just do mine. No more arguments after the cleaner was employed. Totally worth it.

This. I hate doing chores (I get extremely grumpy when I have to do any sort of housework) and don't mind having an untidy house but can't stand having a dirty kitchen/bathroom. I tend to clean up after myself as I go which makes it easier to deal with.

Oh is incapable of cleaning up after himself and leaves a big mess everywhere. In the kitchen he says it is because he makes complicated food and can't focus on doing that while cooking, but he once made hotdogs and left the counters smeared with ketchup and mustard.

Getting a cleaner probably saved our relationship.

duchy

Getting a cleaner is fine if you are both working but when kids come along it can move to the extravagance basket especiallyif one parent is staying home full or part time and it raises the whole issue again.

Mojisola

Lrimas wrote: »

Oh is incapable of cleaning up after himself and leaves a big mess everywhere. In the kitchen he says it is because he makes complicated food and can't focus on doing that while cooking, but he once made hotdogs and left the counters smeared with ketchup and mustard.

Getting a cleaner probably saved our relationship.

A cleaner can help keep the place generally clean but isn't going to be available to tidy up after every kitchen episode.

onomatopoeia99

indiepanda wrote: »

I think a slightly extreme perspective - the poster didn't say that women expect a show home and that men should do half the work to get it. Plenty of women are a bit laid back about house work too - and I am sure you will admit there's a minimum that even you do.

I mean, you must eat, so unless you either eat out every meal, or only buy ready prepared food and eat out of the packet or use paper plates and plastic cutlery and throw them away, then there's at least a bit of cooking and/or washing up?

Similarly I don't know anyone who doesn't change their clothes for clean ones every so often - admit some might wear things a few more times than others. So unless you take everything to a laundry service (and even that's a bit of effort) or get a cleaner to do it all (and even they tend to insist on you pre-sorting it) there must be some washing to do. Admit ironing can be optional if you don't have a job that requires smart dress.

Some things need to be done - cooking, laundry cleaning the bathroom - other things, e.g. vacuuming, dusting, ironing, are optional. Dishwashers exist for washing up.

I have had the conversation that runs

You never do the dusting!
Because I don't see the need
But I want it done, so I always end up doing it
Well, that would make sense.

That's the point I clearly failed to convey. If only one person thinks something needs to be done, then they should get on and do it. Anything else should be shared. I do what needs doing, or a fair share of it when living with someone, but not stuff I see as unecessary or can't even see that it "needs" doing. The argument comes over what is considered necessary.

Person_one

Dusting and vacuuming need to be done, sorry, but claiming that you think they don't as an excuse for never bothering and letting a partner do them every single time is very unfair.

Marvel1

I live alone and these what I do as must:
Clothes/bedding wash and peg outside or indoors.
Wash dishes by hand - only when they stacked up though.
Iron
Kitchen/toilet wipe down.
Car tyre, water, oil check.

Everything else:
Dusting, vacuuming only gets done when I know I have visitors coming over - could do a month without.

onlyroz

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

The whole point is many people do not see that it "needs to be done" at all, so don't do it and still wouldn't do it if the other person moved out.

Are there really "many people" who eat off paper plates, only wear clothes once before throwing them away, and have an inch of dust on every surface, and have overflowing bins?

There is a basic level of housework that needs doing by even the most slovenly of people, unless they live as described above.

theoretica

I think there are two things being discussed - the things where it barely takes more effort to do it right (such as washing dishes in an order with glasses before grease or putting frozen things in the freezer) and those where it does take longer, such as vacuuming more rooms.

I don't think calling failure on the first lot stupidity helps anything - nor is it patronising to teach something which someone else doesn't know or hadn't remembered.

indiepanda

duchy wrote: »

Getting a cleaner is fine if you are both working but when kids come along it can move to the extravagance basket especiallyif one parent is staying home full or part time and it raises the whole issue again.

I feel sorry for anyone who has kids when they know they have big differences of opinion on division of chores or quality / frequency of doing them. If it causes a strain when there are just the two of you, having kids and all the extra chores that creates on top of the broken sleep is likely to be very stressful.

indiepanda

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Some things need to be done - cooking, laundry cleaning the bathroom - other things, e.g. vacuuming, dusting, ironing, are optional. Dishwashers exist for washing up.

I have had the conversation that runs

You never do the dusting!
Because I don't see the need
But I want it done, so I always end up doing it
Well, that would make sense.

That's the point I clearly failed to convey. If only one person thinks something needs to be done, then they should get on and do it. Anything else should be shared. I do what needs doing, or a fair share of it when living with someone, but not stuff I see as unecessary or can't even see that it "needs" doing. The argument comes over what is considered necessary.

Ok, I think we're on the same page with the principle, it's just I would think more things are necessary than you. I can live with a bit of dust (and would if I didn't have a cleaner), but never dusting... no.